New to the boards

[shine]

I have just found this site, and would like to participate.  I'm not sure yet how to go about navigating here, but bare with me......

[olanna]

This board moves slowly but we are dedicated to trying to help or at least listen!

[my miracle]

Shine:
         I'm with you there- I'm new as well.  Somehow I ended up here after yet another sleepless night- I noticed you must not sleep too well either.
          WELCOME!

         

[olanna]

Sleepless nights....had many of those.  The ones that were the worst were the ones that I spent up crying.

Welcome.  Sorry this place brings up here....but glad you came.

[wendl]

Welcome Shine and mymiricle.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[mama]

I'm new too. My daughter could use some advice. She lost custody of her daughter my grandaughter because of drinking and she is finally wanting to stop. (she drank for 2 years and lost everything) my daughter and grandaughter lived with me and now she only gets 3 hrs of visitation every other week and nothing else.. My grandaughter wants to live here with me and her mommy but she's only 4 and she has had 3 heart surgeries and is living with her dad in Tennessee and he has a girlfriend that wants to be mommy.. it's really sad. My daughter wants to get her act together and live with me and go to AA. I'm glad about that but I don't think the dad will let her see her at all now. The lawyer we hired for her could not believe the judge approved this parenting plan so we could pay the lawyer to redo the parenting plan and have him give it to the dads lawyer and I know he will want to go to court and they will want to know what's she been doing for the past year and thats pretty much nothing. So I think it's best for her to go to AA meetings and get her life together and then go to court. Does anyone disagree?

[farawaymom]

I am also new here. I hope to get in an e-mail support group for long distance moms. Looking for information on this subject is not very productive

I have my youngest daughter living with me, but the middle daughter who was 14 at the time chose to stay in our home state when I moved away to my new husband's home. My oldest is an adult who chose to stay also.

Long story behind this, but the bottom line is I love my children and want to be the best mom I can be.

[lovemychildren]

I too, don't have custody of my children and I have heard this is a great site to get help.:-)

[TGB]

Yes, your daughter needs to get sober and prove she can stay sober for a while before spending the money on an attorney. Take advantage of every opportunity to see or contact the child and maintain a positive relationship.

See Tips for Getting Started at http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

I have some friends who were long-time crack addicts (26 years) but got sober for the sake of their kids. Now they spend all of their time helping others to do the same. They are constantly asked to travel all over the country to tell their stories, and have been featured on the front page of a large metropolitan paper (more than once) on the Today Show and other programs, and in hundreds of personal appearances.

People can and do turn their lives around, but they need a lot of support to do so. Many people, especially ex-spouses and jaded social workers, will have a hard time accepting that the reform is genuine. Expect this and don't let it get you down. Learn from others at AA and other venues how they overcame this adversity and proved themselves worthy of trust.

[backwardsbike]

Recovery from addiction is an uphill battle.  But i am glad to see that your daughter has accepted the need for it.  Most people have to loose something before they will consider it.  An awful lot of addicts have to loose everything.  In your D's case, she didn't really loose everything becasue #1 she's still alive, and #2 her daughter still loves her and wants to be with her and #3  She still has you for your love and support.

To me it looks like your D is pretty lucky.  But that doesn't mean that she is going to have an easy time of it.  I am praying for her and for you.

My Dh has alcoholism and antoher co-occurring mental health diagnosis.  The one thing I have learned on this journey is that one must accept the diagnosis before any change can happen.  It is step one of AA.

Also, I woud hope that your D will get a full mental health evaluation.  Many people who strugggle in vain to control thier alcoholism and can't stay in recovery have another mental health issue.  They do not realize they are trying to medicate the other issue with the alcohol or drugs.  This is common with depression, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia.

If someone has another diagnosis, getting sober is almost impossible without getting concurrent treatment of the problem they are trying to medicate.  But a valid diagnosis is nearly impossible while the person is still drinking.

If your D seeks out an evaluation, please have it done by someone who is trained and experienced in dual diagnosis.  Ihave worked in the field for over 20 years.  I am a nurse with a four year degree in Rehabilitation and a minor in psychology.  I have seen many peole go on to make very successful, healthy lives for themselves.  I pray your daughter does the same.

 She can thank her lucky stars that you are there for her support, because nobody does it alone.  But you also can't do it FOR her.   I would encourage you to seek out Al-Anon.  I have found the support helpful as well .