Need everyones input........help if you can!

[Stepmom0418]

Some of you may remember our situation from previous post.


We have come to a situation where we are going back to court for contempts the end of April. She has denied visitation, withheld info about school and medical issues. (These are very specific in the order) Last year about this time she was found guilty of several counts of contempt but only for visitation issues and transportations issues, not for joint legal custody issues.


Now fast forward to this past week. Got an email from teacher on 3/20 saying SS was not in school all week the prior week. Replyed to email and asked if BM called saying why he was out all week. Teacher wrote back and said BM called and said SS had been in hospital all week.

DH called the hospital the following day and was told that SS was admitted on 15th and went home on the afternoon of the 17th. The hospital said they could not release the information as to why he was in the hospital but gave him the Dr's phone number.

DH called the Dr office and of course Dr was busy and was supposed to call him back. Dr never called back and the next thing we know BM is calling.

By this time DH is mad as He**!! He did not answer the call and she left a message saying she would call back. The next time she called Dh was not home but I answered the phone. She said she wanted to know if we could pick SS up early friday. i told her we prob could and her and i set a time of 5. She then proceded to tell me that SS had been in the hospital for a few days and that her mom called DH and left him a message. Well I KNEW that was a lie b/c the phone numnber she has is MY cell phone and I am the one who always had the phone and furthermore I am the one who checks the voicemail. Sooo.....I told her that we didnt know that SS was in the hospital and IF we would have known DH would have been there with SS! Then she said, "Well my mom was supposed to call and tell you." I told her I didnt know or understand why she didnt call when she was taking him to the hospital.

She went on to say that she took SS to the Dr office on 3/13 and that they said he had the flu. Then she took him to the ER on 3/15 and he didnt get out till 3/17. I let her talk and then told her that Dh would be home at 6 and it would be best if she would just call and talk to him about it all.

Dh waited by the phone till 7:30 and then had things to do. She called and left a message after he wasnt near the phone.

She calls the next day saying SS wanted to spend more time with DH and wanted us to pick him up early. Agreed again 5pm on Friday. Two hours later she calls and says SS doesnt want to come and wants us to "trade weekends" so he can go to a BD party. In the backgound DH could hear gma saying, "I dont know why you dont just tell him the truth instead of lieing to him!" DH told her no that he has traded in the past and that he never gets his time back when he trades.

Then it sounded if the phone went dead or she hung up. Next thing he knew gma was on the phone trying to convince DH that he should trade. BM was in the background telling SS to get on the phone and tell your dad you dont want to come this weekend. SS refused to get on the phone. (SS is 9)

We did get him at 5 after he had another Dr appt and the doc said he has the "Norweigian Flu" (SP) He has had this sickness on and off for the last 3 years. He just starts throwing up and having pain in his stomach. We took him to ER in March of last year and ER said he needs to see specialist. Dh set up the appt during his summer vist and she denied the visit. She also never took SS to the appt. She also has complained that he throws up alot at her house so its not just here. Medical neglect?? What do you think??

Ok now for our questions:

1) Does the Dr have the right to call BM? If the Dr does not have have the right what do you suggest?

We still dont know why he was in the hospital. The Dr and the hospital have a copy of Co and we sent letters a year ago to get medical info and we got the records but now they are acting like DH doesnt have the right to the info.

2)Any other suggestions in regards to this situation??

We are open minded and would like all opinions please help us figure out what to do.

[MixedBag]

1) Does the Dr have the right to call BM? If the Dr does not have have the right what do you suggest?

After all you wrote, not sure I understand this question because you said "BM" and not DAD.  

My first gut question is "How far away are you from Son?"  Doesn't seem like that far because you were supposed to have him for a weekend.

If at first you don't succeed in getting answers on the phone, you need to march to the place (hospital AND doctor) and get your answers.
Take another copy of the order in hand.  Hospitals are a big place, so in one sense I can see why you didn't get answers quickly and stuff, but doctor's offices are not.

Medical neglect -- I've only read/seen one family manage to change custody over medical neglect and that was here on these boards.  Maybe that dad will chime in since he does still come and read.  However, from what I remember, his son was much worse off -- had a permanent condition -- than dad's son here.

2)Any other suggestions in regards to this situation??

