SS with abuser.....Virginia

[dipper]

WE are in Virginia.  SS has spent a lot of time with us this summer.  A few weeks ago, he didnt want to go back with bm, but dh talked him into it.  On labor day, she came after ss and he was headstrong not to go back.  They are in a custody battle and ss is 13.  Well, ss told us that she had not bought him any school supplies and as we had hoping he would go to school here, we told him he could take his backpack.  DH even called him inside to get it and put it in the car as bm talked to oss.  DH went out and ss put the backpack in bm's car.  Then dh told her that she could enroll ss in school here.

She exploded - calling dh MF and SOB - and combinations there of....OSS got upset and told her to stop cursing dh.  SS told her to stop talking to his dad like that.  DH didnt name call or curse or scream like she was doing.  I was in the house and could hear her voice over the TV and AC.  I heard a loud slap and thought she had hit dh.  My daughter was looking out and said bm had hit ss on the face.  He had been sitting down on the tailgate when she did this.

She left, cursing and the last I heard ss say to her was, "mom I told you to stop talking to dad like that."

She went to the police and they didnt come - they called.  Dh told them what happened.  SS talked to them and asked about an assault charge and restraining order.  The officer said he could file it but would have to come the next day to do it.  

Now, bm was to pick ss up, but of course he wouldnt go back...

The next day, dh and ss go to the court as ss still wanted to file charges.  And he did, but a police officer comes and gets him and takes him - the judge had signed orders to have ss returned to bm.  They have to go in front of the judge and he blamed dh............he said that he did not believe dh had tried to get ss to go with bm.

He also just kinda laughed off the fact that she had slapped ss across the face.  This was for no reason - he stated that if she respected him, she would let him go to school here and that is when she slapped him. NOw, he is a huge child, but he was sitting and this was his mother...but the judge didnt take it seriously.

So, the judge puts ss back in his mother's care - the woman he had just filed assault charges against.

We are pissed.  The judge didnt base anything on the facts.  He acted as if dh was in contempt of the order.  He even stated that dh should have physically forced ss into the car.

Now, it was up to her to get ss in the car as she was the one picking him up.  Dh did tell him to go and had him ready and walked him out.  It was only after she started cursing and screaming that ss got really stubborn...and after the slap, dh didnt want to send him back either.....

At no time did dh say for ss not to go.....

but, that is what she is telling everyone of course. That dh would not allow ss to come home.

And the kicker - after court Tuesday, dh had asked about seeing ss.  She asked, "Well, do you want to pick him up or bring him home?"  Dh chose to pick him up, figuring she must be planning on staying with her bf and that is why she was offering to get him afterward.  Sunday rolls around and she is a no show....saying that it was his weekend to travel, not hers.....

This put dh 2 hours late getting ss home.  She sat him up, now he looks as if he twice in a row violated the order.

She is totally playing games here.......and the judge has given her open right to do this.......


Should we file a complaint against the judge for putting ss in harm's way given that dh will be in front of him Nov. 1?  

[gipsy]

I don't think any judge is going to care about 2 hours late Just make up some excuse , I delivered my son over one hour late , And It was brought up at trial < I just said My clock  Messed up and I thought it was the right time , And that was basiically true any way , But , I could tell the judge did not care a bit ,And I said I called her , Wich I had , And her atty said could you prove it with cell phone records , I said yes , And he shot the Pssfh A dirty look . Hey since were all into these acronyms so deep I made up a new one , psfh Psycho slut from hell
   I could teel the judge was falling asleep during this  line of questioning  Ands besides ,
  Do you really think that  the court  thinks this is a perfect world , And people are never 2 hours late just because its a custody battle .
  You are like many people , You worry that some mishap will be a criminal act now because this is a custody battle ,
   There may be something said , But it's not in any way a major  Mistake .

[KAT]

Well if you file against the judge then the judge can recuse himself or you'll be forced to continue having the case heard by the same judge who you just pissed off.
Have you thought about requesting a GAL be appointed? Or is there one already?
How about an amend & review motion to have the receiving parent pick up?
I'd also have a video camera or a voice activated tape recorder handy for each & ever exchange for the next five years.
Sounds like the judge MR. KAT had here in VA...cept she was a woman, a very father bias judge indeed.
KAT

[dipper]

She did know they were going to be late as the call was how dh knew to take ss home.  I asked dh exactly what made him think she was coming - and he said when they left court on Tuesday, she asked if he wanted to pick ss up from her house or bring him home that weekend...so he told her he would do the pick up.  Dh had even mentioned to me that it was his weekend, so she must be trying to add up brownie points by doing extra transporting - I figured she would be nearby with her bf.  

See, part of dh's show cause against her is the fact that she would bring ss 2 hours late for visitation - not calling, just leaving him to wonder where ss was and when he would get there.  Of course, she has ss full time anyway and dh's time is very limited - so 2 hours is a big deal when you add in the times she requests him home early for her family get togethers...

Thank you - and like I said, while having no proof, dh did as he was told

[joni]

we're in the same exact boat.

my SD was beat up, left bruises on her back by her mom.  filed with DCFS and judge returned her to the mom, said child was not in imminent danger.  

last friday, kid came back bruised again.  mom beat her up...THE DAY SHE WAS TO COME TO OUR HOUSE...trying to get this 8 y.o. girl to tell us she lied about her mom.

got DCFS involved AGAIN...going to court romorrow for emergency custody.

[dearsirena]

but has the county prosecutor been contacted by the CPS and has he/she decided to prosecute this woman?  Why wasn't it prosecuted the first time?

Sirena

[gipsy]

 My atty told me if My son has bruises , Then I should take him to the doctor, And that would carry more weight than Me reporting to  Child protective . The doc has an obligation to report any abuse to Child protective .And the doctor will document the bruises , wich could be gone before court , And the doctor is a third party , SO I called the Hospital , They said they  Had to report if I brought the child in  as a Patient , So I guess this is another process . My son seemed to be telling stories , And I could never tell , And he did not have bruises , But he said His mom Hit him , I never knew . Never had the issue go any where . But this was the info I gathered

[Kent]

Same thing here.
My son tells us (and even our friends) that his mother hits him on a regular basis. However, never any bruises or marks.

So we explain to him there is nothing we can do, he should talk to his teacher about it, and try not to p. her off.

An quite honestly, I do think he gets smacked every now and then, but I also believe he exaggerates it.

Kent!