To Indigo Mom

[grandma of one]

Thanks but, no thanks for your sarcasim especially, when your
probably no peach when it comes to writting. I was in a very big
hurry this a.m. had to work! I requested help not nastyness or to
be persecuted because I'm requesting help! How dare you!
I also know the mother is hurting and mentally ill due to things she
claims her family did to her as a child yet her desire to stay in
contact with them is so strong and unfortunately crazy. The things
I do know as facts about them is so very scary for me as a first
time grandma I don't want my granddaughter growing up in
that kind of atmosphere! So you are aware she lives with my mom
all of my family cares about her, has been there for her, supported her
fed her, clothed her, taken care of her!!!!!! Sooo don't act like you know
whats going on here, it would take more then a few sentences for
anyone to understand what our family and my son has been going thru
with this women!!!!!!!!!

[MKx2]

Grandma, I read your post several times and had a hard time understanding it.  I'm still not sure I DO understand the entire story.

However, in defense of Indigo, I must say that I did not find her post to be nasty or sarcastic.  The "regular" posters here read a LOT of posts.  Without the benefit of punctuation or paragraphs it is difficult to read them, understand and be able to give accurate information to the poster.

Let me address a couple of things in your situation ... if a child is born to an unmarried couple, there are SERIOUS issues from the get-go.  The mother basically has most of the rights in this type of situation, and the father has to fight tooth and nail to exercise his parental rights.  It isn't impossible, but it is an uphill battle for him.

I don't know what happened when he got arrested, but I must tell you that if he pleaded guilty to something he is NOT guilty of, then he has serious problems.  That plea, however, did not strip him of his parental rights ... the existing judicial system and our society did that the day the child was born without the benefit of married parents.

Perhaps you could post some further details so that others might be able to assist you.  However, you must understand two things about the SPARC site:  (1) this site is all about what is right for the children, which basically is the child's right to equal parenting by both parents (married or unmarried SPARC champions the same thing); and (2) no one here will sugar coat anything for you -- we all speak with voices of experience, and many have been to hell and back only to have minimal visitation with their own children awarded to them.

I hope that you will post more information -- I have a feeling that your son is going to need all the help and support he can get in order to be given any legal rights to parent his daughter.  By the way, it would be MOST helpful if you gave us the state in which your son and his g/f reside.

[Brent]

>Thanks but, no thanks for your sarcasim especially, when
>your probably no peach when it comes to writting.

Although you might not have liked the way she phrased it, what Indigo told you was essentially correct. You can ignore it if you want, but it won't make what she said any less true.

>I requested help not nastyness or to
>be persecuted because I'm requesting help! How dare you!

Sorry, but I didn't see ANY "persecution" there, just a bit of bluntness. If talking the plain truth (albeit bluntly) to you is "persecution" in your eyes, you're in for a very rough ride.

[Indigo Mom]

-----Thanks but, no thanks for your sarcasim especially-----


You call THAT sarcasm?  Oh honey hush...I was being nice.  You caught me on a good day.  Be thankful for that.


-----I requested help not nastyness or to
be persecuted because I'm requesting help! -----

Huh?  What the hell are you talking about?  You're mad because I called your son an idiot?  Well?  What kind of person says they're guilty THEN screams that they're innocent?  ooh ooh ooh...just about every person in prison!!!!!

-----How dare you!-----

How dare I?  You posted on this site asking for help.  If you want sugar and spice, you'll lose.  You NEED in your face bluntness when it comes to custody.  I could rewrite my post to make it drip with kindness and love...but then you'll probably never see your grandchild again.  Which would you prefer?  I came to the internet back in '99.  I found a website and posted my story.  There were some REAL assholes responding to me, and I responded to them the same way you're responding to me.  I wanted those "oh, poor you" responses.  Guess what?  Those real assholes are the ones I NEEDED to listen to.  Those real assholes helped me get my son.  A few of those real assholes are on this site right now.  Those real assholes are STILL assholes...but they're assholes on a mission.  To get justice for children.  To get people to understand that there's more to life than "winning" custody.  Those assholes will never know just how much I am thankful for their bluntness, for their in your face approach to my case.  The "sugar coaters"?  Had I listened to them...my son would probably still be in the care of a fricken monster.  

