Time to go back to court? Avoiding contempt?

[TrinSF]

Dearest Socrateaser!

Two years ago, with help from you and others, I went to court pro se in Georgia and had custody arrangements of my two children (now 13 and 16) changed. I ran a nice tight clean case, didn't allege any bad things -- my argument was that then 14-year old was requesting the change, and that younger sibling should stay with.  I live in California, so it was a big hassle of a long distance case.

I knew there were problems in the house (verbal and emotional abuse, etc), but I didn't know the full extent. The children did not speak about these things to the GAL and social workers -- they had been told they would be taken away to foster care, never see me again, etc. So, on June 1, 2003, they came to be with me temporarily. Court made it permanent July 29, 2003. Children have been with me the entire time.

My ex was awarded 5 weeks in summer, holidays, etc. Required to pay child support, 1/2 medical.

He has never exercised visitation in the entire time. Not once, since the came be her permanently in August 2003, has he seen them. He stopped calling them, too. Younger child has heard from him a few times. Older child isn't on speaking terms with him, they have had no contact for almost 2 years. THIS IS NOT MY CHOICE! The children are upset with him, in part because he denies their abuse allegations about his girlfriend.  He's also paid only a very tiny portion of child support, he's almost 4K in arrears.

Here's the problem.  He was negotiating with younger child for her to visit. She told him she only wanted to spend time with him if he was off work and available, because of problems with his abusive girlfriend  -- this is abuse he denies happening. Ex is now telling me he wants at least half and maybe all of visitation time, that he will not be taking off work, etc.  Daughter wants to see him, but is concerned about her safety in the home. (She was hospitalized for suicidal ideation before she left his custody, the abuse was that bad -- and she doesn't want to go back to that kind of unhappiness.)

So, ex is already in contempt for not paying child support or medical, though I haven't filed.   (I think the local county has filed as part of their trying to get him to pay child support.) I know that if I 'refuse visitation', I could be in contempt. I know that legally, I am required to MAKE MY DAUGHTER GO.  Daughter has written him directly and said, "I don't want to visit you for the whole time, I am okay with one week."

So, here's the questions:

1. Should I force her to go, even with my concerns about her wellbeing?

2. Is there any way I can write the court/etc and document these concerns in advance?

3. If I file a motion of contempt, will I have to again do the whole multiple cross country trips, etc? I haven't filed about the child support because the cause of the travel was more than the arrearage.

4. Any other ideas about how to handle this? Father is *very* uncooperative, mostly refuses my email and contacts. I have been documenting this for two years, and I can show a pattern of him not responding, being offered visits he refused, etc.

[socrateaser]

>1. Should I force her to go, even with my concerns about her
>wellbeing?

If you are afraid for the child's welfare, then you need to file a motion to modify visitation. Otherwise, unless the child steadfastly refuses to get on the plane, then she must go. And, if she doesn't go, then you better be able to show that your fears were reasonable and not intended to frustrate the other parent's visitation.

>2. Is there any way I can write the court/etc and document
>these concerns in advance?

See above.

>
>3. If I file a motion of contempt, will I have to again do the
>whole multiple cross country trips, etc? I haven't filed about
>the child support because the cause of the travel was more
>than the arrearage.

Failure to pay support is not a justification for refusing visitation. The other parent is entitled to visitation, whether or not support is timely paid. You are, of course, entitled to the support, and to file for contempt on the issue.

[TrinSF]

Oh, I certainly know that child support and visitation aren't related. I mentioned it just because I've been trying to avoid filing if I would need to do all the back and forth trips. I found out yesterday that the State did it for me -- ex has begun paying child support and arrearage because his home state hit him with a contempt order, as a result of my state reporting his arrearage.