Question for Custodial Parents

[melissa3]

If your ex asked you to account for how the Child Support they sent was used what would you think/say/do?

Would you be for it or against it?

I'm asking because my fiance and I would like the BM to account for how the child support is spent. We don't think BM is embezzalling the money for herself or anything, we just think it would help if all parties had a better understanding of how much the total cost of caring for the daughter is.

Also, we arent trying to make things difficult for BM. Instead of always having to ask BM, fiance would like to already know if his daughter is growing out of her clothes or if she needs more school supplies, ect. We think having a logbook of how money is spent for their daughter would help to gauge what she needs now and help us better prepare for her needs in the future as well.

Suggestion, comments, criticisms or advice is greatly appreciated.

[wendl]

Well I personally have no problem with it, I can show my ex how I spent the $25 I got last month.

$25 on food and travel for out of town basketball tournament (want receipts)

I know other custodial parents wouldn't do it OR they would just write crap down on a piece of paper like

$200 for rent
$50 for clothes
$50 for uliities
and so on.

BUT I THINK the debit cs cards are good, I think every custodial parent (me included) should have to us these, then at the end of the month give the NCP statement and it will show exactly what the cs and where it is spend.

But you know that would never happen.

I think to many custodial moms want to be in to much control and don't stop to think that the other parent would like to know how the money is spent on the kids, heck if you were still together you know darn well what you spent your money on.

But hey that is just me.

Don't get your hope up on her actually doing it or being honest.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[cinb85]

I would have NO problem accounting for it!

Unfortunately not every CP feels the same way.  

[melissa3]

Yeah my fiance and I had thought about the CS debit card/checking account idea but figured it would be a pain for the BM and she would probably just get the money from an ATM.

As for lying, having the BM show receipts is a good idea - if she could remember to keep them.

In my opinion, I dont think rent, mortgage, utilities or things like that should be included as child care/maintenence becuase both parents have to provide that for themselves anyway. I mean, it's not like BM got a house to live in just because she has a daughter!! In our case, BM owns a two family house, which she pays a mortgage on. It's expensive but no one is telling her to keep the house. She could always sell it and buy a one family for a cheaper mortgage or, if need be, she could just get a nice apartment.

What would you think if the NCP asked you to keep track of what you spent on the child with your own money AND child support?

Are we asking too much from the BM???

[cinb85]

Rent, utilities and things like that should be included as child care/maintenance.  If I didn't have our daughter, I wouldn't need a 2 bedroom apartment which is much more expensive.  She also uses ALOT more electricity than I would if I lived alone.  Computer, stereo, TV, etc!

Like I said before, I would have NO problem accounting for what I spent the CS on (unfortunately my ex rarely pays any CS).  

[melissa3]

In our situation, BM has SD sleep in her bed. SD is 5yrs and does not have her own room or bed even though they have plenty of space. In this case, BM could get a one-room apartment =)

I see what you are saying about the electricity, I didnt take that into account. Thanks for the input.

I'm sorry to hear about your neglectful ex. Would you like to be our EX/BM instead? =)

[cinb85]

DD and I had a one-bedroom apartment until she was 11 years old.  Then we moved to a two-bedroom apartment.  I truly believe that teenagers need their own room.

Yes, DD uses tons of electricity.  My electric bill was nothing when I lived alone!

Thanks!  I have seen so many stories of ex's who are truly trying to be really good dads, only to have the cp put up roadblocks.  Then there are stories like mine where I do everything that I can to have ex be part of DD's life, only for him to completely ignore her!  It's very sad for all of these children.

Good luck to you!

[melissa3]

Thanks, we need all the luck we can get!

I don't know if you've read my other posts but the BM is a little unbalanced. She says she wants my fiance to be involved but then she dismisses his attempts to be involved. They have this court mess going on, with fiance having supervised visits. Fiance does all he can right now by calling his daughter all the time and we send her surprises and gifts when she's sick. But BM still writes nasty emails saying fiance doesn't care and isnt involved!! I guess you're damned if you do, damned if you don't.

[cinb85]

to have an ex who does so much for the child.  

My ex has court-ordered supervised visits (but he NEVER visits our DD).
I HAD to get supervised visits because he is an admitted Heroin abuser (luckily he admitted this in court one day because for years I tried everything to prove that he was a drug abuser, but wasn't able to).  Even though he abuses drugs, I want our DD to know her father, he just has to be supervised so he doesn't put her into a dangerous situation.  I also don't want him around her when he is high for obvious reasons.

He just doesn't seem to want to be a Dad (not sure why, because when I told him that I was pregnant 15 years ago, he was VERY happy)!  He rarely pays CS (only when he knows that they are going to arrest him), he's NEVER paid one dime for ANY medical bills, and he doesn't call DD or visit DD!  Tell the BM in your situation that I said that she should thank her lucky stars that her ex is a good father!!!

Good luck to you all!!!

[melissa3]

Haha haha  I would love to tell BM that everyday!! Unfortunatly,I can't talk to her because she doesn't like me being around - hence this court mess we are in now =)

See, BM told the courts fiance was abusing drugs also. Fiance has a prescription for the surgery he had on his arm and BM said he was abusing that. She had a tape of him taking his medication, thats all! She has no proof he ever hurt his daughter or put her in danger in any way while on medication. Sadly we had a really sucky lawyer who did little to defend us and that's how we wound up with supervised visitation.

These visitaions, plus the cost of the evalutation, child support and the cost of living have really put us in a hole. We haven't had any money to see SD lately and that's why BM says fiance is a bad parent - becuase he has no money to see his daughter. The thing is, we'd have money if BM didn't bring the courts into this in the first place. =(