Not really sure where to start. I need help

[Good]

I am going to try to condense this as much as I can for the initial post, but I am in a bad situation, and am looking for some guidance.

I worked with a girl for over a year at a retail store. We became friens, and she was always a really cool girl. About 6 months after she quit, she called me, as she would sometimes do. We talked for a while and she informed me that she had broken up with her boyfriend the previous month, so I asked her out, as friends. From that day we ended up spending over 2 months together. I had just quit my job to focus on school, so it was almost like a vacation for me. We went to Disneyland, and all around it was a fun time. We never argued about anything, and we were able to talk all the time. We were falling in love.

She turned 21 years old about 3 or 4 weeks into the relationship, and we had always been careful, but we slipped up one time. She missed a period. I was present when she took the pregnancy test which came back positive. It was really scary for both of us, but it was exciting. I getting ready mentally to be a father. She told me that there was a slim possibility that it was her ex-boyfriends because about a month and a half prior to our slip up, possibly longer, they had a condom break during sex. She said that it was most likely not his because during that time she was less than a month off of birth control, and she had already taken another test that came back negative. She was preparing me mentally just in case, and I don't fault her in that.

We went on fine for over 3 weeks after that. We discussed everything about the baby. What the living situation might be, how we felt about each other, and how we were going to tell our families. I am 23 by the way and I live at home with my father, younger sister, and older brother. She lives in a basement style room at a friends house, and has not worked in over 7 months.

One day she flipped. The stress became too much for her to handle, and she told me over the phone that she needed space. I was taken back by that, but I agreed that whatever she needed to feel right I would do for her. She called 2 days later and said she was breaking up with me and when I questioned why she would do that she said "it doesn't matter anyways we only went out for 2 months, you don't have to deal with any of this." I made my intentions know immediately that I would like to be as involved as possible in the birth and life of our child, and that I would always be there for her because I understood she was going through some tough times.

It has been over a month now, and I have only seen her in person one time. I have questioned her several times about who the father is, and she assures me that it is mine. It isn't even close to far enough along to be the ex-boyfriends. She was relieved because she had characterized her ex as someont that treated her poorly, had hit her in the past, had broken up with her and gotten back together 3 or 4 times within a year, and had a past history of drug use and alcohol abuse. Our communication has slowly gotten better, and I have been pressing a little harder to talk to her in person so we can sort things out dealing with the child, and our families. She has sounded like she is getting back to normal, so I wasn't too worried.

Yesterday I was driving to a friends house, and I drove past her in a truck with her ex-boyfriend, and she laughed and covered her face when I drove by. Then they drove by me, and her ex looked over and smiled. She has no cell phone, so I tried calling one of her friends that lives with her, and got no response. I sent a text message to the friend, saying I saw her with her ex, and I really think someone should tell me what is going on. I had my friend reading over my texts so they would not sound mean or aggressive. She sent a text back saying that I am not her boyfriend so why does it matter to me. I sent one back saying that I have been told numerous times that I am the father, and that baby means everything to me, and I feel like she should be honest with me and let me know what is going on. She sends one back, and I find out a few texts later that it was from the girl that is pregnant with our baby, it says
"u being the father has nothing 2 do with her personal life. She should not have 2 tell you anything. You aren't going to be with her, so why are you doing this"

I am at a loss right now. I told her via text that I would like her to call me when she is ready because this is something we have to deal with. I don't know now if she is pregnant, if the baby is mine if she is pregnant, what her intentions are for our child, and she won't talk to me. I have made it clear that this baby means a lot to me, and she as the mother does also. She has never once given me any indication that she wants me around at all, and I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry for the long text I just want to get as many of the details out there as possible. The way she is acting I am scared for the baby. This guy, and her old friends are in and around drugs all the time, they smoke, drink, go to bars, and I found out through a friend that works with him that he brags about a time they got in a fight and he punched her in the face and kicked her out of his truck.

If anyone can give me any advice as to where I should go next. Lawyer or otherwise. I thank any of you for your advice, and I appologize again for the long letter here. Thank you.

[reagantrooper]

Dont think you can do much untill the baby is born. Then you need to establish paternity, get a Parenting time agreement or order and get a CS agreement agreement or order.

In the mean time try to let her be, you dont want / need to give her any ammo whatsoever to acuse you of DV, Stalking ETC ETC ETC. Once those alegations are made, true or not you will have a VERY deep hole to dig yourself out of. I would suggest you stay the hell away from her, dont call, text or contact her in anyway. Wait untill the Baby is born then move forward.

Try to focus on your relationship with your Child provided you are the Father. If it turns out your not the Father forget about her and drive on!

Just incase you are the Father you need to start documenting everything now!

Good luck!!!

[Good]

What does DV mean?

