Court order vs school time

[dipper]

Soc,

We are in Virginia.  I received custody of 14 year old son in June.  BM has been very verbally aggressive, but that has actually calmed in the past month.

Court order states bm is to give me notice as to what three weekends she wants son and if we contradict, we are to discuss.  

Court order also states NCP to have certain holidays - including Columbus Day during even years.  Our school system operates on Columbus Day.

NCP sent me a letter in September detailing her chosen weekends and the weekend she would provide transportation - last weekend in October.  She did not mention Columbus Day at all.  I did not contest anything.

The first weekend in October, she came to an appt. and changed the transportation to her providing that weekend.......she brought son back home that Sunday - the day before Columbus Day.

I am to provide transportation this weekend.  When she called son, he told her that he really wants to go to Homecoming Game and come Saturday instead.  They argued and she asked to speak to me.  When I answered she told me that she expected make-up time.  I told her that I only have one weekend with son and I was not refusing to bring son.  She told me tough luck!  

At that point, I told her to tell her son that because he was the one asking her for permission to go to the game.  She told son, not me, that she is still entitled to a make-up day for Columbus Day and now this Friday evening.  (This is first time she mentioned Columbus Day)

Soc, I never refused her Columbus Day even though this was a school day.  She didnt mention the day and brought son home on Sunday.

I have no problem with suggesting extra time at Thanksgiving for her, but I dont want to be in contempt.....

Do I owe her a make-up day for Columbus Day?


Whose responsibility was it to bring up this day at the time even though school would be operating?


If she agrees to allow son to stay for a game, am I in contempt for not taking him per court order?


Should I address any of this in a letter, which would give a written record?

[socrateaser]

>Soc,
>
>We are in Virginia.  I received custody of 14 year old son in
>June.  BM has been very verbally aggressive, but that has
>actually calmed in the past month.
>
>Court order states bm is to give me notice as to what three
>weekends she wants son and if we contradict, we are to
>discuss.  
>
>Court order also states NCP to have certain holidays -
>including Columbus Day during even years.  Our school system
>operates on Columbus Day.
>
>NCP sent me a letter in September detailing her chosen
>weekends and the weekend she would provide transportation -
>last weekend in October.  She did not mention Columbus Day at
>all.  I did not contest anything.
>
>The first weekend in October, she came to an appt. and changed
>the transportation to her providing that weekend.......she
>brought son back home that Sunday - the day before Columbus
>Day.
>
>I am to provide transportation this weekend.  When she called
>son, he told her that he really wants to go to Homecoming Game
>and come Saturday instead.  They argued and she asked to speak
>to me.  When I answered she told me that she expected make-up
>time.  I told her that I only have one weekend with son and I
>was not refusing to bring son.  She told me tough luck!  
>
>At that point, I told her to tell her son that because he was
>the one asking her for permission to go to the game.  She told
>son, not me, that she is still entitled to a make-up day for
>Columbus Day and now this Friday evening.  (This is first time
>she mentioned Columbus Day)
>
>Soc, I never refused her Columbus Day even though this was a
>school day.  She didnt mention the day and brought son home on
>Sunday.
>
>I have no problem with suggesting extra time at Thanksgiving
>for her, but I dont want to be in contempt.....
>
>Do I owe her a make-up day for Columbus Day?

Unless your court orders expressly state conditions for make up days, then no. However, if you are later found in contempt for withholding the child, the court could order make up time.

If the court order states that the NCP has child for Columbus Day, and child has school, this means that the NCP is entitled to the non-school time. If she voluntarily chooses to not exercise the time, then you have no further obligation.

>
>Whose responsibility was it to bring up this day at the time
>even though school would be operating?

If a parent has court ordered time, then the parent can choose to exercise it or not. If the choice is to not exercise, regardless of the reason, you have no further responsibility.

>If she agrees to allow son to stay for a game, am I in
>contempt for not taking him per court order?

Nope. That was her time, and she used her discretion to permit son to play the game.

>
>Should I address any of this in a letter, which would give a
>written record?

I wouldn't, unless she sends you a letter complaining first.