How to deal with a cockroach...

[Sunshine1]

I've heard that even if you cut its head off, its body will live for several WEEKS before it dies.  That is exactly what I am dealing with here with my children's SM!

Ordinarily I have no problems ignoring SM when she acts up, but I must have PMS or something and I want her to suffer, be jailed, be audited from the IRS, get the bird flu, mad cow....for the love of God something!!!!!!

For the past 2 years I have kept a print out of every email she has ever sent me and I have managed to fill...yes fill,  a 3-ring binder.  I have ignored email for the past 2 years, had it blocked, changed my email address,  etc... she keeps on a coming.  Not only is she emailing me, she is emailing me at work.  Not only is she emailing me at work, she is making serious allegations against my husband on my work email, he works for a very big bank and is accusing him of tampering with funds, their accounts etc..none of which he has any access to but if she called and made her threats fruitful, he would be let go most certainly.  To add further fuel to the fire, every time I block her email she opens up a new hotmail or yahoo account so she can get through.

The icing on the cake is she signs BF's name to them.  Sometimes she puts both of them down but mainly she signs his name.  BF does not email me, we both wouldn't piss on eachother if we were on fire so I am fairly confident it is not him.  If he needs to speak to me he calls.

I haven't written her back once..well  sometimes I do the bounce back "you have been blocked" email or if "she" asks a question over and over and over I reply, at my lawyers instruction I will not be conversing with you via email, but it doesn't matter, she just opens another one.

Anyone have any idea what I can do?  I would love a TRO but that will open up a whole new can of worms and except for the emails, BF has left us and the kids alone....which is better for everyone all around.  For those of you that don't know my story, SM is severely bi-polar and that is just the tip of the 4 year bag of fun we have had.  BF chooses his wife over his children and believe me, they would rather it be that way then be around her.


I have had it, I am sick to death of getting these emails at work...if they ever opened and read them I would be embarrassed.  She ahs called my work before and spoke to my HR department about me harrassing them from work before.  But they checked it out before they pulled me aside and found nothing on my phone (recorded) and nothing in my email  "sent" box that demonstrated any harrassment via my work environment.  Well now she is on to my husband because she couldn't get anywhere with me.

I am going to freak out soon....anyone have some words of wisdom?

[junglechicken]

and your company HR apprised of this activity.  They need to know what's going on and "have your backs" in case she gets really ugly.

Is there any way your IT people can stop all external email, or do you need external email for business?  Can they filter it so that only addresses you request are allowed in?

[dipper]

Cant the company get her for harrassment as well?

[notnew]

Have you spoken to the State's Attorney Office. Perhaps they can open a criminal investigation in that their evidence would come straight from your job as opposed to you providing anything.

She is a nut job for sure.

I don't know what else to tell you. Perhaps you could contact yahoo and hotmail with the harassment and they could possible block her from opening any new accounts? I am not sure that could be fool proof. Seems pretty easy to get around that.

I think the best thing for your husband to do is let his HR people know what she is doing so that IF she makes false allegations in the future, they are aware he is a victim of harassment.

I am truly at a loss.

[wysiwyg]

Most compaines have attornies on retainer, I Would think a letter from the attroney to the SM with copies of the emails to your work - along with a filing of a TRO would maybe get her attention.  Keeping your boss appraised of the situation will keep you out of hot water as well.  As far as IT, check to see if tehy can get the "header" info off the emails she sends you and can block the IP and or report her to her ISP.

[dsm]

My DH's ex had a period of instability like this too.  Not nearly to the extent that your ex's wife is doing to you and your DH though.

It seems to me that you have done everything you can to deter her on your own.   I agree with the other posters about making sure that your HR Dept, your supervisor, your DH's HR Dept, your DH's supervisor are all aware of the situation.  If anything, this lets them know that you are being proactive with it - show them the emails and how you've attempted to deter her from contacting you at work.   Explain that you're trying to keep things out of court and why - because they may very well tell you to get a TRO and you post that you would rather not do that.  Just be clear to them that you are focused on your job and that you are not in any way encouraging or engaging her.  

If her emails are slanderous, and you bring your employers aware of it, they may want to investigate further.  With you posting that your DH does not even have access to what she is talking about, by you bringing it to their attention first, it would hopefully take away the option of them letting him go.

What is it that she wants?  

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dsm - 36; DH - 39; SD - 17; LO - 11; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh
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I

[Sunshine1]

Ok, so I brought all the emails to HR yesterday and highlighted the top of each one with all the different addresses on them.  They were very glad I brought it to their attention and that I was proactive about letting them know that I was not trying to engage her.

My HR person said she would discuss with the other HR person if there was anything they could do on my behalf to get a restraining order.  I told them about maybe having the lawyer for the company send a letter and they said they would ask.

They are also going to speak with IT to see if they can do anything too.  However I am a sales rep so changing my email again or blocking any incoming is out of the question unless it is a specific address.

My HR person said, even though I know it is SM writing these, they are all signed by the BF, so the letter would have to go to and be addressed to him.  Buwhahahaha...I told her that would be absolutely fine with me because I am 100% sure he has no clue she is sending these.  
If I can get a letter from them to acknowledge the harrassment, that is better evidence for me in court to get a TRO.  I told them they didn't have to do anythign at all either, that I just wanted them to be aware of the situation and that she may call again.  HR did indeed remember her calling last year. I said the more she flips out the more I can get a TRO.  I will keep you updated.

Oh yeah....What does she want?  I have no clue.  They are just random emails that range from..."you have no right to keep the boys from their father" to "we have a signed and notarized statement from your nanny that you do not use her anymore" to " you can block our emails all you like, but I will send letters and cards and presents to our children"....totally whacko emails..all of which are not true.

BF hasn't been to a pick up in 3 years almost. He chooses not to see his children.

My nanny has never spoken to them or met them in her life.

The boys have never seen one shred of a letter, package or card from them EVER.

She is mentally ill and when she hits her manic state I am her target.  It is just getting old.  Its been going on strong for the last two years now.