False Accusation

[singledad321]

I have been divorced for a little over two years now.  I live and the divorce was in New Jersey.  The court ordered custody time was about 60/40 in the mother's favor.  We did this schedule for almost a year, but it was very tough on our daughter.  We went to a few months of parenting therapy, and agreed to a true 50/50 division of time.  Our daughter goes to her mother's house for a week and then returns to my house for a week.  This has been the schedule for almost a year and a half now, but we never had the order modified.

During the summer, daughter would sleep on a "nest" of pillows and blankets in my room, since it is the only room with air conditioning.  There has also been times that my daughter would get in my bed if she had a bad dream or got scared in the middle of the night.  Lately she has been scared of monsters under her bed.  I consider this to be normal parenting, and I do not think that I have done anything wrong.

However, during August, my ex told our daughter that if she keeps sleeping with me that DYFS will take her away and she will never see me again.  She has been very upset about this and is worried about about me.  We are very close, and she is very loyal to me.  So she has been blaming herself, and is afraid she is going to get me in trouble.  When I found this out I stopped letting her into my room at night because I was worried.

Then around the end of September, my ex called daughter's school and told them that I was sleeping with her.  The principal questioned our daughter and determined that there were no signs of abuse.  They did not contact DYFS or the police.  My daughter told them that she feels safer there by me.

When I found out from our daughter that she had spoken to the principal, I went in to talk to the principal and guidance counselor.  They are the ones that told me it was the mother that called and that they did not suspect that anything was happening.  They confirmed for me my feelings that I was just being a normal parent by trying to comfort my daughter when she was upset.  The guidance counselor suggested that I make a bed out of a sleeping bag and pillows on the floor next to my bed if she ever feels scared.  That way she can feel safe without actually being in my bed.

She has only used this "nest" two times in the past month, so it is not something that goes on every night.  But her mother still said that it is wrong and tells her that I am going to go to jail.  My ex is also a guidance counselor and she has told our daughter that she knows this is wrong because of her job.  She grills our daughter whenever she calls her during my custody time, asking her if she has slept with me.  Whenever she tells her mom "no", her mother calls her a liar.  I know this from hearing our daughter tell her "No I'm not lying.  I'm not a liar.  I didn't sleep with him."

1.  What can I do to protect myself legally from further false accusations?

2.  What can I do to protect my daughter's sense of well being and mental health?  Without getting too detailed, she is getting messed up by this and doesn't understand why her mother is being like this.

3.  Based on the year and a half of 50/50, can I request a modification of the court order to reflect the new schedule?  Could she contest it?

[socrateaser]

>1.  What can I do to protect myself legally from further false
>accusations?

Buy a tape recorder and keep it running. Keep the child in a different room, no matter how scared she gets. Comfort her until she falls asleep and the leave the room.

>2.  What can I do to protect my daughter's sense of well being
>and mental health?  Without getting too detailed, she is
>getting messed up by this and doesn't understand why her
>mother is being like this.

Offer to include both the mother and yourself in therapy with a psychologist.

>3.  Based on the year and a half of 50/50, can I request a
>modification of the court order to reflect the new schedule?
>Could she contest it?

You can ask the court to order that the status quo be preserved on grounds that a substantial change of circumstances has already occured. You will need logs or witnesses, or receipts for food, clothes, etc., to prove that you are actually exercising 50/50 parenting.

Otherwise, it will be your word against the other parent's.