child advocate

[sckc]

We need help.  My stepson is going to be 12 in Sept.  Last year he expressed a real desire to live with his dad and I and my 3 kids.  He currently lives with his mother and her girlfriend and they live in the country so friends are far and few.  His mother agreed last Oct. that he could come and live with us this past June once school let out.  She felt her job was done and that he was reaching an age where he would need  a full time dad.  The closer it got to him coming to live here the more determined she was to change his mind.  Once she realized that she could not change his mind she out right told him he could not come live with us and that he was not mature enough to make this decision on his own.  Basically she doesn't want to loose the monthly check.  She has told him she can not live without him, that he will not be happy with us and that we are not a stable environment for him to live in.  He has been with us since June 10th and is refusing to go back to his moms at the end of the month.  She has only seen him twice since the summer began and has phoned him less than a handful of time.  They have joint custody that was decided upon 10 years ago and his dad has liberal visitation.  He wants us to go to court and modify the custody agreement so that his dad will have physical custody and his mom will have visitation.  We can not afford a long drawn out custody suit.  Her father will finance her lawyers.  We were told to look for a child advocate to represent "J".  We were also told we don't need a lawyer and can represent ourselves, but an advocate would be in "J"'s best interest.  When he is with his mom his life consists of school (he has been having difficulty in school and hates the school he attends), he spends most of his time with his mothers friend because of her work schedule, he plays video games or goes on the trampoline and that is considered his activity.  When he is with us he has 2 brothers to play with and an older sister.  We live in a neighborhood full of children whom he has become friends with.  We enrolled him in football and he has expressed a desire to play baseball in the spring.  He wants to take Karate, but we have explained that we can't enroll him in that until he comes to live here because that would require more than just Saturdays.  I was able to work it out with the football coach that he attend all the practices in August and then only be required to attend the Friday night practice during the season so he can play on Saturdays.  (He lives 75 miles from us and we pick him up and bring him home every weekend).  The school system is a good one and he would have the opportunity to go to school with his brother and sister and his friends in the neighborhood.  He would be closer to extended family from both sides (his mother and his father) and he would have a more stable family life.  Does anyone know where I can find an advocate to speak on his behalf in court?  We live on the Eastern Shore in Maryland and I am not sure what direction to go.

[KAT]

Oh hey, I used to live in Easton for about 15 years, see ya in a few weeks! *L* Anyway, yes, you can do it yourself. When you file your motion to change custody, request an advocate (sometimes called a GAL guardian ad litem or counsel for the child) it's likely that the judge will appoint one. I believe like VA they are lawyers (not true in all states). In addition, you want to make sure to supenoa the child as well (sometimes, they refuse to bring the child & unless there is a supenoa you'll just waste time). Since the child isn't in danger, this will probably take months, years even. Perhaps once she is hit with the court papers, there can be a settlement. Depending on the distance ect. there is no reason why there can't be additional parenting time above the guidelines or even joint parenting. Support can also be agreed to as well.
At 12 the judge can hear the child's wishes, and CAN take them into consideration, but it's not going to be the do all end all by any means. You can always give it your best shot.
KAT