Probation - defamation?

[dipper]

Soc,

We are in VA.  Custody reversed to me in June.  I have already proved contempt that my ex cursed me in front of our son.  She unsuccessfully tried to have contempt accusing refusal of visitation.  

Ex has history of cursing me in public, in front of son (he is 15 now).  In August, she flipped out in son's counselor's office.  

Two weeks ago, counselor told me that ex is the source of most of my son's issues.  He feels son needs continued therapy.

Son is on probation for matters that took place during the time his mother had custody.  Son has been pulling community service and has a curfew.  We have been extremely diligent about the curfew.

I foolishly fought to have my ex participate in community service.  last weekend she spent the night with her lover/cousin (violation of court order) and then drove an hour to bring son to service.  Man in charge told her that he had little for son to do and asked her to come back in two hours.  She refused, citing that she would be going back to town bf lives in.  Man then said to take son and he would see about giving him two hours time for travel and effort.

BM waited a week and then called probation officer on date we were scheduled to be out of town.  She told PO that man told her he did not have anything for son to do and he would give son 8 hours of time.  Son had told me the part about two hours the day after the event - before she made this claim.  Son says 8 hours was not discussed.

Today, went to PO office.  BM is claiming she did not refuse to pick  up son two hours later.  

During the course of conversation, I became extremely suspicious of just what had transpired without our knowledge between bm and PO.  BM was very calm and in control.  PO hammered son about curfew, and the community service.

BM even fought the church service son pulled.  PO told her that as we are a small community, it is allowed.

I didnt say too much because I did not want to start a fight.  however, the more I thought about it, the more I was suspicious.  I called the PO>

The PO says bm not only claims son is getting time for nothing, she did make several comments about son being out past curfew without me, and she had contacted the original court system with these complaints against me as well.   The original court system has assigned a PO and notified the PO (of where we live).

Soc, these allegations are not only false - I signed documents stating that I knew the rules of his probation.  I have not violated the terms of this and therefore, there is no proof that I have. This is simply BM trying to act like she is holding our son accountable while I let him run wild.  Entirely false.

As this is causing us extreme emotional distress dealing with this and possibly son having to re-pull 31 hours of service and is an attack on my parenting......

Is this sufficient cause to file a defamation of character suit against bm?

Also, combined with the other instances of public verbal attacks, is this enough to pursue a restraint against bm being involved in appointments as she either makes a scene or makes false allegations?

[socrateaser]

>Is this sufficient cause to file a defamation of character
>suit against bm?

Probably not, because where defamation is about a matter of public concern, plaintiff must prove malice: that defendant acted with knowledge of falsity or reckless disregard for the truth.

And, even if you can prove malice, you will need to show some actual damages, which I doubt you can do, because you haven't lost any serious goodwill or money as a consequence of the defamation.

>Also, combined with the other instances of public verbal
>attacks, is this enough to pursue a restraint against bm being
>involved in appointments as she either makes a scene or makes
>false allegations?

This is a better course of action. You already have sole custody, so just don't let the other parent be involved except for visitation purposes, and ask the court to restrain her from any other activities, based on the counselor's advisement that the other parent is the source of the child's problems.

[dipper]

Soc, we do share joint legal, but that is all the term says - no guidelines as to what that means.  

Other concerns:  she spent night in second cousin's bed while son slept on sofa.  This is someone she cycles through for about six months per year - this is about the fifth time they have dated.  This following on heels of relationship with married man, which she involved son in.

Court order says parent cannot expose child to immoral situations....no specifics.

visitation order states, "During school the mother shall have the child 3 weekends per month.  The mother shall advise the father at the beginning of each month which 3 weekends she chooses."  I am also to provide 2 transportations per month.

son is 15 and has really tried to go through visitation these past two months.  However, the latest with the probation has him extremely upset as he knows he has been meeting the terms of his probation.  He does not want to go back at this time.  Judge has been adamant in past that son has no choice.

1 - Should I file to have joint legal revoked and a written restraint put into the order (to hinder her interference/games)?

2 - Show cause on sleeping with cousin while son is present?  

3 - As wording is subjective, leaving interpretation of immorality open, can I file a clarification to have wording more specific including banning overnights with men?

4 - If bm does not advise me of weekends, and I dont take son, am I in actual contempt?


5 - If #4 is yes, but I have not in word refused to bring son, and she has not made an attempt to pick up son..................Would contempt be on refusal of visitation, or failure to provide transportation?


***By the way, local PO says at this time, that son will not have to make-up his time.  Our concern now is PO had said yesterday that BM did notify ordering county of her allegations.......so, it could still be brought up before the judge in January*******

[socrateaser]

>1 - Should I file to have joint legal revoked and a written
>restraint put into the order (to hinder her
>interference/games)?

Ask the court to restrict her to supervised visitation until a counselor states that she and the child can get along. As that the court order her to pay for joint counseling with the child.

>
>2 - Show cause on sleeping with cousin while son is present?

Clarify the "immoral" term in light of this circumstances.

>3 - As wording is subjective, leaving interpretation of
>immorality open, can I file a clarification to have wording
>more specific including banning overnights with men?

Yes, when the child is present, you could do that.

>
>4 - If bm does not advise me of weekends, and I dont take son,
>am I in actual contempt?

You're in contempt if you don't follow the orders. You can interpret them well enough to know when that is. If you see an ambiguity, ask for a clarifcation.

>5 - If #4 is yes, but I have not in word refused to bring son,
>and she has not made an attempt to pick up
>son..................Would contempt be on refusal of
>visitation, or failure to provide transportation?

If the child is available at the specified time and place then you're not incontempt. If there is no specification, then you do what's reasonable and you're not in contempt.

>
>***By the way, local PO says at this time, that son will not
>have to make-up his time.  Our concern now is PO had said
>yesterday that BM did notify ordering county of her
>allegations.......so, it could still be brought up before the
>judge in January*******

I think that both you and the child should be in counseling, and so should mom and child, but not all together. You all need to break what is obviously a very vicious cycle of trying to stay even. It doesn't work. Take a lesson from history. Someone usually ends up dead in these situations.