looking to relocate

[Innocentprncss]

I am looking to relocate with my daughter to an adjacent state due to remarriage, continuing education, improved financial and living situation.  My daughter's father will not agree to it in any way because he knows that my soon to be husband is going into the army and wants to take me, my daughter and a son from a previous relation ship to live with him and his girls on the base.  I am wondering what my options are.  Can he really chain me down to living in this state especially when the only reason that I moved here was because of him?  I have been here a year and he has known that I haven't wanted to stay here.  He has her 3 weekends a month and nothing more.  He wasn't around for almost the first 4 years of her life and she will be five in 10 days.  Any help that you can give me I would appreciate.  any clarification that you need? just ask

Angie in WI

[socrateaser]

What exactly are your current custody orders?

Do you have joint legal or sole w/ visitation?

Are there any stated restrictions in the orders re relocating the child? If yes, then what are those restrictions?

Where exactly do you wish to relocate?

How many miles is it from where you live now?

How young is the child?

Does she have many friends/family in the area where you currently reside?

Does she have many friends/family in the area where you intend to relocate?

What exactly changes in the way of education and jobs if you move?

That should do for a start.

[Innocentprncss]

As I understand them,  I have primary physical placement and my daughter's father has periods of physical placement (3 weekends a month).  Alternate holidays and an alternate will be given to him on holidays he doesn't have.

We have joint legal custody.

I have not been able to find any restrictions on relocating in any paperwork that I have.

I am looking to relocate to Iowa, but my soon to be husband is going into the army and wants me and my kids to be able to live with him and his daughters on a base temporarily in CA or east coast during his 3-4 years he is in.

Where my soon to be husband lives is about a 4 and a half hour drive from where I live now.

My daughter will be 5 in ten days.

Where I currently reside, she has me, her brother from previous, her dad is an hour away living with her uncle and she has his parents close by (although I never hear from them in regards to wanting to spend time with her).  As far as friends, she has no special friends really.

Where I intend to relocate, it would be me, my son, my soon to be husband, his 2 girls, his parents and brothers and sisters.  I would be about the same distance from my family as I am right now.  

Well as I said, I am looking at a remarriage, I am looking at going to a college there that has a special program set up for people with kids and a specific program devoted to my major (criminal justice), my boyfriend would be going into the military which would pay well and have good benefits.  If we lived on the base with him, the schools are very good.  I would have better housing in Iowa or on base because I live in subsidized housing right now.  I would be able to get off assistance and be able to stay at home with my kids.

[socrateaser]

OK, well for me the pertinent facts are:

1. Parents share joint legal custody.
2. You want to locate to Iowa, but only temporarily, and then to California.
3. There are more extended family members in the area where the child presently resides.
4. The issues re school and work are extremely speculative at this point, as no actual plans have been made, plus you are not actually married at the moment, and therefore you are not yet entitled to any of the benefits that you are claiming as part of your rationale for moving.

Under the circumstances, I'd say that your desire to move is outweighed by the father's right to exercise custody, until such time as you actually are married and you are vested in the opportunities that you suggest should weigh in your favor. Moreover, your case is weakened substantially by the fact that your move to Iowa is actually temporary, so any benefits derived therefrom may disappear or be substantially altered with your later and already proposed move to CA.

It's one thing to move 4 1/2 hours driving distance -- it's quite another to move 1,750 miles -- the move to CA will effectively destroy the child's relationship with the father.

So, if I were judge, I would deny the child's relocation and tell you that if you move, I will award custody to the father. After you are actually married, then I would consider the move, but I would want some credible evidence of the new husband's dedication to the marriage, and I would want to know if the father is actually exercising all of his visitation. Also, if the child is in school at the time you move, this would cause me to likely rule against you.

None of these things are clear at the moment, but, if I allow the move, then i will probably substantially increase father's weekend time with the child, and charge you with a substantial cost of the transportation incident to exercising custody.

Of course, I'm not the judge, so all of this is just my wild ass guess. Nevertheless, it should give you some idea of the issues that you may confront should you go forward with this move.

Lastly, remember that you are free to go where you wish. It is only the child who the court can restrain, and the only resolution for the court is to determine with whom the child will spend the majority of her time.
As for moving to CA, that is too speculative to even consider at this point.

PS. Your first post suggested that you were being "chained down" by the child's father. I suggest that you reconsider your feelings in this area. Both of you apparently enjoyed each other enough to have had sex and produced a child, that child should be able to have substantial access to both of parents throughout childhood. If and when you remove the child from the father's locale, I can practically guarantee that the father will vanish from that child's life, because even a 4 1/2 hour drive becomes an insurmountable obsticle to overcome as a routine part of everyday life.

The child's father is not chaining you down. You are dispensing with the child's father. Obviously, if the father isn't interested in parenting the child, my opinion here would be quite different. But, as you haven't alleged that the father is entirely disinterested, my opinion stands.

[Innocentprncss]

Well the move to Iowa is sort of temporary.  We would get our stuff moved to the house in Iowa and then we wuld be living on an army base with my fiance and his girls.  We would be living on a base for 3 years and then we would be going home to the house in Iowa.  We are looking at being married in Dec which would mean that we would most likely be married before he gets stationed.  When I brought the whole thing up with my daughter's father, I told him that I was wanting to be moved to Iowa before Sept so that my daughter wouldn't have to start school in WI and then move.  I was thinking about my daughter in that situation and I thought it would be better her just be moved by then.  Asfar as his visitation,  he has her on his 3 weekends a month and holidays.  When it comes to anything like school things or calling her just to talk to her or anything like that, he doesn't participate.  I have in fact been given my daughter back early before because he had a birthday party to go to and he was helping a friend move couches.  When she is there, he has budies over and they play cards and drink beer just like when I lived with him.  When he and I lived together, he wouldn't bathe her and wash her hair.  I HAD to be cause he would say that she "freaks out".  My daughter has told me that her favorite thing about going to dad's is that he gets to play with a little boy that is always there visiting with his dad.  This house is ALWAYS full of people when she goes there.  Her and her dad and her dad's brother and maybe 2 other guys with their kids.  It isn't looking like a quality time scenario there.  She doesn't have a bedroom or anything there because it is his brother's house.  I don't mean to bad mouth him and if it sounds that way, I am sorry but I am just giving the facts regarding how he is around our daughter and what his life situation is like.  Thanks

[socrateaser]

I recommend that you do what you need to do and let your ex do what he needs to do, and if that means that a judge must decide the outcome, then so be it. Sometimes, there's just no alternative but to let the judge decide.

Good luck.