Correspondence with former spouse

[I cry_ in_the_dark]

I recently sent a certified letter to my X in regards to excersing my week of exclusive visitation in June.
I also requested medical insurance information as court ordered in JANUARY.


Today, I received a letter from his lawyer stating that my X has no problem with the week I selected (he has no choice anyways). It went on to state the week he selected (in which I have no choice either except that I have first choice).  

 The week exclusive visitation is Sunday through Saturday, with the Saturday that is included in his week is my son's birthday. The day after, which is my normal visitation day, I want to have a birthday party for my son. I know that he will be out of state that week for his niece's wedding.

I was advised (here it is 5 months later) that my X is reviewing new insurance cards and will forward. However, I know full well that he has already obtained new insurance several months ago.(I know this thru appointments that have been made.) I also know that they do not want me to have this information as it is insurance through his new wife's place of employment, so I believe it is simply a stall tactic to give me this information.

Lastly, I was demanded to address all future correspondence to his lawyer directly. I am pro se.

Questions:
A.) How should I demand/ask for my Sunday visitation? I realize that I could demand them to be turned over at midnite, but I do not want to be out of line. I only want to have the kids so that I can have a birthday party for my son.

B.) As he was court ordered in January to give me insurance information, how should I handle this as it is now 5 months later? Just two weeks ago both of my kids got new glasses, so I know that there is some sort of insurance in effect as my daughter informed me of the cost of the glasses ($50 per pair) and I know full well how much my son's glasses cost as I have paid for them for the last 5 years, not to mention that he changed eye doctors without a request for transfer of medical records or advising me that he was changing doctors ).

C.) Since the court order is perfectly clear as to visitation, and I did exactly as I was suppose to in regards to informing him of my intent to exclusive visitation 30 days in advance, is it neccessary to direct that information thru his lawyer? OR:  Is this advantageous to me in that I am attempting to communicate with him and he is, as always, refusing to co-operate and deal with me? (If your response is to let him pay for his lawyers time, that's not an answer. They are drinking/dart playing buddies and I highly doubt he is paying much, if anything.) And how should I respond to this demand?

As always SOC, thank you for your wisdom  ;-)

[socrateaser]

too many facts interspersed in yur questions. please follow da rules.

[I cry_ in_the_dark]

Garsh, I thought I did  ;(        Ok, hows this?

I recently sent a certified letter to my X in regards to excersising my week of exclusive visitation in June.
I also requested medical insurance information as court ordered in JANUARY.

Today, I received a letter from his lawyer stating that my X has no problem with the week I selected (he has no choice anyways). It went on to state the week he selected (in which I have no choice either except that I have first choice).

The week exclusive visitation is Sunday through Saturday, with the Saturday that is included in the week he chose being my son's birthday. The day after, which is my normal visitation day, I want to have a birthday party for my son.

I know that he will be out of state that weekend for his niece's wedding. I realize that I could demand them to be turned over at midnite, but I do not want to be out of line. I only want to have the kids so that I can have a birthday party for my son.


I was advised (here it is 5 months later) that my X is reviewing new insurance cards and will forward. However, I know full well that he has already obtained new insurance several months ago.(I know this thru Dr. visits that have been made since the first of the year.) I also know that they do not want me to have this information as it is insurance through his new wife's place of employment, so I believe it is simply a stall tactic to not give me this information.

Just two weeks ago both of my kids got new glasses, so I know that there is some sort of insurance in effect as my daughter informed me of the cost of the glasses ($50 per pair) and I know full well how much my son's glasses cost as I have paid for them for the last 5 years, not to mention that he changed eye doctors without a request for transfer of medical records or advising me that he was changing doctors [shared legal custody] ).

I have not been concerned about his lack of supplying me this information as he lives right in town, but I do plan on doing a bit of travelling during our vacations this summer.

Lastly, I was demanded to address all future correspondence to his lawyer directly. I am pro se.  Is this advantageous to me in that I am attempting to communicate with him and he is, as always, refusing to co-operate and deal with me? (If your response is to let him pay for his lawyers time, that's not an answer. They are drinking/dart playing buddies and I highly doubt he is paying much, if anything.)

Even if I had a lawyer, I would have done exactly as I did.

A.) How should I demand/ask for my Sunday visitation?

B.) As he was court ordered in January to give me insurance information, how should I handle this as it is now 5 months later?  

C.) Since the court order is perfectly clear as to visitation, and I did exactly as I was suppose to in regards to informing him of my intent to exclusive visitation 30 days in advance, is it neccessary to direct that information thru his lawyer?

