Help for my husband

[PalomaChavez]

My husband has a wonderful son whom he adores but the problem is he can't see him yet. He is currently on a almost three year battle to be able to see him.It started on June 18,2001 ,it was even before.One day he received a phonecall from his ex-girlfriend mother telling him that her daughter was pregnant and she wanted to know if he was the father.Thats when it all started, he traveled to Florida to start having paperwork done and the day his son was born he had a DNA to see if he was really the father,and he was. He checked with  child support  so he could start giving money to his child. Since the beginning the mother proved that she didn't want my husband to see her son.  My husband contracted an attorney .On July of this year they had a mediation meeting and they agreed on the terms on how my husband would see his child,she agreed with everything except that she didn't want him to have his last name,may I had that my husband had to fight to be listed on the birth certificate as the father cause she listed "No Name" under the father. Until this day she hasnt returned the paperwork signed but she has always waited until the last minute to do things. My husband told his attorney to set up a court date because it has gone too far. So we have a court date for Feb.12 of 2004,though we think she might sign the papers because its not to her advantage to go to court. We think that either way its going to be good for us,(hopefully).She has lied about so many things,she even told her family that my husband had forced himself on her that's why she got pregnant. But not even her family believes her. My husband wanted to get a polygraph test just to prove to her family that he was saying the truth, though they believe him because she just keeps saying things that don't match up. My question is ,I think that she is still going to continues being difficult after the visitation rights, Can we go to court again? and if we do what can we get from it. We are looking foward on moving next year to Florida so my husband can spend more time with his son. I would really appreciate and advice I can get.

[NoNicky]

Court is probably the best bet.  Keep pressing and do not stop until you have clear and concise court orders.  Try and keep the grandparents removed from the situation.  It will only muddle things in the long run.  Trust me on this one, we are now in a custody battle that lists, the bm, the bf, the step father and the grandparents!  It is truly a nightmarish situation.  Document everything.  Volunteering for a polygraph sounds nice but really doesn't do anything, even in the eyes of the court.  At this point they really don't even care how she got pregnant since she never has filed rape charges against him and then it would be a criminal matter and not one for the family courts to look at.  After she signs the papers what you would have to do is document instances of visitation interference.  Not just her being a pain in the butt, but actual interference (read the faqs here) and then you could see about having her charged with contempt.  She will most likely try to always keep your dh from ever having a part in his son's life.  My ss is now 8.  We are finally getting to know him.  That is only happening because the mother is in prison and can not disappear with him again.  Despite the fact that she is in prison, that my husband has never and will never be proven unfit we do not have custody and are rapidly going broke just trying to secure solid visitation with his son.  These battles are tough and tricky.  The older the child gets, the harder they are to win because then they can claim the father is a stranger and the child needs to be kept with the mother's family because he needs to be kept in "familiar surroundings" while he develops a relationship with his father.  That is a polite way of saying "we're going to place to your child with the parents of the person who denied you access to the child.  You remember, the people who have seen her and the child all these years, the ones who knew you were out there, the very same ones who helped her hide him and helped her deny you access to him and hinder your relationship with him and then tell you to work with those people to develop a bond with your child."  If it weren't so sickening it would be laughable.

NoNicky
For God has not given a spirit of fear; but of power and of love and of a sound mind.  1 Peter 1:6

[PalomaChavez]

We are trying to keep the grandmother out of the situation but she is our only link to my husbands son without her we couldnt even talk to him,my husband talks a lot with her and she has also told him a lot of things about her family but she trusts my husband in not ever telling her daughter that they have had these conversations. The grandmother knows how difficult her daughter is and knows how difficult she can get,I know that my husband will never say anything about the grandma and him talking. Thank you on all the advice you gave me it is really useful and I really appreciate it. Oh we also looked into that, because I asked my husband if we could ever get full custody of him but he said it was kind of difficult since the boy should be with whoever feels more comfortable with. It really sucks but I know soon we'll be able to see his son.

[NoNicky]

Has she signed the papers yet?  Don't let up on anything until the papers are signed and properly filed with the courts!  

I understand completely what your dh is saying about his son being with whoever he feels more comfortable with but bear in mind that he will never feel as comfortable with the two of you until and unless he can spend time with the two of you, including extended stays.  One step a time though.  Get the visitation first.  

Good luck!

NoNicky
For God has not given a spirit of fear; but of power and of love and of a sound mind.  1 Peter 1:6

[PalomaChavez]

Thanks and no ,she still hasn't signed the papers and hopefully soon we will get to spend some time with him.

[LWyatt]

Here is a suggestion that helped me quite a bit ( I have been going through almost the exact same problem, except that my ex actually filed criminal charges against me). The family court was going to take into consideration the Criminal Charges until my attorney was able convince them to wait till it was decided in criminal court. When that got worked out (I was given extremely favorable terms- I live in CO where there has to be a trial even when there is no evidence to support the claims of the accuser), we immediately asked for and was granted a Custody Evaluation. These are expensive (mine cost around $2200.00 and we had to pick up the tab because we requested it) but it has helped immensly. I now have primary custody (and I am the DAD) and she has weekend visitation every other weekend. Stick in there, it will work out. But I would suggest to just about anyone that is actually trying to gain custody of their children due to concerns over the other parent's parenting skills or what ever, to get one. It is the major thing that helped to save me and my son.

[PalomaChavez]

Thanks for the advice we still have one more month to go to see if she signs the visitation papers,if things continue to go bad once we are in Florida we will fight to have primary custody.

[LWyatt]

No problem, that's what we are here for. Please let us know what happens next.

[PalomaChavez]

I am happy to post that our situation is looking better, we had a court date ready for today but we got a call yesterday from our attorney saying that she would sign the papers so we can see my stepson, it looks like all she wanted was wait until the last day , the same as she has done with everything else, I know that we will still continue to have problems with her but at least right now we will be able to start seeing him , we are already planning our first trip to go see him. Thank you for all the advise that you gave me because it really helped us out.

[StPaulieGirl]

That is great news, congratulations :-)