Why daddy?

[BrianL]

http://www.loveisearned.com/html/Status.htm

Dearest Samantha,

Using my money, your mom's attorneys filed their response to my appellate brief and supplemental appellate brief to continue to keep you from me.  Because you're only 5-years old, you're too young to understand how this works.  So, let me explain it to you.

You see, your mom and a lot of very evil people (e.g., her attorneys and the judges) want to keep me from you.  (Why daddy?)  It's certainly a good question baby, as you only know me to be a great dad.  You know me as the father who always plays baseball and basketball with you (holding my arms in a circle for the basket; by the way, please stop using my face as the backboard).  You know me as the father who constantly takes you swimming (while you and your friends climb on me in the pool as we play toll bridge, Toy Story, and surfing).  You know me as the father who colors with you... who bakes brownies and cupcakes with you... who makes the lemonade for your lemonade stand... who reads books to you... who teaches you how to ride your bike without training wheels... who loves you.

Sweetheart, when I followed the process that the government requires to get divorced from your mom, it was never my expectation that, as a result, they would also keep me from you.  But, as I learned, when fathers and mothers divorce, fathers are removed from their children's lives (almost always).  Because the judge took you away from me (and me away from you), I filed documents in the Illinois appellate court asking them to remove their guns that are keeping me from you and to let me back into your life.  That's effectively what these briefs are:  documents describing why no one should ever be able to take a child away from a parent who has never hurt her.

Your mom and her attorneys want me to be involved in your life only minimally.  They wrote a document (called an appellee brief) that basically said why I shouldn't be allowed to see you.  (What did they say daddy?)  You're so curious!  Here are a few examples:

-  "The Lovetts proved in their protracted pretrial litigation that they were incapable of working together"; (But daddy, isn't that why you and mommy got divorced?)
-  "Determining custody by looking at what is in the child's best interest is not perfect";
-  Evil people that you or I don't know gave the "courts the discretion to decide where [children] would live and which parent would make decisions";
-  "The states can and pretty much always have imposed separate and special rules for children of divorce."

That last one really struck me hard.  (Why daddy?)  Well pumpkin, you'll eventually learn this in history class, but there used to be these evil laws (known as Jim Crow laws) that "imposed separate and special rules" for blacks (e.g., separate drinking fountains, separate seating arrangements, separate schools).  Many people suffered tremendously when these laws were in place, just like you and I both suffer tremendously now because someone has "separate and special rules" in place to keep me from you.  It hit me hard because most people (even our friends and family) don't care that history is repeating itself.  (Why don't our friends and family care daddy?)  I understand why you're confused sunshine, so let me say it another way:  though people might CLAIM they care, they don't care enough to actually DO anything to help us.  They much prefer to ignore the pain and suffering you and I feel.  I don't know why they aren't willing to do anything about our pain and suffering (probably because nobody's destroying their relationship with their children yet).  When you grow up, maybe you can ask them directly why they didn't help; I'm sorry sweetheart, but I just don't know.

Anyway munchkin, in reply to your mom's attorneys' evil words about why the judge is justified in keeping me from you, today I filed what's called a reply brief.  However, I don't want you to get your hopes up.  You see, the appellate judges who are going to read my words (if they even read them at all) are not interested in removing their guns from my head.  (Why daddy?)  Because sweetheart, if they take their guns away from me, they are going to have to take their guns away from every other good father who has been removed from their children's lives.  If they do that, there are a lot of people (like your mom's attorneys and the state) who are going to lose an IMMENSE amount of money that they are stealing.  And crooks don't like to lose money that they worked so hard to steal.  (Daddy, they can have the money I made from my lemonade stand.)  Unfortunately sunshine, they want much more money than that.  (Daddy, can we do another lemonade stand so I can make you more money?)

Hopefully, in a few months, I'll learn when I can explain to them verbally what I said in my briefs (this is called oral argument).  However, I don't expect to file my next appeal with the Illinois supreme court for at least 9 – 12 months.  You see, not only do they not care that I'm losing precious time with you that you and I will never be able to get back or make-up, but they also want to make this as painful as possible on me.  (Why daddy?)  Because pumpkin, if they do that, they think I will quit asking to be an equal part of your life.  After all, they've used these tactics for many years against other fathers, and they've been very successful as there's never been a father in the state of Illinois that has done what I'm doing (especially without any legal training).  (I love you daddy.)    I love you too sweetheart.  You see, almost all fathers eventually give up, thinking that they can't slay this beast that keeps them from their children.  (Daddy, you can use the magic sword from Sleeping Beauty.)  Don't worry munchkin, even though there is no magic sword that I can use, I won't give up on you.  I will never stop fighting to be with you.  (Daddy, please don't leave me.)

