Why do so many CP's want to give bad advice on message forums?

[beeboah]

Hi,

It seems that no matter what message forum I go to, there is someone (or more than one person) who needs to go beyond telling me what I don't want to hear. It seems that when I post a simple question about how to proceed legally I am greeted with alot of animosity even though no one knows the particulars of my situation. Are people out there that eager to blindly defend their greed and do anything that they can do to maintain the status qo concerning custody and child support?

For example:

Question:

I just relocated, how do I file for modification?

Answer: Why didn't you file before you left?

Answer: You left your family, bla bla bla.

Question:

How do I get child support arrears forgiven?

Answer: Why do you want to get them forgiven?

(Because I am living out of my car eating ramen noodles....hey none of your business anyways)

I am noticing this more and more, even on this forum.

If I ask a question, I expect and honest answer. Not what I want to hear or what I don't want to hear.

Just wanted to vent and post the particulars of what I have noticed.

One of my points would be that it seems that many people have a hidden agenda out there and are willing to deliberately give you bad advice to deter your individual efforts and to further secure their lofty world of keeping a child away from the NCP and leeching the NCP fincancially dry as a form of revenge, effective visitation interference, and for their own personal financial benefit.

Sorry, but I needed to vent!

[MYSONSDAD]

Most of the posters here, try their best to get you in the right direction. We are human and make mistakes. I went back and read some of the replies you received. I saw nothing offensive about them. They were giving you suggestions and sound advice.

Some needed advice to you, 'you can catch more flies with honey, then you can vinegar'. From all of your posts, you sound very bitter. Most of us have been where you are now. We do understand. Maybe a little less attitude might be to your advantage.

SPARC has a wonderful search engine here and is easily useable. You can find this at the bottom of the home page, look for site search. SPARC also includes TGB links for every State. The key is educating yourself.

Child Support FAQ
SPARC Child Support FAQ I'm new to all this...where do I start? Where can I find information about my State's child support laws and guidelines? What determines how much child support I have to pay?...
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/faq/csfaq.php - size 8kb - 23 Oct 2005

For really sticky stuff, ask Soc. Follow his mandated guidelines.

We do, at times, have a troll come thru. But with very eagle eyes, we seem to keep them from reaching out with too much havoc on unexpected NCP's trying to improve their personal situations. But nothing indicated, this was the case in response to your posts. You got sound answers, they just shared with you, their personal experiences...

Now, what's your question?


"Children learn what they live"

[Kent]

Your examples do not show any bad advice.

I.e. the moving issue; most court orders state that PRIOR to a move, a new schedule needs to be created, approved, etc. etc.
There are good reasons for that. You obviously didn't do that, and start thinking about the problem after the fact.

Asking why you didn't take care of that before the move is a very justified question. It also is a statement to readers of the posts that yes, they should take care of that before they plan to move.

And if there were compelling grounds why you didn't, then knowing those grounds helps to give you better advice.
("My home was destroyed by a hurricane" would get you different advice than "I just wanted to move, and was too busy to take care of this beforehand". Also: "I want arrearages forgiven because my CS was set to 75% of my gross income" will get you different advice than "Well, I wanted a new car, so I missed 6 months of CS to pay for it").

I know that both issues are a real pain, and cause a lot of frustration. But please do not read anything in the replies that's not there.

Kent!

[beeboah]

My questions were already asked. This is the father's issue portion of the forum, hence I have posted a "fathers issue". I was talking about responses received in general on the internet. Not solely on this forum.

If you are "confused" then why do I have PM's from people saying that they understand EXACTLY what I mean?

Most of the responses that I have received here were in line.

It seems that it is ok for everyone else to be "bitter" as you put it when initiating responses, but when I explain myself clearly then I am called "bitter".

I am simply doing as others do. Telling my story, and telling the truth.

Ok for some, but not ok for all????

If my "bitterness" drives me to excel, then so be it. When I was easily pushed over and deterred by being the "nice guy" that is when my problems started.

Answering questions by asking other questions that are "loaded" and innapropriate to a given response are a big waste of bandwidth and time.

Sorry this is how I feel, and others apparently feel the same way.

This board seems to be a great utility. I intend to use it.

No one is specifically knocking this board.

[cinb85]

I have posted another message to you.  I was just giving you my honest opinion.  I thought that is what you wanted.  

As far as me asking you your reasons for wanting the judge to forgive the arrears, I said in my message that if you didn't want to disclose those reasons, I would understand.  

When you ask for opinions on these boards, you need to give enough information for people to understand the situation and respond.

Yes, I am a CP and yes, my ex is a real creep and doesn't pay his child support, but that doesn't mean that I can't be neutral.   I know MANY NCPs who have gotten screwed by the court system.  I know many who can't make it with what money is left in the paycheck after all of the CS is taken out.  I don't believe that the court system should bleed anyone dry!  I just told you a little about my ex so you could see what my reasons were for my opinion.  Since you ARE paying your child support, I applaud you, but I still don't think that Judge will forgive the arrears based on what you said.

These boards are great and sometimes you get opinions that you don't like, but its because there are so many people on these boards that have been in very different situations, that I like to ask for advice from people here (I mean all of the boards here).  It's interesting to see the opinions of each person.  It doesn't mean that you have to agree, but it gives you some insight into other people's situations.

I sincerely wish you luck with your situation!  Maybe (and again this is just a suggestion) you should think about trying to get custody.

Good Luck!!

[beeboah]

The answers that I have received would be along the lines of...........

You are a bad person for moving. You should have not done that....without answering the question.

How is that conducive to any sort of answer????

It deducts from your original post when 50 people hop on and tell you that YES you are a bad person without giving you any advice.

Now that is TROLLING

[beeboah]

Your opinion is not "law". Again, Ref answered my question by saying that a judge has no authority to modify my arrears.

I understand that you have opinions based on your situation, but since the judge has no authority to do anything without the CP then my reason whether subjectively good or bad would be pointless wouldn't it?

There is no reason to give "too much information" on these boards. Especially when a clear response can be initiated without knowing certain things, or things that could cause a subjective opinion like you (the fact that you breathe these days seems to be enough)

I am going to go for custody, but had to get past the visitation obstacle first.

[cinb85]

I'm sure that there could be some VERY good reasons for the Judge to modify the arrears.

As I said before when I asked you what your reasons were, I told you that if you didn't want to disclose them I would understand.   I didn't feel that I could give you an honest "opinion" if I didn't know the reasons.  If you didn't disclose your reasons, I wouldn't have given you an opinion.

I don't understand why you are getting nasty with me.  I don't feel that I have been nasty to you.

I wish you luck in your custody battle and hope that your child gets the life that they deserve.

Good Luck!

[beeboah]

The post was not directed specifically at you. However, I don't understand what your opinions have to do with "law".

The "law" apparently states that the CP must be involved to get out of arrears.

I went out on a limb to disclose my reasoning. I wasn't really looking for an opinion. I was looking for a legal answer.

I am not being nasty to you. In fact, I am just stating how hard it is to get good information for NCP's overall.

[cinb85]

Most posts on these boards are just that, opinions.  With the exception of SOC, I think that most of us here are just giving our opinions based on our own experiences.  

I DO feel that you were nasty to me and I don't feel that I deserve it.  I was just trying to help.

No post on these boards are directed specifically at anyone person, unless you put their name in your subject.  Even then, anyone is free to respond with their advice.  

If you want Legal advice, I would suggest that you contact a lawyer.