Overwhelmed, overstressed, underpaid, overly-long away, underpants

[Tapdad]

Yesterday my car broke down.  Just another straw on the back of a camel.

Well, as updates go this probably isn't too surprising to anyone.  I'm in arrears, I'm back to being under-employed at a job I love for a friend I admire dearly, but it's not enough to make ends meet and I can't manage the demands placed on me.  I'm on such a razor's edge that little things like a car breaking down are unmanagable.

I'm still locked in my depression.  The medication I was on helped greatly, but I dread being on it for life.  I seem to have an extremely hard time functioning without it and I've accepted that I have to visit my doctor again.

Last week was the first time my children and I have been denied access to each other.  My work hours are different from before and it is very difficult for me to pick them up as early as I previously have.  My ex-MIL has "appointments" and followed up on an earlier threat to not be there this past week.  It hurts me deeply, it angers me greatly, it upsets me.

I'm back to the destructive coping from before -- I'm grinding me teeth, I'm drinking too much (which in my case is THREE beers), I'm isolating myself from the world and my friends.

I'm ill-prepared to go into court right now, but I have to face the facts that the time to go is now.  Like it or lump it, I need a change of circumstances.

So..

Let's go back to the coping strategies that worked.  It's past time for me to get back here and get some perspective from the wonderful people in the world.

I guess the first step is writing a sucky update and admitting I'm facing some serious problems and I need to get back into my support group.  And hope I haven't been too much of a jerk that I've pissed off the world.


Hello, Wonderful People!

I need a hug and a kick in the bottom.  Bonus points to anyone who gives me one of each.

 - Tappie

[prince13]

Hi Tappie

Here is Your HUG AND KICK IN THE A**!!!

I completely empathize with you. DH and I experienced visitation denial for nearly 6 months, and it sucks the big one.

We are having our own issues with BM again, back to court for her 5th or 6th time to reduce DH's parenting time. That is neither, here, nor there, but what I was getting to was what one of my good friends told me this morning when I was feeling sorry for myself and our situation..

You can't contro her, or her actions or anything she does, but you can adjust YOUR attitude on how you think about it and deal with it. And he is right, but a lot easier said than done sometimes!

Here is another HUG for you as you deserve it. I hope things turn the corner for you soon! And like yourself, 3 beers is excess for me too!! LOL!

Hugs,
Prince

[janM]

So sorry things are not going as well as they were, tappie.

Do get back to the doc. Seen a counsellor before?

((((hugs)))) and a kick if you really need one.

[skye]

Tappie..

You have been a good support  to me when I needed someone...You are a wonderful Father, you know that and I am ALWAYS here if you need an ear..I hope you know that too..

Now get it together and get ready for court or I will take ya snake huntin...


big hugs

Skye

[hagatha]

(((((((((((((((((Tappie))))))))))))))))))))))))

The car thing sucks, but you will find a way to get it fixed.

(Here is the kick)

First, You are under-employed because you choose to be. You are working at something you love doing and for someone you admire and respect. That's wonderful, truely is it. HOWEVER, as it is not enough to make ends meet, you need to either find other employment or get a second job. Being in arrears just happens sometimes, No One is 100%, 100% of the time. It isn't something you should beat yourself up over. If you cannot find employment at the level of pay you need to survive than you need to file to modify support.  

Second, if you had a heart condition or some other "physical" ailment that required daily medication, you would not feel the same way taking those meds as you do taking depression meds. Here to tell ya buddy-boy, depression IS a physical ailment. Go see the Doc and get on whatever you need to be on to get back in shape. Wallowing in a pity party will not help. (neither will the beer so stop both TODAY!)

Third, your ex and her mother will probably Never be there to help you care for your children. You already know this. They will do only what is absolutely necessary, the rest will Always be up to you. The kids KNOW you love them. Missing one weekend sucks for both you and them. BUT there is nothing you can do to change last week. You have to look forward to next week. File to modify pick up time if necessary.

Fourth, Get out the note book and make a plan. Write it all down and start taking steps to impliment your plan. You can't cross the goal line without starting on the path that puts you there.

I Know You Can Do This!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Try excersise, yoga, and meditation to calm your soul so you can be the Daddy you are supposed to be. Take a deep breath, put that wonderful smile on your face and know in your heart you can and will make it through this.

(and never forget the purple nightie and the SAM pole and time in the corner)

Love you lots and lots

The Witch

(PS: So glad to see ya back here)

[Tapdad]

I forgot I had the kids today for Father's Day until I met with a buddy yesterday afternoon and tried putting a plan together to get myself out.

I talked a bit of the financial stuff over with my boss / friend.  I'm not ready to leave nor is he ready to let me go.  Part of my job is taking care of the finances for the company and I know that I can't give myself a raise.  We're going to tough it out for a bit and try to grow our way out of this.

I know that drinking a couple of beers doesn't make a drinking problem, but for me for now it IS a problem.  I knew I was going dry when I wrote the last message.  It's simply a complication I don't need to add to my life right now.  Back to a personal choice to keep more grounded.

I call my family doctor tomorrow morning, get an appointment for later in the week, and get on the prescription again.  

The plan for the car is simple:  My dad can get a clunker for $500.  That's my price point.  Fix it or park it and get another piece o' junk.  It goes to the mechanic's shop tomorrow morning.

The legal stuff is coming together slowly.  I'm putting together proof of my finances.  I haven't a clue on a lot of the procedure I have to follow.  I'm mostly going to have to file against Maintenence Enforcement, my ex, and something with the Department of Justice.  I'll have a very busy week once again, I'm sure I'll be asking a ton of questions no one can answer but me.

Do I have to file with 30 days notice just to get my ex's Tax return before I can begin legal procedings?    I want to get the ball rolling and fight the whole thing at once.  I'm thinking it won't be possible from what I'm reading.

Ah well.  It will make for an interesting week.  I have the kids Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and then Friday through the weekend, so even if I don't have time to be putting my fight together, I'll be reminded of why I'm doing it.


Had a wonderful Father's Day.  The kids were overtired and super-crabby and test to my patience all afternoon.  When I was ready to break down into tears, I remembered that they were with me.

Time to get to work, you can bet I'll stay in touch.

  - Tappie

[wendl]

Hag said it so well.  

Anyways hugs to you and you can work your way out of this, you are stronger than you are letting yourself be.  You know we will be here for you.

PS Ya I miss the purple nighities, the corner and SAM.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[rini]

Tap dad


Here is a big HUG  ((((((()))))))))


email me sometime  

[email protected]

we can commiserate about antidepresants and the lack of them and life with them

Hope you feel better

rini