-----I also know the mother is hurting and mentally ill due to things she
claims her family did to her as a child yet her desire to stay in
contact with them is so strong and unfortunately crazy-----

Incorrect.  It's not crazy.  It's called being human.  We so desperately want our parents love, and when we don't get it...we continue to desperately try to get it.  It's VERY difficult to "accept" that our parents, the ones who are supposed to love us unconditionally, don't give a shit.  If you've never been in those shoes...please refrain from calling it "crazy".

-----Sooo don't act like you know
whats going on here, it would take more then a few sentences for
anyone to understand what our family and my son has been going thru
with this women!!!!!!!!!-----

Of course I don't know what's going on...my response is based on YOUR post, YOUR words.  If you wanted people to know what's been going on, you could have made a post STATING ALL THAT'S BEEN GOING ON!!!!!

Bottom line?  You don't like the responses.  That's ok...but very telling.  You don't want the truth, you want to hear what YOU want to hear...and darling, what you want to hear isn't always right.  

[grandma of one]

I'm a first time user of this forum by chance and I'm very upset
with whats happening and I didn't say my son is innocent, he's guilty
slapping her which caused a physical fight between him and I,
because I don't condone any man hitting a women! She is not innocent
and you do not have to spell it out for me about her own turmoil
regarding her side of the family, believe me, we understand. I don't
want my granddaughter to go through any kind of hell she supposedly
has with her family! This young women has been living in and amongst
our family for 2 years her parents try to avoid her, her own father
changed his address and phone so she can't contact him. Her
father and mother have said and done some very nasty things to
my son and her! I don't think I can believe everything she has said
happened to her as a child because she's a compulsive liar, but I
know some facts to be true such as prejudice, physical and mental
abuse and jail time by her father, brother and mother! I'm all for
my son and his girlfriend to have to take domestic violence classes,
parenting classes etc... I just feel miserable for all because we don't
know where girlfriend or granddaughter are! My son regrets all, he
just wants to see and hold his daughter she's 3 mos.
         
                                             Grandma of one

[Indigo Mom]

-----Thanks but, no thanks for your sarcasim especially-----


You call THAT sarcasm?  Oh honey hush...I was being nice.  You caught me on a good day.  Be thankful for that.


-----I requested help not nastyness or to
be persecuted because I'm requesting help! -----

Huh?  What the hell are you talking about?  You're mad because I called your son an idiot?  Well?  What kind of person says they're guilty THEN screams that they're innocent?  ooh ooh ooh...just about every person in prison!!!!!

-----How dare you!-----

How dare I?  You posted on this site asking for help.  If you want sugar and spice, you'll lose.  You NEED in your face bluntness when it comes to custody.  I could rewrite my post to make it drip with kindness and love...but then you'll probably never see your grandchild again.  Which would you prefer?  I came to the internet back in '99.  I found a website and posted my story.  There were some REAL assholes responding to me, and I responded to them the same way you're responding to me.  I wanted those "oh, poor you" responses.  Guess what?  Those real assholes are the ones I NEEDED to listen to.  Those real assholes helped me get my son.  A few of those real assholes are on this site right now.  Those real assholes are STILL assholes...but they're assholes on a mission.  To get justice for children.  To get people to understand that there's more to life than "winning" custody.  Those assholes will never know just how much I am thankful for their bluntness, for their in your face approach to my case.  The "sugar coaters"?  Had I listened to them...my son would probably still be in the care of a fricken monster.  

-----I also know the mother is hurting and mentally ill due to things she
claims her family did to her as a child yet her desire to stay in
contact with them is so strong and unfortunately crazy-----

Incorrect.  It's not crazy.  It's called being human.  We so desperately want our parents love, and when we don't get it...we continue to desperately try to get it.  It's VERY difficult to "accept" that our parents, the ones who are supposed to love us unconditionally, don't give a shit.  If you've never been in those shoes...please refrain from calling it "crazy".

