NY Father needs help

[scott19f]

I am a father two.  Currently trying to have my children removed from their mother for neglect, abuse, etc.  I have filed with CPs, the children's school has filed, as well as my local hospital having filed for belts marks across my daughter's back.  The mother cannot maintain a residence as she has moved 3 times in the last 6 months.  I continue to try to get her into family court for a violation of my visitation order, but the judge just keeps saying "we'll try and get her."  She has not shown up for a court date in 6 months.  I have even had her served(visitation paperwork) and she didn't show up.  Now she violated the order the first week it was in effect, however the court has been lax in getting her the visitation order(still don't know if she has it).  I feel as though I am not getting the attention that she would be getting if this was her case.  The CPS investigator has been "investigating"  4 seperate abuse allegations against her for the last four months.  What more can I do?  I can't afford an attorney to fight her.

[scott19f]

I neglected to mention that her current Bf is an abusive alcoholic.  And has on numerous occasions given her black eyes and threatened (in presence of the kids) to kill her.  The children's school has filed an abuse complaint against her based the stories told by the children to the school social worker.

[pollar]

First and for most, who served her with the petition? In NYS you can have the marshalls go out to serve her if you have her address. At this point she is allienating you from your kids. If you have an address as to where she lives, CPS can request that you have the kids until the court decide on what is going on.

Things that help are, if you have her address see if the us marshall can do it for I think the sum of $25. If she is served and doesn't appear to court, she will have a warrant out for her arrest. If you don't have her address. see if she's working or is on social services, then the courts and get the warrant served. other things to do is ask her family,friends,any one you think may run in to her of her where abouts.
Even the school can provide the courts with her information.

The main thing is to let the law(that doesn't care) do their job. Immediately file a petition for emergancy custoday and ask to see the judge the same day. This will expedite the process. If you pay child support and are unable to afford a lawer, you can be assigned one based on your income. Abuse is something the courts take lightly if you are only in some cases a woman. (unless she's a good mother). Print out papers with your kids names and pics of them. Post them in what you think is her neighborhood. This will get some attention.

once in court you must have documents confirming the abuse of the children. the bF at this point doesn't matter in the courts. Be sure to keep the names and #s of the CPS workers along with the hospital forms and the school. This is called proof of immediate danger. Doesn't mean you'll get custody but, you will have access to your kids. Who knows if the judge is caring enough you may have a great chance in getting custoday.

Pollar Dedicated father

[CustodyIQ]

Hi,

First of all, I suggest that you "Edit" your post to remove your name, which I presume is your true name.  No need to have your name floating about on a forum like this.

I suggest that you get affadavits (i.e., sworn declarations) from the teachers and school social worker as to what the children are telling them.

If there is a finding in the CPS investigation, get a copy of it.

Get a copy of the hospital records, wherein a doctor has described the marks on the children.

Ideally, the school knows you well enough that a teacher or counselor would support the children being with you.  Have them include that in their affadavits.

Once you have all of that together, file for emergency temporary orders that give you sole custody of the children with supervised visitation to the mother pending further orders.

You can try to do this via an Ex Parte hearing, which may only require 24 hours notice to the mother.  Have a friend hand this notice to the mother, and then fill out the "proof of personal service" form for your state.

I think that if you're armed with those affadavits, plus the hospital record, plus any CPS findings... the court will likely give you temporary custody and will probably want to schedule a future hearing to more deeply delve into the matters.

If you can get the school counselor to show up in court with you as a witness, I think you'd have a homerun.

Once you have sole custody, you will be able to pick up the kids from school and you can give the school written notice that NO ONE ELSE can remove them from school.  You can provide the school with a copy of the orders, and that's what they'll be able to rely on to prevent the mother from taking the children.

Above all, you need to think about how to give the court a very easy decision.  If it's just your testimony and nothing else, it's hard for the court to make a decision.

But if you're providing valid evidence and sworn testimony from objective witnesses, you're making it very easy for the court to give you sole custody.

You may even suggest, at your emergency hearing, that you think it'd be best for the kids to undergo a custody evaluation to help the court understand the gravity of what's going on, and that giving you sole custody in the meantime will ensure that the kids are safe from abuse.

If a school counselor is saying the kids should be taken from the mother (i.e., said while under oath), and if you have a hospital report showing signs of physical abuse, your biggest barrier is your own lack of awareness about the law and its process.

