new beginning?

[antonin]

For many years, my son, (30 years old) from another marriage would regularly visit my daughter (10 years old now) at Christmas and the summer and we often took trips together. He did this from the time daughter was born. The last time he visited was in July of 2002. In approximately early January of 2003, my ex-wife informed me that a counselor from a women's shelter had made a call to CPS concerning an alleged incident between my son and daughter.

I have tried to recreate the event that started this situation and have received bits and pieces from my daughter. EX enrolled herself and daughter immediately in the same women's shelter referred to above after EX filed for divorce in Sept. 2001. Two therapists from the shelter wrote FOC evaluator who investigated our custody case stating that daughter and her mother "exhibited most of the signs and symptoms of persons exiting abusive relationships."

The FOC evaluator recommended 50/50 custody and I have been doing that since Oct 03. I moved 65 miles and commute. I bought a home in my daughter's school district.

Daughter did not attend individual therapy at the woman's shelter on a regular basis, but was part of a group. This went on for 2 years. Apparently there was an exercise (Jan 2003) wherein the children were first asked to draw pictures of anyone who hurt them, identify that person, and then put some kind of sticker on that person. The way the exercise was conducted that every child was required to name someone that hurt them and the next child was not called upon until the previous child had named someone. My daughter named my son. Later, in talking with my daughter about the incident, she stated that my son did not hurt her and they were just playing and does not seem at all disturbed by the incident.

I never saw the report. My ex claimed that Jennifer stated that son had "tied her up." The women's shelter called CPS. CPS called the cops. The cops came to my house in Feb. 2003. They did not investigate because my son did not live in Michigan, but in Arizona. My son was advised by an attorney not to talk to daughter or myself back in Jan 2003. My son is a junior high school teacher in AZ.

After seeking advice from Soc and others on this board, I decided to have daughter and son not communicate.

This was 3 years ago. My daughter is 10 years old now.

I always assumed that the EX was motivating this stuff and vindictive against my son.

Well, I spoke to EX last PM. I told her about the situation (Son and daughter not communicating or visiting) and Ex said she was surprised to hear that and thought they talked on a regular basis and she also wondered why they did not see each other.

Well this was big news to me!

I explained the effect the woman's shelter incident had had on my son and me and my reson's for not having son and daughter communicate.

So, I was wondering if it would be a good idea to have EX sign a notarized statement to the effect that she is aware that son and daughter are communicating and intend to visit and that she has no problem with it.

EX stated she would be willing to do this. I do not want to get attorney involved, etc. just because I do not want anything that would make EX think I was up to something nefarious.

The other issue linked to the above situation was that of child support and alimony. My decree provided for 860.00 a month
rehabilitative alimony for 3 years. The decree also provided that I pay ex full child support, whether or not I have 50/50 for a 3-year period.

The 3-year period is over and the alimony is ended. I have decided
not to file for a modification of support. I can afford to pay the full support and EX needs it.

My original fear was that trying to facilitate communication between son and daughter would give Ex a reason to file for full custody to get more support if I attempted to modify support to reflect current 50/50 custody situation.

I have eliminated that motivation. She has no financial incentive to file for full custody, since it would cost her MUCH more to take care of daughter for an entire month that it does now if she had to pay for everything.

50/50 has been very smooth with no incidents.  Daughter's grades have gone from C's to A's in the past 2 years with my involvement in her school work.

I have kept meticulous detailed records, documentation and receipts on Optimal's parenting Time Tracker since Sept. 03.

So...what should I do?

How should I word notarized document?

Thanks.

[4honor]

I, _______________(BM) understand that on ____________date to ____________date, my daughter________________ (DD) will be spending time with her father ______________________(BF) and her half sibling _______________________. This is a special time for DD as her older sibling lives out of state. I understand that this family time may include visits in neighboring states and/or a weekend in Disneyland/Grand old opry/Canada/whatever if it can become feasible.

I have no concerns regarding the visit or the travel and provide this statement of my own free will. BF has provided me with the intended and alternative schedules and I have contact numbers.

[antonin]

Thanks!

[ocean]

Hmm...I do not think I would trust her not to call CPS after the visit. How could she not know they were not talking? She HAD to ask your daughter questions over the past few years. It could ruin your son's teaching career. Maybe call CPS and see if they will keep a record of the letter or ask what they suggest? I would have your son go and ask a lawyer in his state for advice...tough situation to have to trust her. If he does see her, I would never leave them alone so nothing can be misunderstood. Good luck!