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Children Doing Without Even Tho I'm Paying. PLEASE HELP!!

Started by dad2tk, Jun 16, 2008, 06:05:54 PM

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Hi! This is a long story, but I'll make it as short and painless as possible. My wife (at the time) moved out of our home and in with her boyfriend 2 years ago. She didn't want a divorce because she wanted to stay on my insurance. After almost a year, she decided she wanted a divorce so she could remarry. Prior to the divorce I had been paying her $600/month for child support WITHOUT and order of any kind. This is what she and I agreed upon when she moved out. Just before the divorce she went to child support in MT and had them calculate the support. As usual, she told them horrible lies and these people treated me like scum. They did not show me the calculations they used and I did not ask because I expected a govt agency to be FAIR, LEGAL and impartial, so I signed without realizing how bad they had put the screws to me. I found out much later that they calculated the support on BOTH my retirement from the USAF and my 40 hr/wk job, but only calculated 32 hrs/wk because my ex told them her "foot hurt". There was no medical documentation to support that whatsoever. I, however, have a DOCUMENTED 40% disability from the Air Force and they told me they would not accept that unless I was TOTALLY unable to work and on SSI. They refused to recalculate and impute wages on her, saying that I "should have hired a lawyer". I payed for our divorce which we got online because I couldn't afford a lawyer. That was a nightmare of "surprises, too, but a different story entirely.
  Anyway, I tried to get it changed in court like CSED told me I had to, but then they went to the judge and told her they still had jurisdiction and had it thrown out without being heard. I then went to the governor's office, who didn't want to be bothered with it and turned it back over to CSED. After that, they started harrassing me even worse, even going so far as to contact my insurance and get an ORDER for it even though my children have never been without insurance a day in their lives.
  In the meantime, my ex and her husband go out to the bars every Fri and Sat night, leaving my kids home alone. They have bought TWO $600 dogs, a HUGE flat screen t.v., jewelry for my exwife,etc... They have taken trips to her husband's family reunions and yet she tells the children that she "can't afford" clothes, birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, school supplies, etc. When I got angry with her she went running to CSED and they had the gall to send me a letter saying I have no right to tell her how to spend the money.
  Don't tell me to go for custody. The kids are her meal ticket. She refuses to work FT and when the kids mention leaving, she threatens suicide so they are AFRAID to leave. Please tell me where to go for help. She desperately needs a mental evaluation and my kids need out without having to worry that they will be responsible for her suicide (which she would not do; it's just a form of manipulation. She told them she couldn't make it without the CS and she would kill herself if she lost it.)
  Also, (I'm sorry this is so long) I truly believe she is a sociopath. She fits the description to a "T". She repeatedly says horrible, hurtful things to the kids, hits them and uses them and their stepdad for housework. She told my wife last time we went for custody that she "Had no feelings for my daughter anymore; I'm done with her". It was after I filed for custody that she threatened suicide. PLEASE, PLEASE help. I paid $3,000 to an attorney before and I can't afford it again, plus my kids are 13 and 16 now. They wouldn't tell the truth for fear of getting their mom into trouble. I kept my mouth shut for 2 years in spite of her trying to turn my kids against me. I don't know how much longer I can do it.


The kids are old enough to be heard by the court system...I do not know how to do it but you need to get them to tell the truth. My SS is going through some things for years on BMs side...never said a word. We tried to get him at our house due to the instability and several other factors ....and it was balked at by the judge and allowing for things to continue. FINALLY CPS was called multiple times on BM and her DH. FINALLY SS is speaking up as CPS came to his school, took him out of classs and spoke with him. He was FINALLY honest...and currently we have suspended over nights are her house and actually suspended all visitation. CPS told us we are responsible/liable for SS while at her house, so he is not going there at the moment at all.

BM had played many games (like suicide/I can't live without you, Daddy is going to take you away from me forever, etc) before and lied a million times to SS....now SS realizes what she was doing is wrong and putting him and his sis in harms way...he has finally said he is no longer going to fall for it and would be happy to speak with the law guardian to state what he wants without care of his mother's feelings.

Most children will protect their mother/father but some how get it through to them that BM is the adult and they are the kids. BM will be fine and if she isn't that is her choice. I have been telling SS for YEARS to be honest and ONLY HE knows the truth.... and he is only hurting HIMSELF if he doesn't look out for himself. I think he finally gets it.

No one can dictate how the money is spent - this is a very unfortunate process with CS. I think if there is CS supplied receipts on purchases and what it is being spent on would be great - but it is not going to happen. The ONLY way this can work is if your chilldren will be honest %100 with everyone involved.

BTW - SS is about to turn 14.

Good luck