I have been documenting eveything, and I appologized profusely on the phone with her over the text messaging incident. I told her I was just really confused and I acted poorly. When we ended the conversation I told her that I really care for the child, and I would like to be updated on its situation if she could bring herself to do it. I told her that I did not want her to feel stressed out and if she could not talk to me then it is what it is. She knows my feelings, and she knows that I want to be able to see the child if it is mine. I left the ball completely in her court, and I will stay away.

I am saddened that it has to be like this. It is a complex situation, but it doesn't have to be as difficult as they are making it.

[ocean]

DV=Domestic Violence...

I would stay away from the texts for a while. Maybe one certified letter stating that the facts (that you were told this baby was yours and that you would like to be involved in any dr appt's and the birth). Give you contact numbers and then wait until child is born. Get the info to get the paternity established so you are ready when you find out about the birth. Your local court can help you with this if you can not afford a lawyer. Most lawyers will give you a free consultation..maybe you can go talk to one to see where you stand in your state laws....Good luck!

[msme]

I would also try to get a mutual friend who you can trust to just keep you posted. Otherwise, if you do not know when the baby is born, she could put it up for adoption & you wouldn't even be notified, if she told the hospital that she didn't know who the father was.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[MYSONSDAD]

First of all, I personally think, she is yanking your chain. She sounds like someone who is very insecure and needs alot of attention.

About a month ago, there was a story of a child who had been given up for adoption. The natural father fought for custody and lost. Reason being, he did not register in his State as being the father within the 30 days following the birth. Every State has a registry, but it is not publicly known.

Here are a few I found:

Unwed Fathers Fight for Babies Placed for Adoption by Mothers ...
Jeremiah Clayton Jones, who failed to file with a state registry for unwed fathers, is appealing the termination of his parental rights. ...

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/19/national/1 ... 90&partner=rssuserland&emc=rss
Equal rights for unwed fathers - The Boston Globe
But Jones did not know that in order to exercise his parental rights, he had to register with the state registry for unmarried fathers. ...

http://www.boston.com/news/globe/editorial_o ... qual_rights_for_unwed_fathers/
Unwed Fathers Fight for Babies Placed for Adoption by Mothers ...
Instead, he lost his parental rights because of his failure to file with a state registry for unwed fathers - something he learned of only after it was too ...

http://www.netboulevards.com/node/964?PHPSES ... 41487d61db279b2f850eea781a9bdf
Florida: Unwed fathers challenge state's adoption-registry law ...
Florida: Unwed fathers challenge state's adoption-registry law - The American Policy Roundtable.

http://www.aproundtable.org/news.cfm?news_ID=1160&issuecode=marriage
Unwed fathers - Preventing your infant child from being adopted ...
UNWED FATHERS:. from Erik L. Smith ... If your state lacks a putative father registry, the state may still have paternity acknowledgment and registration ...

http://adoption.about.com/cs/adoptionrights/a/unwedfath_2.htm
Unwed fathers - Preventing your infant child from being adopted ...
UNWED FATHERS:. from Erik L. Smith ... Thus, register with your state.s Putative father registry and consult an adoption attorney about establishing your ...

http://adoption.about.com/cs/adoptionrights/a/unwedfath_3.htm
Unwed Fathers: Preventing Your Infant Child from Being Adopted ...
An unwed father has no absolute right to veto an adoption, but must take action ... If your state lacks a putative father registry, the state may still have ...

http://library.adoption.com/birthfathers/unw ... ur-consent/article/6361/1.html
Unwed-Fathers-fight-like-devils-in-place-of-Babies-Placed-for-Ado
his parental rights because as regards his failure to file regardless of a state registry for unwed fathers - something he pansophic of only after it ...

http://www.dmanc.com/Unwed-Fathers-Fight-for ... option-by-Mothers-1362076.html
Heretical Ideas » MAKING POSSIBLE DADS REGISTER WITH THE STATE?
MAKING POSSIBLE DADS REGISTER WITH THE STATE? by Tom Traina ... In most states, the unwed father has to file with the registry either within a certain ...

http://hereticalideas.com/index.php?p=3564
UNWED FATHERS: Preventing your infant child from being adopted ...
The unwed father need not be present in a particular state to register, although obtaining and returning the forms in person is faster. Registry forms may ...

http://www.eriksmith.org/legal/Unwed-Fathers.asp
Check your state statues and educate yourself. If she is pregnant, I would contact an attorney so you know what steps you need to take and in what order. Protect yourself and the child. The first consultation is usually free.

And I agree with the poster who said to document everything now.

Concern of drug and alcohol abuse is something the courts will look at. check the public records at your courthouse to see if anything comes up on her. They usually have a free access computer. You can not print out the information, but yu can write it down.