undergarments

[Bradley]

I recently decided with my wife that my daughter needs to start wearing an undershirts with white shirts or a sports bra.
My x-wife sent me two paragraphs telling me it was not my place to make these types of decisions about my daughter and it was not my wifes job becasue she is not her mother.
She is going to try to take us back to court over decisions made with my daughter such as extra curricular activites not being paid for or enrolled in unless her personal permission is asked.  In addition to hair cuts, nail clippings, dentist appointments etc...
What do you think the judge will say... she is crazy I hope.

[Ref]

About the undergarments, that would be rediculous and a waste of the court's time.

About decision making, she may have something. If your parenting agreement says that she has joint decision making, she could have a case for the extracurriular and doctor's are concerned.

The haircuts and nail clippings is also a bunch of crap.

From now on, I would send her a letter prior to signing the daughter up for activities and prior to Dr appointments saying when and where they are and what the dr appointment would be for and if she has any "questions or concerns" to respond in writing within 7 days.

As far as court goes, if you have joint decision making, you may get a slap on the wrist for the dr and extracurricular and she may get one for the other crap she is bringing up.

For now, don't sweat it. Wait until you really get papers before you worry about anything. She may be blowing smoke.

Ref

[4honor]

You are perfectly capable of seeing that she needs some foundational garments and purchasing them for her. If BM didn't get it done already, do it. This is a non-issue to the courts because you are both parents and the court will look to see if you are acting in the child's best interests. Getting DD what she needs is acting in her best interest. IF BM brings it up she will get laughed out of court -- don't sweat that one.

As for the extra curricular activities, agree on one or two a year with BM and so long as the remaining activities do not infringe on the other parent's time, anything above the agreed one or two is at the sole cost and discretion of the one signing her up. If BM won't agree to any, then DD will be seeing her as unreasonable.

Medical appointments for something that is ongoing -- a treatment other than for an accute condition is something that needs alot of discussion. But for an acute condition, you likely have a defense -- why withhold treatment to argue with your ex?  For example, DD cuts her leg on BM's time. BM cleans and bandages it, but DD gets the bandage wet and now the cut is getting infected. You take DD to the doctor for some antibiotics.  NO real need to call BM, until after the fact. You could just be an alarmist until the Dr. says it is really infected. YOu call right after the appointment so you both can be on the same page with the 7-10 day treatment.  But if DD needs medication for an ongoing/chronic condition (i.e., ADHD, diabetes, cancer, clinical depression), you are going to get  your hiney handed to you if you have joint decision making in your custody/parenting plan order and fail to talk it through with the other parent. Either parent, for emergencies, you each have the authority to do what is necessary on your time unless the court orders specifically preclude it (OK, I hope I got all that right, cause I am regurgitating information I have heard from Socrateaser over the years).

In our case, BM had SS being treated all the time on ONGOING matters and would never even discuss what treatments and doctors he had. he was treated with medication for ADHD - a condition he was later found NOT to have - and was in surgery with no notice for repair of a strabismus condition (crossed eyes), and finally she had him treated with vision therapy (not covered by insurance except as a referral after srgery --- which she let expire by 3 years prior to getting SS what he needed.

I know that ex's are ex's for a reason. Some never let go of the drama. However, your child will benefit from YOUR communication with the ex, so try to do at least that when there is time, and immedicately after on the other matters. What's a phone call for?