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Can he modify support?

Started by madmom, Jan 01, 2005, 03:01:19 PM

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He lived here but his dad won't let him move to his house when he gets out because of the crime he did.  He has to live with me and I have to keep a place for him to come back to.  I will have to move and won't have room for him.  He doesn't have to worry about providing a home like I do since he won't take him now.  It isn't like he cant afford it.


If that is his choice then it will be his loss.

You should not expect him to have to pay cs twice. You should also not buy things that are beyond your means.

cs does NOT last forever, and house payments last up to 30 yrs.
Being a SAHM is no EXCUSE either.
My mother supported all 5 of her children and my grandmother and went to school with NO help at all. Not from the state or any ex.


I do understand, I had to live in low income housing as I did not have enough money to rent a nice place, I lived in a hell hole so my son would have a roof over his head, I kept it clean and did not talk to my neighbors, I did this for 2yr until I had enough to purchase my own SMALL place.

I have learned to NOT live beyond my means. I do understand that is why when I purchased a two bedroom small home I based it on what I could afford without child support or the help of a man.

It is sad that he won't let your son live with him and chooses not to see him, my ex made the choice not to or to rarely see our 12yr old now he is starting to realize what he was missing out and is finally trying to be a dad.

Sorry if we all sound harsh towards what you are going thru but ncp's here have ex's whom try and ruin the ncp's financially just cuz they can and use it as a tool to deny visitation.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**


So are you saying that if he said he would take your son into his home after your son is released then you wouldn't expect Child support from his father while your son is in jail?

What you don't seem to understand is that you are not entitled to CS just because your ex can afford to pay you and/or the state. You would be entitled to support if you are physically carring for your child.

Many states have income shares. Each parent's income is computed along with the number of days per year that each parent has physical custody of the child and any extra expences like day care and insurance. If one parent doesn't work, then their income can and is usually imputed. Imputed means that the court determines what the parent could/would be making if they were working. This is based on the parents education, location and previous experience.

Child support isn't about you needing it to pay for your new house. It's about taking care of your child. You will live in your house regardless of whether your son lives there or not. It's your house not his. You ex has a house and he doesn't expect you to pay him when you son is visiting him. He has to keep a house for when your son visits. He still lives in his house when your son is not there.

Housing, in my opinion, should not be included in child support. It is unfair to the NCP to pay housing related expenses such as Electricity, Mortgage/Rent, Gas, or water. The reason for this is that the each parent has the same expenses regardless of who has the child and how often. The expenses are still there for both.

The expenses that change with the child are food; clothing; medical expenses including medication, dental, vision and mental care; school supplies and fees; school and other activites and other misc items that are for the child exclusive use.  

Yes, you need to have a house for your son. But you should provide that, in my opinion. You have an equal financial obligation to you child just as your ex has an equal obligation to physically parent your child. Him not upholding his obligation does not obsolve you of your financial obligation.

I find it interesting that you are thankful that you don't have to pay the state to care you for son because you don't work. You seem all too willing to let ex hubby foot the bill for the child you both created.

Your not working is a choice not a necessity. If you absolutely cannot afford daycare then you need to get a second job when your husband can be home with you other children. There are also co-ops for child care. You could even get a job at a day care and get the care for attending children redused.

I'm not saying that you ex is right in not allowing his son to move in with him after your son gets out of jail. He may be more willing if you ask him to consider giving him a trial and see how things go. If that is not possible and you cannot handle him there are many programs for troubled youth.

I hope you can work thing out. Both with your ex and with your child.

Good Luck



You said that your 3rd child is from your second marriage. IS the truth really that you had to get a bigger house because of your new child or was there some othere reason.

If that's the case then.....?

And, just because the mortgage company said it was okay to use CS as income does not make it okay. They were trying to sell you a BIGGER loan in which you pay them interest on. They will count any income. It's your job as a home buyer to make sure you can afford the mortgage payments. Buying a home that is less than you can actually afford is smart for many reasons. Especially if you will not have all the income you included for the entire life of the loan. What were you planning to do when your ex didn't have to pay child support anymore?


I have 4 kids 1 boy in detention and 3 girls 2 with my ex and 2 now.  My husband makes less than half of what my ex makes but he has had to put a roof over our head.  It is only fair that my ex pay for his children to have a house.  The children are supposed to live equaly both places.  We have to have a separate room for him because of the juvenile court.   He will have to pay support for a long time because our daughter is only 6 so we got a 15 year loan.  


Is is your responsibility along with your current husband to put a roof over your head. Your ex husband does not ask you to put a roof over his head does he?

What I am saying here is that you need to get a job and stop holding your hand out.

Your ex is going to pay the state to care for you child. Tell us again why you shouldn't have to contribute to that? Oh yeah that's right you chose not to work and allow your current husband to pay your way along with your financial obligation to your children from your previous marriage.


If you can't pay your bills then get a job. Find a way to spport yourself and stop relying on the men in your life to do that for you.


make him pay for a lawyer for me.  


BOO HOO!  Wish I could have a 15 year mortgage and wish I was getting child support so I could use it to pay my mortgage.  I have to have a 30 year mortgage because I have to pay child support for my SD for the next 12 years.

The reason you are in trouble is because your priorities are messed up.  How arrogant of you to expect your husband to pay you child support for a child he also has to reimburse the state for his incarceration.

No wonder your son's a mess and in jail....his mother has her head up her a$$.


What you asked for was a way to make your ex PAY the state and PAY your mortgage, and PAY your lawyer fee.

Frankly If your son did that bad of a crime then mabe your other childs custody needs to be evaluated also since you are not raising them properly.

It is NOT your ex's fault that you had 2 more children and decided to move into a larger home. That responcibility falls to the father of the latest 2.

The fathers responcibility is to pay the caregiver of his chid, and right now, that AIN'T you.