Clothing and Child Support with Shared Custody

[my3sons]

I've got a question and I'm curious what others think of this situation.

I've got 50/50 shared custody of my kids.  We switch out every-other week for a full week.  I live in MD, and here (as with most states) I've got to pay support with the 50/50 since I make more money than she does.  No problem there for me whatsoever.

Here's the problem.  My ex thinks I should buy a full wardrobe and keep it at my house for the kids so that she doesn't have to pack for them anymore.  I disagree, being that I'm paying her $775 per month, I think she should send them with clothes packed as she always has.

I'm interested to know if anyone else has dealt with this and how they handled it?  I haven't found any good legal references that define support issues with shared custody.

Thanks to all.

[junglechicken]

On one hand, I can see how parents would think, hey, I give you half my paycheque (or whatever) every month.  The kids need clothes, YOU shell out of the CHILD support you get.

On the other hand, I firmly believe kids have two homes, especially in cases like yours where it's 50/50.  In that scenario, kids should have their stuff in both places and not have to take suitcases back and forth.

My dh and my sds' mom have joint custody.  They come home with their schoolbag, whatever they need for school, their coats and shoes.  That's it.  No packing, nothing like that.

How many kids do you have?  How old are they?

[MixedBag]

Hmmm...

As a CP I always did my best to send clothes with the girls.  However, the situation was no where near 50/50.  

As an Step-NCP, SS's mom usually sends clothes, but this summer she backed off and sent 5 of everything.  Her complaint (I bet) is that he doesn't come back with whatever she sends.  To a small degree that's true -- I didn't send back the pants, shirts and shorts that were three sizes too big.....but she failed to give us credit for the extra stuff that was sent to replace it.  (DH pays "full child support" -- gotta mention that).

As an NCP, my EX and fake-wife decided last September to NOT send any clothes with my son for his one weekend a month with me and for any of the other periods.  Why?  Couple of reasons -- not getting the stuff back is one (and I refer you to the above para for that too) and that I don't pay full child support ($50 is what the judge ordered due to transportation).  My biggest gripe with them is how they went about it -- no notice and that they even make an issue about it at all.

50/50, huh?  And now this has become an issue huh?  Well, I say shame on her (mom).    But it is a big pain in the butt to transport clothes back and forth each week too -- now isn't it?

Wouldn't you be better off IF you had your own supply?

In our case, I just started shopping for the boys and stocked up their closet a bit at a time.  In no time, I had everything I needed for the two of them.  Start with Goodwill and places like that.  It's amazing what you will find.

Maybe a compromise is in order?  Ask your EX to send half of their clothes and then tell her that you'll be replenishing their clothes from now on....and she can do the same.  

Child Support goes for so many more things than just clothes....but for her to expect you to just drop everything and BUY a weeks' worth of clothes is an inconsiderate game EXs like to play.

Trick is not to play back and to stoop to their level.....the courts aren't gonna do anything about it.....but you have a valid complaint.  Just that no one "cares" other than you.  

JMHO

[Stepmom0418]

We have the standard eow with SS. We too have our own clothes for him. Then BM cant say we ruined his clothes, or didnt send them back. I wash the clothes that he comes in and he goes home in them! Easier that way and plus them SS feels like this is his home too!

[IceMountain]

We do it the exact same way!  I think it's important for my son to feel like he has a home no matter where he is.   But, we only have my son EOW and holidays, summer, etc.  so I can see how it would be more of a hardship for 50/50 parenting with all the other expenses and child support.

[joni]

I like your compromise idea...nice suggestion

----Maybe a compromise is in order? Ask your EX to send half of their clothes and then tell her that you'll be replenishing their clothes from now on....and she can do the same. ----

[jilly]

I do the same thing. There's a fabulous children's consignment shop near our home. I buy DD's and SD's clothes there. Whatever SD wears to our house, I wash it Firday night/first thing Saturday morning so she can wear those clothes home. Ocassionally she will wear something from our house to the PBFH's house. But when that happens, I just hold the other set of clothes "hostage" until I get our clothes back. LOL  The biggest gripe I have right now is I just recently had to buy SD a pair of tennis shoes because she needed a pair of casual shoes. SD wore them home and they haven't made it back to our house. That's the ONLY pair of shoes SD has for our house that can be worn with anything. I've already told DH he better get those shoes back because I'm not spending another $20 for a pair of shoes!

[rainbow1]

I share my clothing budget with my stepdaughter. We keep a full wardrobe for her here. BM is always calling and asking to "borrow" outfits for her family parties and functions. Couldn't even buy the child a swimsuit this summer because she is so broke(gets CS of $830. in a 4 week month and $1250. in a five week month). I wash her clothes from her BM when she gets here, she wears our clothes while she's here and changes right before she leaves.

[kitten]

With 50/50, the kids have two homes.  They should have a wardrobe at each home.  That will also save the children from having to hear the two of you argue about their clothing.  For the kids sake, pick your battles wisely.

[stepmom2morgan]

We really feel that DSD should have her own clothes to wear when she's at our house (as well as her own room, toys, food, etc).  But it really drives me crazy that we are also paying for all these things at BM's house too.  And she gets the privelege of having DSD in her home at least 5 times as much as we do.  It just doesn't seem fair.  I could see if money was the only thing DH wanted to contribute to DSD's upbringing.......but it's not.  We'd take her all the time if we could!  And we wouldn't even care about being paid CS to do it!

Best Wishes,
stepmom2morgan