-----Sooo don't act like you know
whats going on here, it would take more then a few sentences for
anyone to understand what our family and my son has been going thru
with this women!!!!!!!!!-----

Of course I don't know what's going on...my response is based on YOUR post, YOUR words.  If you wanted people to know what's been going on, you could have made a post STATING ALL THAT'S BEEN GOING ON!!!!!

Bottom line?  You don't like the responses.  That's ok...but very telling.  You don't want the truth, you want to hear what YOU want to hear...and darling, what you want to hear isn't always right.  

[grandma of one]

I'm a first time user of this forum by chance and I'm very upset
with whats happening and I didn't say my son is innocent, he's guilty
slapping her which caused a physical fight between him and I,
because I don't condone any man hitting a women! She is not innocent
and you do not have to spell it out for me about her own turmoil
regarding her side of the family, believe me, we understand. I don't
want my granddaughter to go through any kind of hell she supposedly
has with her family! This young women has been living in and amongst
our family for 2 years her parents try to avoid her, her own father
changed his address and phone so she can't contact him. Her
father and mother have said and done some very nasty things to
my son and her! I don't think I can believe everything she has said
happened to her as a child because she's a compulsive liar, but I
know some facts to be true such as prejudice, physical and mental
abuse and jail time by her father, brother and mother! I'm all for
my son and his girlfriend to have to take domestic violence classes,
parenting classes etc... I just feel miserable for all because we don't
know where girlfriend or granddaughter are! My son regrets all, he
just wants to see and hold his daughter she's 3 mos.
         
                                             Grandma of one

[NoNicky]

Those people who you believe are being nasty are the very ones you need to listen to.  They know.  Most of us do.  We've already lived through what you are just beginning to.  I wish I could paint you a pretty picture.  I can't.  It will be ugly.  VERY UGLY.

Trust me.  We're finally getting to hug my dh's son.  It's only taken 8 years.  He never once hit the bio mother and there were never any claims of domestic violence when they lived together other than what she said about her family.  Sound familiar?  She lived with dh and his family for a couple of years saying hateful things about her family.  Suddenly this family is "perfect".  This family she accused of hitting her and her sisters has not only my dh's son but her 2 daughters from a marriage that has happened between then.  She's in prison, the father of the daughters is shut out or not strong enough to fight but we're still here.  We're not going away.  Now she claims my dh was abusive of her.  Now she claims he pushed her down the stairs in an effort to try to cause her to miscarry.  Ok so she did fall down the stairs.  My dh was at work, she called his mother who came and took her to the hospital where the only thing they found was a bruised ego on her part.  Who do you suppose the courts are believing right now?  My dh, who has no criminal record, who has worked hard all his life, who had his child, hidden and stolen from him.  She and the man she married now admit to actively defrauding my dh of his parental rights by knowingly lying about paternity of his son, but that was a different lawsuit and a different battle.  Or, do you think they believe the woman who has been diagnosed as bipolar, schitzophrenic, pathologically incapable of differentiating the truth from a lie and is in prison convicted of the felony fraud of identity theft with charges of defrauding the state of more than $25,000 pending?  They believe the woman!  

I would like to simply suggest that you read every post you can and see and feel some of the pain that the others have been through.  Read all the faqs and other information available on the site.  There is valuable information to be had if you read with an open mind and open heart.

[LWyatt]

Good luck Grandma, you and yours are going to need it in a big way. If you really want to get a good idea of what you are in store for, take a look through all of the other posts on this message board.  Just about every person that has posted here has been through hell due to the love that they feel for their children. If you are serious about wanting to help your son get custody, or at least visitation, then you need to be prepared to fight a long hard, nasty fight. Some have been luck and gotten their issues resolved with in 5 years, others are still working theirs out, and their children are in college. There is no quick fix to this situation, all it takes is honesty, integrity, time, money, and lots and lots and lots of patience. Good luck, and God bless.