He just wants to stay home for a special occasion

[angel]

I posted this question 2-3 days ago with no response, thought I'd try it one more time as time is growing short til the Super Bowl.


 My DH of 2 yrs. has physical custody of "Sam" but has a shared parenting plan with his ex/gf. The ex/gf (BM) only has "Sam" in her home approximately 60 days a year however, by her choice. When she gets him for her visitation time, she sends him off to other relatives/friends, anyone whom she can get to watch him. She has no interest in his education, health habits such as bathing, brushing his teeth, homework, etc. She lost a chance at physical custody because of her drug usage, and lack of mothering instinct. A guardian ad litem advised the court of what she saw.

Her current court arranged parenting time for "Sam"  are for the first 3 weekends a month. Past papers have stated that flexibility is supposed to be basically "understood" and is just accepted that both parents will be so.

DH has never turned his ex/gf down when she needed to arrange to have "Sam" on that 4th weekend rather than the first 3--she is still getting the same amount of time with him per month either way.

DH has only asked for the alternate weekend on 2 occasions in two years up to this point, and both times were due to extremely icy driving conditions, and we didn't feel it safe for "Sam" to be transported--both times were winter storms.  We live a 2 hour one way drive away from the BM.  His ex/gf (BM) on both occasions  had her lawyer write a letter stating that we were "refusing to allow her previously arranged parenting time", even though we offered the 4th weekend as a "make up". DH didn't bother to respond via our lawyer as it was ridiculous, and we feel goes to show just how inflexible she is choosing to be, and as she had gotten "Sam" that last weekend anyway.

This past weekend "Sam" expressed the desire to be able to stay here at home for Superbowl weekend, which unfortunately falls on the first weekend of the month. "Sam" called to ask his BM if it would be "ok" to switch the last weekend of this month for next weekend's time, and because she is angry at DH, she has refused.  If "Sam" were to be taken up there, he would end up having to listen to half of it over the car radio, which is no where close to watching it on TV, as any football fan knows. On top of that, he wouldn't be arriving home til very late, and has school the following day.

So my question is--she was offered an alternate weekend, and will again be offered the last weekend of Feb. to make up for the Super Bowl weekend, so is it unreasonable of us to just keep him here knowing that she was offered 2 alternate weekends to choose from?

"Sam" is 10 yrs old and VERy into football, and we're not trying to keep him from BM, just wanting a bit of the same flexibility from her that we show TO her. Remember that she'll be losing no time with "Sam", just as she doesn't when SHE requests the alternate weekend.

Could keeping him here for a special day get us into trouble--especially seeing as how we've been so flexible with her when SHE had plans?

Thank you in advance.

[hagatha]

I would send her attorney a letter stating you have a family obligation and son will be included. Explain the alternitive weekends she may take instead. And "cc" the mother in the letter. I wouldn't go into the actual reason for the switch in weekends, just state he will not be available and the offer of make up time.

I have never heard of someone loosing custody over one lost weekend. Especially since you are offering to have the time made up.

The Witch

Remember . . . KARMA is a Wonderful Thing!!!!!

[angel]

Thanks for the reply and your time--I would've never thought of sending her attorney a letter.