MOM WITH A PLAN " I think"

[Patti]

So I have been divorced for 3 years and me ex got custody in this 3 years he has moved over 80 miles away our parenting plan states that I am to have the kids wed thur fri and everyother weekend and that we share transporting since he moved this hasnt happend I am now in home which I own and have a great job and my kids 13, 10 want to live with me is there any hope if I fight  he is also never home they are home alone alot and he has left the youngest alone claiming he thought he was at school.. any help would be nice thanks

[olanna]

Please post what is happening over on Socratesers board. Please use only the facts and be sure to use punctuation when you post over there.  He can help you.

By the way, knowing what state you are in can make a difference. I can give you some advice on how to proceed, if you like.

[Ref]

to determine if you will have a good chance.

The first hurdle that you will have to get over is, substantial change in circumstances. If he has always been a workaholic , you do not pass the test.

How long ago did he move away? If you have let this go for years, then you have been complicit in this as the status quo. Also, is there anything in you parenting agreement that says that you have to stay in the same area?  You state "this hasnt happened". What hasn't, your visitation or shared transport? If it is the transport, I have to tell you that this is contempt, but most CPs just get a slap on the wrist over it.

I have to say that owning your own home and having a great job will likely have nothing to do with your case. Judges typically like to have the child stay in the situation (school district, home, with the parent) that they are used to.They like to maintain the status quo.

Also, at 13 and 10 kids like to please their parents. They should not be put in the position of deciding which one they live with. It is very harmful to them mentally to have to tell one parent that they don't want to be there. Unless there is abuse, I think it is a bad idea to even bring this up. I'm not saying you are. Some kids sense that you miss them etc and will volunteer the information. Many kids will play the other parent by saying these things. Just try to be on guard for this because anyone would be a sucker for hearing that their kid wants to live with them more.

A judge will not typically take their preference under consideration. It makes sense. One parent may bribe the kid with gifts or guilt them or completely mess with the kid's head about the other parent to get this leverage. The courts like to take the child out of this equation for their own good.

The final hurdle is proof. You need real evidence to prove contempt or ask for custody change. No judge will take your word for it. You need letters written from him stating that he leaves the kids home alone or a disinterested third party. A report for CPS woudl be good, but it sounds like it was only a 1 time thing, so I doubt they have anything on him.

Courts do not change custody easily. Many of us here know in our hearts that we can do better for our kids and skids than the other parent. Many of us here have had to deal with denied visitations, phones taken off the hook, letters returned to sender. Some of us here have had to deal with accusations of child abuse, the CP moving with the child halfway across the country, CP with drug problems..... Most of us are NCP even with this going on.

Based on what you have posted, I would keep as positive as possible. Keep record and proof of when CP violates the order in a binder and try to keep things out of court. Court does some really ugly things to people. Obviously there is a purpose for them, but as far as I see, you just need to have a good discussion with the BF (offer to sit for him if her will be out). If your agreement says that he is to drop them off and you pick them up, then ask him if he would prefer to meet in the middle.

Good Luck
Ref