Dearest Samantha, I intend to earn your love and the love I feel for you.  I intend to be the best father you could ever have.  After all, being your father is the life-long job I chose over 6 years ago after planning it for most of my life.  I won't let you down sunshine.  But, I don't ask you to take my word for it – I intend to prove it to you.  (Why daddy?)

Because that's what good fathers do.

Love always,

Daddy

There is no such thing as visitation between a parent and his child.
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[MYSONSDAD]

You just wrote a zillinon plus reasons WHY to fight even harder and we all need to work together for the end result. For the greater good, EQUALITY.

There should be no such words as NCP or CP, scrap the word visitation. I am a parent, so I should be treated as such....



"Children learn what they live"

[KimK]

This is SOOOOOO Powerful and it reallyhurts me that no one can ever see the damage that the legal system and the ex spouses are doing to our kids and to so many wonderful dads!

However, there comes a time when you just run out, and it is not running out of steam, or ambition or love, but financially you just run out!  After 12 years, 3 judges, 3 mediators, a Guardian ad litem, a custody evaluation, our three attorney's and her 2 attorney's 87,000 in attorney's fees (just ours) imputed child support lost jobs, lost a 120,000 home (based on fasle allegations that were proven false in court) we have no more money left.  The courts will not even follow their own court orders.  At this point we have slowly been building a new life trying to hang onto our apartment while the ex continues to take money in child support that is not being used for things like medical insurance or day care, but refuses to have one of her many attorney's do a modification.  We have no attorney can not afford one and no one else to help.  So we have just pain run out.....................nothing else for us to do.  I wish things were different.

[MYSONSDAD]

Fight back. There are many who are banning together to try and turn things around.

Here is a place to start...
http://www.krightsradio.com/

there are many more

[c_alexander]

It's NOt that they don't see the damage they do...it's that they don't CARE.  Where we see families being destroyed, legislatures see $$$. They don't passs the laws to be evil...they pasws them to make money off of us. Money and power are the driving force behind our pain. It is ONLY when we all stand united and let these people we will not stand for this behavior will they start to take notice. They greed for money and power at the expense of our families....we take away all of their money and power.

[KimK]

Although this is now 4 years old now................

http://www.fapt.org/issues/heavyheartedmom.html

[flewwellin]

That was so SAD!!! but totally true!

[sheerdark]

Thank you so much for posting that.  It is unfortunate that the system is set up as it is.  I can feel your pain and I understand your daughter's pain, as I am going through a similar situation, myself.  However, I'm not quite as far into it as you are.  Your words and method of delivery made me cry remembering all my own feelings of pain, confusion, and injustice.  These feelings continue today.  I, too, simply want to be "allowed" to be a parent - I NEVER thought I would say those words when I first became a father.  I was ALWAYS involved...  It amazes me how a mother can just rip a child from the father and not have any problems with doing that to the child.  I'll be thinking about you and checking your site often.  

Thanks for fighting when no one else would!!  You have touched my heart tonight.

[eagle18hls]

As a father going through a custody battle over our 4 year old son, I am being tossed into the battlegrounds of war where there are no winners.
I just wanna add that a memory forever burned in my head is when my x and I were talking about divorce before this all went down.  Her rationality was ....
 
" I am a mother, any Judge in the world is going to award custody to me ... "

"No we can't and won't talk about our son living with you"

"This is the way I figure it, If I left you, you would have to pay x amount in child support... I'm better off (finacially) leaving then I am here with you. "    

Her last statement made me feel like she was in bed with the our justice system and was a triggering reason for our divorce.

[kitten]

I know this pain well.  I lost the love of my life when he lost his three.  Although he is still alive, he is not living merely going through the motions, I fear one day he will feel there is nothing more to live for.  Our relationship could not survive this storm, even love could not overcome.