D.) How do I respond to the demand that I address all correspondence to the lawyer, when it is very simple Court Ordered matters, (ie. 30 days written notice of intent).

As always SOC, thank you for your wisdom.  

[socrateaser]

I hate to be anal about this, but you're still not playing by the rules. There is a question HACKded in the following paragraph, and I'm not gonna answer it.

>Lastly, I was demanded to address all future correspondence to
>his lawyer directly. I am pro se.  Is this advantageous to me
>in that I am attempting to communicate with him and he is, as
>always, refusing to co-operate and deal with me? (If your
>response is to let him pay for his lawyers time, that's not an
>answer. They are drinking/dart playing buddies and I highly
>doubt he is paying much, if anything.)


>A.) How should I demand/ask for my Sunday visitation?

You must adhere to the text of the order and its reasonable interpretation or get clarification from the court. If the other parent has set a schedule that interferes with your parenting time, notify him in writing of same and state that you will be at the relevant pickup/dropoff point at the required time, and that if he is not there for a reason within his control, that you will be forced to file a contempt motion.

That's really all you can do. If you tell this to the attorney, you should tell that attorney, that he is duty bound as an officer of the court to recommend that his client abide by the court order, and that if he fails to do so, that you can have him found in contempt, separately from his client.

>
>B.) As he was court ordered in January to give me insurance
>information, how should I handle this as it is now 5 months
>later?  

For the other parent to obtain insurance through his spouse is technically contempt. A parent must obtain insurance through his or her employer, if available at reasonable or no cost, and if none is available, then that parent is responsible for one half of the unreimbursed insurance costs. If that parent obtains insurance via a spouse instead, and insurance is available via his employer, then he is in contempt. It's not clear from your facts whether such insurance is available, but if not, then for the insurance he obtains through his spouse, you should reasonably have access to the same information to which you would have access if that insurance were being provided directly.

I would insist on the info, and if it is not forthcoming, then I would simply explain that you will have no alternative but to file a contempt motion in order to assert your rights.

>
>C.) Since the court order is perfectly clear as to visitation,
>and I did exactly as I was suppose to in regards to informing
>him of my intent to exclusive visitation 30 days in advance,
>is it neccessary to direct that information thru his lawyer?

No, but I would do as he requests and simultaneously copy him on that correspondence.

>
>D.) How do I respond to the demand that I address all
>correspondence to the lawyer, when it is very simple Court
>Ordered matters, (ie. 30 days written notice of intent).

I don't know why you're making such a big deal about this issue -- you may want to contemplate about why this matters to you so much?

[I cry_ in_the_dark]

It matters to me because:

First and foremost, I am the mother, he is the father. Period. He's got another 10 years of dealing with me, he better learn how.

Why does it bother me....well....repeatedly throughout the findings of fact/Court order father was found credible in his assertions that he would communicate etc. etc. He got away with his lies then, so let him live up to his credibility now.

As he found, I refused to communicate through the kids. When they would bring something up, I would inform them that their father needed to discuss "this or that" with me. Since that doesn't work, now he's going to do it through his lawyer.

Sorry, but I'm not playing. I will continue to play by the rules. As far as I'm concerned, he can spend his dime and communicate with his lawyer. I see absolutely no reason for me to do so.

I'm quite surprised at your reponse regarding the insurance issue.  The fact that he might obtain insurance through his spouse was discussed at the Child Support hearing. But yes, he has insurance available through his work. (I guess I'll have to wait to find out next month at the appeal hearing.)

It's ok that you didn't answer that "question". It wasn't lettered as a question, more as facts with a question mark at the end, ha  ;-)

As always, sincerest thanks for your wisdom.

[socrateaser]

You seem annoyed. Generally, and not necessarily at me, but certainly at him. I can relate. Unfortunately, it's this kind of annoyance that ruins the other parts of your life. It also causes heartburn, wrinkles, and, in the end heart disease or stroke.

I know what it's like to absolutely hate the other person for using the system to ruin your life. And, it's always worse when they cheat on you and ruin the marriage, etc. (not that this has anything to do with your facts -- or mine ).

But, life is what it is (all is fair in love and war), and I've found, that in the end, Karma does usually catch up with bad people. They bring evil upon themselves, even if it's only by creating a reputation for themselves so terrible, that eventually they are left totally alone to their miserable existence, because no one can stand to deal with them.

Let him do that...you take the high road (and, I'll be in Scotland before ya!).

Nite, nite.

[I cry_ in_the_dark]

The major  problem is, I'm as Irish as they come  :p
  Got kilts?

Secondly, I DETEST being told what to do, especially when there is no reason for it.

Sleep well.