Question about living arrangements

[DecentDad]

Hi Soc,

I just discovered that biomom, living in what the custody evaluator called a "very small" one-bedroom, has had a man move-in.  This man has been around for a short while-- maybe weeks at best (i.e., assumed because she was apparently dating someone before that, and I hadn't heard this man's name until recently).

Four year old daughter reports that she's left alone with this man, that the man sleeps at their home on the couch.  Daughter explains that "his home isn't ready" so he has to stay with them.

At this time, daughter doesn't report any inappropriate behavior from this man.  Not that I've probed on any inappropriate behavior.

Daughter is routinely exposed to men that biomom apparently is dating (i.e., assessed by frequency of comments that daughter relays).

Daughter has private bedroom in my home, where she lives with my wife and I (daughter has known wife since 2001).

1.  If a man has moved into biomom's small one-bedroom apartment, is it relevant to anything if this man isn't a pervert?

2.  If it is relevant, what is best way to demonstrate that the guy is living there?

3.  We have joint/joint.  There is nothing in our orders about providing any info to each other about living arrangements.  Does biomom have any obligation to inform me that this man is living with her?

4.  If I had the guy's license plate, how could I get his identity to check sex offenders website?

5.  If I were your client, would you see this as an opportunity to change the parenting schedule for best interest of child's stability?

Thanks,
DD

[MYSONSDAD]

This might help too, http://childsafenetwork.org/index.php

You might want to see if he has mail delivered to that address, get you a name that way...

If you know any cops,  could they could run the plate for you?

[socrateaser]

>1.  If a man has moved into biomom's small one-bedroom
>apartment, is it relevant to anything if this man isn't a
>pervert?

Maybe. Seems to me that by allowing the man to stay in the apartment, mother is compromising her child's privacy interests in favor of a stranger. This is not a situation where the child has her own bedroom.

>2.  If it is relevant, what is best way to demonstrate that
>the guy is living there?

Did you ever send notice of intent to record telephone conversations with your ex? If so, I'd just call her up and ask her how she can let this guy sleep over with your kid in a one bedroom, and record the answer.

Or, you could try sending certified mail to him at her address, return receipt requested. He may not claim the letter, however.

>3.  We have joint/joint.  There is nothing in our orders about
>providing any info to each other about living arrangements.
>Does biomom have any obligation to inform me that this man is
>living with her?

Not really.

>4.  If I had the guy's license plate, how could I get his
>identity to check sex offenders website?

An attorney can only obtain the info if the pending case is directly related to the vehicle. So, you're gonna need to either ask the court to order it, or find someone in law enforcement who will run the plate.

>5.  If I were your client, would you see this as an
>opportunity to change the parenting schedule for best interest
>of child's stability?

This is a double-edged sword. You can argue that the man's presence in such a small apartment is not in the child's best interests. Your ex can argue that she can't properly care for the child with the amount of support she is receiving.

Guess who's gonna win that one?

Obviously, if you have evidence that there is a danger to the child, then that changes the entire character of all of this.

[DecentDad]

>Maybe. Seems to me that by allowing the man to stay in the
>apartment, mother is compromising her child's privacy
>interests in favor of a stranger. This is not a situation
>where the child has her own bedroom.

Something like that was what I was thinking.  She's almost five years old... is privacy as much an issue for her (vs if she was 13)?

>Did you ever send notice of intent to record telephone
>conversations with your ex? If so, I'd just call her up and
>ask her how she can let this guy sleep over with your kid in a
>one bedroom, and record the answer.

Interesting idea.  On the court's own motion (when faced with he said she said), we have orders that we may record our conversations with each other.  Don't know if she'll talk to me.

>This is a double-edged sword. You can argue that the man's
>presence in such a small apartment is not in the child's best
>interests. Your ex can argue that she can't properly care for
>the child with the amount of support she is receiving.
>
>Guess who's gonna win that one?

Ummm... when I'm already paying above guideline amount (without stipulating to it) with her income set at less than minimum wage... how could anything be driven much further up my butt?!  If her income is imputed at zero, my CS only goes up $40 per month.  If her income is imputed at her admitted earning capacity, my CS goes down $370/month.

Adding a triple edge to the sword, if she admits she can't support child, wouldn't you take that as a urgent cue that this child's threatened stability in mother's home warrants modifying the parenting schedule ASAP?

>Obviously, if you have evidence that there is a danger to the
>child, then that changes the entire character of all of this.

Yeah.  According to what my daughter has mentioned about him, he has a daughter who's never around (either screwed by family law, or perhaps for good reason).  I'll see what I can do with the license plate, then maybe will have enough info to find his ex or any background info on him.

DD

[socrateaser]

>Adding a triple edge to the sword, if she admits she can't
>support child, wouldn't you take that as a urgent cue that
>this child's threatened stability in mother's home warrants
>modifying the parenting schedule ASAP?

Your better reply would be to suggest that if the mother cannot raise the child on guideline support, then perhaps she is squandering it on unnecessaries, and in doing so, acting against the child's best interests, which is grounds for a custody mod. You could further suggest that perhaps the mother really should seek some employment, because that would apparently also be in the child's best interests, as the alternative is to share a one-bedroom apartment with a strange man.

[DecentDad]

.

[DecentDad]

Hi Soc,

Through what you can assume are legal channels, I found out who he is.

Not a registered sex offender.

He was convicted in 1995 in CA for 23153.a and 23153.b.  That's DUI and causing bodily injury to another party.

His civil background is pretty unimpressive, but that's probably totally irrelevant.  Biomom picked the wrong person to rescue her-- maybe he's just as much a conperson as she is.  :)

Regarding the DUI, because he's now coming to exchanges, I've watched him drive his car with my daughter and biomom.

Is a nearly decade-old DUI conviction relatively unalarming unless I were to suspect he's still doing it (which I have no idea)?  Or would it depend upon the nature of the offense?

BTW, I have a case number for that conviction.  If details (i.e., who was injured) matter, how would I go about looking up a case number?  It begins PA 02....

Thanks,
DD

[socrateaser]

>Is a nearly decade-old DUI conviction relatively unalarming
>unless I were to suspect he's still doing it (which I have no
>idea)?  Or would it depend upon the nature of the offense?

Seems to me, that I recall a certain current President of the United States of America with a decade old DUI. Believe me, I understand your annoyance, but, you're not gonna get the court interested in this guy unless he still drinks and drives.