SonLess In Seattle

[gjk522]

Here's the situation.  A year ago, my ex and her husband relocated to Colorado with my two sons 12, 15.  Husband originates from Colorado. I fought the relocation which went to trial.  Basically came down to a custody battle.  I didn't prevail.  Washington law gives a presumption of rights to move.  Economics reasons and career were her premise.  In reality, the principle motive was control.
Because of my prior involvement with my boys, I was granted liberal visitation: 8 weeks summer, most/shared school breaks and three-day weekends (when no break occurs during that month).  Travel expenses are split in half.
I'm missing them terribly despite the move. Current terms are not enough for me.  I saw only "two' of their football games.  They were here, I never missed a practice.
I'm contemplating a move to CO...but at what risk is the question.  The trial totally wiped out available assets sans my retirement.
Ex is extraordinarily obstinate, self-centered, and will fight over the least trivial details.
If I move to Colorado, will I have to negotiate another Parenting Plan, Child Support, and grief all over again?  This took a year to figure out for the relocation with attorneys.
Does anyone out there have advice?

[Jade]

>Here's the situation.  A year ago, my ex and her husband
>relocated to Colorado with my two sons 12, 15.  Husband
>originates from Colorado. I fought the relocation which went
>to trial.  Basically came down to a custody battle.  I didn't
>prevail.  Washington law gives a presumption of rights to
>move.  Economics reasons and career were her premise.  In
>reality, the principle motive was control.
>Because of my prior involvement with my boys, I was granted
>liberal visitation: 8 weeks summer, most/shared school breaks
>and three-day weekends (when no break occurs during that
>month).  Travel expenses are split in half.
>I'm missing them terribly despite the move. Current terms are
>not enough for me.  I saw only "two' of their football games.
>They were here, I never missed a practice.
>I'm contemplating a move to CO...but at what risk is the
>question.  The trial totally wiped out available assets sans
>my retirement.
>Ex is extraordinarily obstinate, self-centered, and will fight
>over the least trivial details.
>If I move to Colorado, will I have to negotiate another
>Parenting Plan, Child Support, and grief all over again?  This
>took a year to figure out for the relocation with attorneys.
>Does anyone out there have advice?

My suggestion is to move.  You will probably have to negotiate another parenting plan.  I would get one that says she can't move again.  I don't know if travel costs were considered when calculating child support (IMO, the parent who moves away is the one who should pay all of the costs of visitation), if they were, you may end up paying more.  But I think that you would go by the Colorado guidelines (an attorney could tell you for sure).  Good luck.

[FatherTime]

you said:  I'm missing them terribly despite the move. Current terms are not enough for me. I saw only "two' of their football games. They were here, I never missed a practice.


It sounds to me like you are making a move, you just don't realize it yet.

Look into Colorado parenting laws. Maybe it is an equal parenting time state and you will get more time than you did in the femily law state that we call Washington.

[gjk522]

Thank you for your response.  I know it's hard to imagine the person I'm dealing with.  She self-admittedly "doesn't care" I'm the kids father.  For herself, something less than near total control is deemed a failure.   Fairness has been constantly dismissed or distorted.  She insists on communications only by email. There WILL be a legal battle about visitation, support, medical decisions, education, whatever.

Is there a possibility that given the disparity in ability to afford representation (she has dual income), and our case history of legal conflict (and cost).  That a Colorado judge could rule a judgement that is near equivalent to our current WA Parenting Plan (just over a year old)?  Or force mediation?  My attorney fees from the relocation battle were nearly triple figures.  Hers were over.  With my past attorney fees, combined with moving expenses and salary yet to be determined, I'm very concerned over the notion of waging another legal battle.  

You would think that with all the legal fees that were spent, she would have sense to come to the table.  I can assure you, that pschologically, that places herself on an equal footing with me.  She can't accept that.

[gjk522]

Thank you.  You're right.  You might say that this forum is part of my research (and support) in that direction, and toward that end.   I will need some time to prepare, and do some homework.  I'm thinking move iprobably in August 2007.
I've been looking at Colorado Family Law Statutes.  I don't believe that CO is an "equal parenting time" state, but they do seem more progressive toward the acceptance that a father's time is critical to the well-being of the child.  WA is conservative in that respect (favor the mother).  I wonder if there's an irony to the fact that our governer and both our senetors are women...hmm!

[Jade]

>Thank you for your response.  I know it's hard to imagine the
>person I'm dealing with.  She self-admittedly "doesn't care"
>I'm the kids father.  For herself, something less than near
>total control is deemed a failure.   Fairness has been
>constantly dismissed or distorted.  She insists on
>communications only by email. There WILL be a legal battle
>about visitation, support, medical decisions, education,
>whatever.
>
>Is there a possibility that given the disparity in ability to
>afford representation (she has dual income), and our case
>history of legal conflict (and cost).  That a Colorado judge
>could rule a judgement that is near equivalent to our current
>WA Parenting Plan (just over a year old)?  Or force mediation?
> My attorney fees from the relocation battle were nearly
>triple figures.  Hers were over.  With my past attorney fees,
>combined with moving expenses and salary yet to be determined,
>I'm very concerned over the notion of waging another legal
>battle.  
>
>You would think that with all the legal fees that were spent,
>she would have sense to come to the table.  I can assure you,
>that pschologically, that places herself on an equal footing
>with me.  She can't accept that.
>
>

They aren't going to consider her dh's income.  

I think, and I am not a lawyer, that they probably wouldn't stick with the parenting plan that you have now as it was based on you living further away than you will when you move.  The least you would get is EOW and once during the week.  Which is more often than what you are getting now.  

[williaer]

Are you planning to tell BM, or just surprise her??

[gjk522]

She gave me 60 days notice of her intent to relocate to CO (the minimum by law).  I haven't thought this through completely, but I would think that legally, I'd want to give myself the most time to prepare, and her the least.  I'm anticipating an adversarial relationship coming into this, so that would have to override my nice-guy approach.  If I knew things could be reasonable, and I would be granted a fair deal from her, I would want to tell her early on, so we would have time to negotiate a settlement.

I don't mean to sound one-track minded, but her motivation stems from maximizing control, minimizing my access to my boys, and maximizing discomfort/difficulty for me. This is well-established behaviour over many years. Her posture would involve compelling me into needing legal representation by creating conflict over every last detail.  She knows my financial situation through the recent trial disclosures.  Her self-interest will be best served to fight me under these circumstances.  Even if I had money to burn, she'd fight me anyways.  I know that sounds rediculous, but as many of us know, control for some (no matter how small the victory may be) overrides fiscal sensibility.  She spent over 100K on the relocation trial, for example.
My only recourse (I believe) is to become my own attorney, and work pro se, or find a really sympathetic family law attorney.

[Dez]

"My only recourse (I believe) is to become my own attorney, and work pro se, or find a really sympathetic family law attorney."

If you find a sympathetic family lawyer, let me know! My son was moved from WA to VA 2-1/2 years ago. Your story is all too familiar.

Good luck.