Be aggressive about parenting time issues.  Focus on the child's right to spend time with both his mom and his dad.

Why are you "We have come to a situation where we are going back to court for contempts the end of April."?

If she denied time, then file.

Then add the medical and educational stuff/subjects later.

[Stepmom0418]

Thanks for your input.


Just to clarify a little. I asked the question.... Does the Dr have the right to call BM? If the Dr does not have have the right what do you suggest?

The reason I asked that question is that it seems to us that when the Dr got the message to call DH he called BM and told her that DH called and was asking questions. Then and only then BM called DH and told him of SS being in the hospital. (It was 4 days after he was released that she decided to call) This Hospital and med clinic already have DH's CO and have sent DH copies of records before and now suddenly DH is getting a run around.


I agree that DH needs to march right in there and get the records. He just wanted to hear some other opinions before he went further, and what better time to do get opinions than on a weekend when the clinic is closed. Also the hospital in question is in a very small town and is a very small hospital as well as the clinic so in my opinion there is not a reason that either place cant comply in a timly manner.


There are 18 counts of contempt that are going to be heard April 27th. They are filed and she should have been served on her already. A few are to do with joint legal custody and the majority is for denial of visitation.

Thanks again!

[wysiwyg]

As far as records, you might check with HIPAA laws, that is how they deny us that info, and we have 2 court orders that say we can have it.  They will give us very basic info but nothing else.

[Stepmom0418]

The first time DH tried to get medical records they tried that HIPAA crap on him too.

He then sent a letter that we got from this site and included his attorneys name and address so then they complied.

HIPAA does not say that a parent can not get info. It is my understanding that as long as there is not a court order stating the parent can not get the info that they are supposed to release it.

Thanks for the input!

[wysiwyg]

Thats interesting, we even had a signed form from BM that the mediator ordered her to sign and give to each medical provider, and even with that the hospitals got their attorney's involved who then stated that HIPAA over rode everythinhg and - get this, BM even had BF name on the HIPAA form as to receive information and all we wanted to know is if the child had insurance and could not get an answer!  

[Stepmom0418]

Try to look in the article archive here on Sparc. I know that there is info there that says the opposite of what Drs and ect are telling your SO. I will try and post a link to it later but right now I dont have time to look it up and get it posted.

[Stepmom0418]

Heres the link to FAQ

http://www.deltabravo.net/faq/cust_ans12.php


From the above page it also gives you a link to the letter that you can send to the Medical office. Dont know if it will help or not but I thought I would post the link for you to check out.

[MixedBag]

O.K., about the doctor calling mom...

You probably can't stop it...

He was probably just calling to confirm with BM what the latest and greatest was.

I'd be all over him about releasing and telling Dad what's going on.

I read your thread below -- and it's FERPA that says unless there's a court order to the contrary.

Some of dad's rights are gonna be found in the state's codes.  Like in my state, it says that each parent has the right to private conversations with the teachers.  So -- when the teacher TOLD my EX stuff, that stepped over the line.  It also says that I have to be notified within a reasonable time about medical stuff (I am paraphrasing, O.K.), but the word reasonable is used.  SO....yep, what's reasonable?

And I see you filed already and a HEARING is scheduled for April....that's different.  Good luck and go get her!

[Stepmom0418]

Here is my state code: DH's CO is in Iowa


IA Code 598.41 Custody of children. 1. e. Unless otherwise ordered by the court in the custody decree, both parents shall have legal access to information concerning the child, including but not limited to medical, educational and law enforcement records.

But in Dh's CO it is very specific. It reads as follows:

c: Notice of Medical/Health Problems: By telephone (or by written correspondence only if the other parent cannot be reached by telephone), each parent shall promptly inform the other parent of any illness of the minor child that requires medical attention. Elective surgery for the minor child shall be performed only after consultation between parents. Emergency sergery necessary to preserve life or to prevent further serious injury or condition may be performed without consultation between parties: however if time allows both parents shall consult or at least be informed of the minor childs condition as soon as possiable.

It also gives additional information under joint legal custody and is VERY specific.

Is 5 days prompt??
BM notified Dh AFTER SS was out of the hospital. He was admitted on Wednesday and Dh found out from Teacher the following Monday.