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Are we being finicky?

Started by hisliltulip, Jan 13, 2004, 07:46:20 AM

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Ok, as many of you know from my post last week, my DH won sole physical custody of his youngest son.

We have since received papers from the judge and there is a huge red flag that I think I have caught....

Basically, the Judge said that DH gets custody because he is more stable of the two financially. BM hasn't held a job for more than a few months in the past four years, and never anything over 20 hours per week. She has lived off of CS, state aid, and mooching off of friends and family, just to not work.

For the past year and a half, the temp order was in place for each parent to have child alternating weeks (Sun-Sun).

The final order came back with DH having physical custody with BM having Tuesday nights to Thursday nights and every other weekend. I've done the math, each parent still gets him for seven days in a two week span, but now he'll change beds 6 times in fourteen days.

Soooo, let's say she finally gets her act together in the next couple of years, then takes DH back to court. He may legally have physical custody, but they will both have had the same amount of time.

Am I worrying where I shouldn't? I'd hate to have gone through all of this for her to get the extra time needed to take custody away from DH.

Please let me know your thoughts.



this is a hard one, I read it 3 days ago and took me that time to find an answer.

I wouldn't be too worried BUT why don't you wait 6 month and propose to the ex "to help her" to change it so it's this and that day and there and less days during the week but 2 more week vacations for her with kids in summer ?


Isn't the child in school?  Our order was similar but the children went to BM's on Tuesday and Thursday nights from 5-8 and then EOW.  I don't get the Tuesdays to Thursdays??  That is a little strange, not to mention ALOT of changing homes for the child.

You might ask for a better option, like summer vaction or listed times.  Maybe it will work for you.  Do you live in the same town?  If the child isn't in school yet this may work, but once school starts I don't see the logic in it.  It would be very disruptive I would think.  We really hate our 5-8's because she lives an hour away.

Hope this helped, I don't think you are being too finicky, maybe let the dust settle and put in for a modification only you are going to need a damn good reason for the change so early into the order.

Good Luck!


DH and I were talking about that this weekend.

If it does present a problem, I told him maybe we should offer her a few hours on Wed. nights and extra time in the summer.

He's actually not too worried about it.  Her track record on getting SS to pre-school (that she chose, but he enrolled ss in) has been pretty pitiful.

She hasn't shown the responsibility to get ss to preschool during the custody dispute, so why would she get him to real school now that an answer has come back?

Thanks for your input, I appreciate you taking the time to think it over!



SS is in pre-k right now.

Actually the order right now is Wed at 3:30 until 9:00am Thu and every other weekend, starting Friday afternoon until pre-k starts on Mon.

Once SS starts school (Fall of 2004) the parenting time changes from Tues after school until school begins on Thu (provided that SS gets to class on time Wed and Thu), eow from Friday afternoon until school starts on Mon.

Soooo, right now isn't so bad. But it is supposed to change in the fall.

DH is not worried too much about it, because once we move to our new house this spring, we'll be 35 min. away.  He thinks there is no way that BM will get ss to school on time.

Right now she's 1 mile away from pre-k and she got him there late last Thur (first visitation).

If she doesn't choose to change the days, then we'll watch her drop-offs at school like a hawk.  As soon as she has him late, DH will put in for change of parenting time.

I know not to mess with it right now, we DON'T want to tick the judge off.

Thanks for your input, I appreciate it!