If there's any way you can raise the money (even by going into debt) to hire an attorney for this, you'd be doing the best thing for yourself and your kids.

Good luck.  Just persevere and keep trying.  That's all you can do.

[scott19f]

I had her served by my friend at my place of employment.  And she still did not show up.  All that happened is that the judge granted most of my requests.  She then violated the order the week it was issued.  I have since been pursuing a violation of visitation.  However, its been three months and still no progress.  I feel as though the court is downplaying my efforts to get my kids to a safer enviorment.

[scott19f]

I had her served at my place of employment by a friend.  The sheriff's dept works for the court and supposedly can't find her.  Given they don't have a picture that may well be true.  I would think they would ask for id when they show up to verify her identity.  Instead they take "she doesn't live here" as an acceptable answer.  I have been trying to get her into court for the Violation of visitation order for 3 months now, by the time she actually shows up there's going to be no merit to the complaint.

[MrR]

A few additions to the sound advice already offered:

If she has any prior arrests, the Sheriff's dept. does have a photo of her available. If not, provide them with the most current one you have.

If the children are still attending school, she could be served there, as she drops them off or picks them up. If they ride the bus, the server could follow them home and serve her there.

I would get all of the statements from CPS, the school counselor and the hospital in writing. Contact detectives at your local PD and Sheriff's dept. and explain your situation. Provide them with the written statements from all of the above, plus your judges orders. If they do not follow through, file complaints with both departments. If action is not taken, notify the judge and provide proof that they (both departments)are scoffing at his or her orders.

If these steps are taken and you do not get results, contact an attorney who has sued your county/Sheriff's Dept. or local PD in the past. They will jump at the chance to represent you in forcing them to take action.

[cinb85]

Do you REALLY want your children to witness their mother being arrested?  My ex pays absolutely no child support.  He does not visit with our daughter and he nevers calls her even though we live in the very next town.  Still, I would NEVER want our daughter to witness him being arrested.  No child needs to see EITHER parent being arrested for ANY reason!  Just my opinion!

[scott19f]

I never said I wanted to have her arrested.  I just want my kids out of that element.  I don't want my kids to witness or receive the beatings that her drunk of a bf deals out.

[cinb85]

I was referring to someone's suggestion that you have her arrested when she picks up/drops off the kids at school.  I just think that it could be too traumatic for the children.

I totally understand that you want your children out of that element.  I know that you fear for their safety.  I would just have them arrest your ex when she arrives at home AFTER dropping the kids off at school.

Good luck to you and I hope that your children will be safe!

[jolawanda]

I think if she is defying court orders and playing the cant find me game......that sort of crap....! You know I am very fair when it comes to the woman vs. man thing right? I think if the mother gets arrested then so be it. Those kids are the biggest concern, and I know YOU know that. She should in no way be given any special treatment of extra time for answering for her actions. And, I know you know that too. You and I have shared a TON with that lovely state we deal with! :)

I don't think arresting her at school, etc would be OK but, heck she should be taken into custody to at the very least get the kids. OR CPS and the sheriff should be snatching them

[cinb85]

on the children.  I worry about my ex's children when the police arrest him in front of his two sons, but I have NO control over that.  If I was ex's girlfriend and the police knocked on my door to arrest him, I would ask them to wait until I can get the children into another room and then let them either come in and arrest him or make him go outside for them to arrest him.  I would do EVERYTHING in my power to make sure that the children do not witness his being arrested.  You KNOW what a jerk my ex is, but I still would never want our daughter to witness him being arrested.  I'm just saying that if there's any way to avoid her being arrested in front of the children, then he should do everything he can to make that happen.  

I sincerely hope that he is able to get his children away from her where they will be safe.

[smtotwo]

arrest the mother at school drop off or pick up, but to rather
serve her the papers at the school.

[cinb85]

At least I hope that you are right.  Thanks for pointing that out to me!

[jolawanda]

I have run across. You always have the kids in mind.

Your X is one of the biggest ass holes I have ever heard of. The crap he gets away with is disgusting at best. :)

[cinb85]

I really hope that this guy gets his children away from the ex's abusive BF!

It's been almost three weeks since I sent that letter to my ex trying to get him to visit our daughter and still no response.  His girlfriend just wants DD to disappear from ex's life and I guess he's letting her get her way!!!  His loss!!!!