Wife #3 is on the way out.

[Amy_in_MA]

This is my son's dad's third wife. He and I weren't married, he was divorced when I met him, he left me when I was pregnant, married that woman, they got divorced, married someone else, his current wife, and now they're separated. They've been married just over a year. Explains a lot though about the very sporadic and further shortened visits he's had, the visits he's canceled, the unexplained reduced child support payments. I am dreading when he tells our son, who just months ago was very concerned that his stepmother was going to go away like the last one. He's 6 and this will be the second stepmother he's lost in 3 years. And we lost my mom (his Nana) in May last year. Too many losses. And he and his step-brother (her son) are really good buddies. :(

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Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen

[Jade]

>This is my son's dad's third wife. He and I weren't married,
>he was divorced when I met him, he left me when I was
>pregnant, married that woman, they got divorced, married
>someone else, his current wife, and now they're separated.
>They've been married just over a year. Explains a lot though
>about the very sporadic and further shortened visits he's had,
>the visits he's canceled, the unexplained reduced child
>support payments. I am dreading when he tells our son, who
>just months ago was very concerned that his stepmother was
>going to go away like the last one. He's 6 and this will be
>the second stepmother he's lost in 3 years. And we lost my mom
>(his Nana) in May last year. Too many losses. And he and his
>step-brother (her son) are really good buddies. :(
>
>--------------------
>
>Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become.
>Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your
>ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.
>
>     ~ James Allen

If it isn't too awkward for you, you could always have the stepbrother over for a playdate.  This may help ease the transition for your child.

As for the child support, have you looked into getting it garnished from his wages?  This way, he can't play games with it.  

[olanna]

.

[Amy_in_MA]

His soon to be ex and I have never met...and I'm not sure how amenable she would be to that...but I don't rule it out. Child support is supposed to go through wage assignment...but, his employers never seem to report he's an employee there, and CSE never seems to find out about where he's employed or he claims he's self-employed. But I got a tip on where he's currently employed, and I've passed that along to CSE for them to follow up on.

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Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen

[mistoffolees]

CSE should be able to figure it out. Or, you could hire a private detective to follow him one morning to see where he goes. This is probably the fastest and least expensive option.

If not, you may have to get a court order against him.

CSE should be able to track his SS number. And if the employer refuses to attach his wages, THEY could be liable in many states.

[Amy_in_MA]

We already HAVE a court order. And CSE has been less than helpful at tracking his SSN. This has been an ongoing issue for 2.5 years. It seems that for whatever reason, as long as he is sending any money in to them at all, they could care less whether they implement the court ordered wage assignment. But it's ok...I found out where he's employed (he states it on his myspace page, which is how I found out he's currently separated again)...and I sent a message along to CSE with the information. They can now send the packet of info the employer...and if they refuse to attach his wages, well, then we'll have issues to contend with in court. But no need for a PI...I do pretty darn well on my own at finding this stuff out. :) Damn man has taught me how to be resourceful and he doesn't even know it.

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Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen

[mistoffolees]

If you have a court order and he's not obeying it, file for contempt. Perhaps a few days in jail will make him see the light.

[Amy_in_MA]

In all honesty, I am far more concerned that he remain a constant in our son's life than I am about receiving the child support. Right now, that is my priority. And I'm not going to kick him when he's down as I'm sure this isn't a great time for him. More bad blood between us will only further his lack of commitment to our son.

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Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen

[Raisin_3]

Good thing your son has you- a good stable person.  I cant imagine what is going on with his dad.  He needs to just not get married anymore.  Have you reduced his CS again?

[Amy_in_MA]

He called last night to tell me and ask advice as to how to tell Zachary. He told me that they are just separated, not planning to divorce, just trying to work through some stuff. From some of the other things he's said, it just doesn't really sound all that hopeful to me. But what do I know. Several months ago, Zachary was talking all the time about how he has two mothers, and we talked about the difference between a mom and a step-mom, no big deal. But he kept going on and on about it all the time. So I asked him if he was thinking about it more and why. He basically said that he was afraid that Lauren (his current step-mother) was going to go away like Lyndsey did (his previous step-mother). And he really loves Lauren and his step-brother. I had to wonder if he'd sensed something then. I guess we'll just have to wait and see how it goes.

No, I have no voluntarily reduced his child support...yes, he asked again in November. I think that's his annual time to request it. He seemed to think that since Z started kindergarten, I had no more child care costs. He didn't realize that someone has to take care of him after school until I finish work at 5 and can come pick him up. And he constantly talks about how I make more than him. So, this time I wrote him a letter. And explained to him how I feel like I'm being punished for earning to my potential. That is first ex-wife works part so she can pick up her kids after school, and take them to activities and such. And that he makes significantly less than he could be making because he absolutely refuses to commute...like I do. I lose 1.5 to 2 hours of my day every day from commuting. I told him that I would LOVE to work 10 minutes from home, and I would LOVE to work hours that allowed me to pick up our son after school, removing the need for any after school care. But if I were to do that, I'd be earning significantly less...which would mean that his child support obligation would go up. And I told him That it feels like I'm being punished by him for doing everything I can to hold up my end of the parenting expenses and responsibilities, when he doesn't do the same. Haven't heard a word about reducing support since. Maybe it made a difference???? Nahhhhh...who am I kidding. :)

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Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen