Abuse of my fiance's children...we don't know what to do.

[EnigmasMatrix]

My apologies for the length of this post.

My fiance, Ron and I live in Iowa.  Ron's ex, the children who are CM and BM 13 and 12 respectively, live in Missouri with their mother and step father.

I am writing this to seek any kind of help for Ron's daughter.  Ron can't post anything because the court gag ordered him that he can't discuss this case with anyone, but I am not under this gag order.

Since 2001 there has been a serious history of abuse and neglect in Ron's ex's home.  We have all of this documentation and some we don't have is what DSS lost.

I will start with what just happened recently that I was witness to in Ron's ex's home and then will list the founded issues since 2001.

On Feb 18/07 I got a call from Ron's daughter.  Ron was at work.  She told me of more abuse in her mom's home.  Her mom was convicted of animal abuse in Dec. 06, the animals were removed.  Starvation of dogs.

That her mom got community service as one of the punishments and her mom was taking Ron's son with her to this job and making him sleep in the car for hours in the cold.  The woman at the place was getting mad at Ron's ex for this.

Ron's ex's husband screaming at Ron's daughter when he is mad at his wife, calling the child stupid and retarded, intimidating her.

Ron's daughter told me she was going to run away and come to our home in Iowa.  She said she was sick of the abuse.  Her brother is starting to physically abuse her by hitting her in the face and about her body.  Her mom does nothing to stop him.  

I tried to convincer her to not run.  She said she didn't care what happened to her because anything was better than being in that home.

Her mom, brother and her mom's husband came home.  They assumed she was talking to her father and began screaming at her, cursing at her and telling her to get off the phone or they would punish her because she was talking to her dad and would cut off her cell service.  

Ron's son came back to her room and threatened to slap her in the face!  I heard all of this.  It went on from about 5pm until 12:30am.

Ron's daughter to protect herself, got under her bed and was crying hysterically begging me to come and get her.  She kept asking me why DSS won't help her, why they won't listen, why they leave her in this.  I don't know why, I told her.  I started to cry too because I was scared for her.  I never want to hear anything like this again and I can't even sleep because I keep hearing her pleading and crying.

At 12:30am they took her phone charger away.  We waited up all night in hopes she would call back, we tried to call police.  Police told us everyone was out on patrol, leave a message and someone would call back.  We left 5 messages that day alone and no one ever contacted us.

I sent an e mail to: Julia Adami..head of the DSS office, DSS constituent services..Ellie Little, DSS head attorney..Harry Williams, Rainbow House worker who knows Ron's daughter previously..Ashley Turner and the MO ombudsman for children...Steve Morrow.  I told them the whole situation.

The next day, Pres. day, no DSS offices are open.  NO school.

At 10am, his daughter called us, exhausted and depressed ( her words ).
She begged us to call someone to help her.  Ron called the hotline.  The worker was rude and nasty.  Said she was coding it a referral and not a hotline, which means no worker even had to check on Ron's daughter.

Ron's daughter called the hotline herself.  While on the phone, her mom cut off her cell phone service, the call was cut off.  That did not seem to concern DSS either.

Tuesday there was no school.  Still no word from police.  Ron called them again and left another message.  A cop lives two blocks from Ron's ex even!  

Wednesday- Ron's daughter was not in school.  Ron calls DSS very upset at them.  Worker, Michelle Curry tells Ron she went to the home that morning, Ron's daughter told her everything that happened and about the threats of physical harm...HOWEVER>>>>

The worker was chalking it up to an overly emotional 13 year old child, who was blowing things out of proportion and over exaggerating the situation and attention seeking to get her way because she was just mad she couldn't live with her dad.  She put in her report that there was no abuse in the home!

Ron's daughter continues to e mail us with threats of running away from home.  I have talked to her several times since then and she is so sad sounding and says she is very depressed.

ISSUES OF PAST ABUSE: FOUNDED by DSS.

Sexual abuse, educational neglect, neglect, unsafe / unsanitary living conditions, verbal abuse, emotional abuse and lastly sexual maltreatment.

SEXUAL ABUSE:
Perp was son of head of DSS office in Moberly, MO.  He has past history of this on other children and still walks the streets a free man. Ron's ex continued to subject the children to this man.

SEXUAL MALTREATMENT:
The perp of this was Ron's ex's husband.  Founded in July 05.  He forced and tricked the children into viewing nude photos he and his wife took of one another on a camera cell phone.  Got Ron's son in a head lock, pried his eyes open to make him look.

2004 ISSUES:
The home conditions reuslted in removal of the children for 3 days and were put with his ex's parents.  No notice to Ron.

The other issues I listed, resulted in petition from the juvenile office to the court for removal of the children from her, but she fled the county and Randolph County lost jurisdiction.

Ron's son has since being put back into his mother's home by DSS:
Been arrested, has tried suicide ( while in foster care inside the detention facility ), physically abuses his sister, steals from church, his school teacher, throws fits, hits people and other students, stole money from Ron's mom 162.00 and 157.00 from his mom's mother.

We have a total of over 3,000 pages of abuse and neglect reports on Ron's ex wife. Just from 2003 to present.  This does not include 01 to 03.  And the 5 reports DSS mysteriously LOST.

There is ONE report on ME.  Where is ex tried to say I physically abused Brandon but it became unfounded when I offered to take a lie detector test and pay for it myself.  They found out later that Ron's ex's husband was the real abuser but they did NOTHING to him or to her for making a false report.

Social worker, Christine Steele has attempted many times to have Ron arrested for made up lies.  LITERALLY made up lies.  

1. She said that Ron pled guilty to kidnapping in 2003 when no such charge even exists.  She put this in writing to the judge even and the ombudsman was angry because he warned DSS to get this rumor STOPPED.

2.  She said our phone was disconnected, which would have violated the custody order when it was not disconnected and we proved it in a grievance meeting which she never showed up to.  Copy of my phone bill.

3.  She went to a prosecutor and said that Ron hindered the supervised exchange of the children with DSS, when there was NONE.  We had to go to their own head atty to get that set straight.  There was even a warrant issued on Ron for this.  Which then got dropped.

Every time Ron tries to see his kids, this is what he gets.  Thrown in jail only to go months without seeing his kids due to the court saying he can't until it is resolved.  Then they find out the truth and drop the charges but do nothing to his ex.  Police won't enforce the custody order.

Ron has lost custody to his ex and she now has sole legal and he joint physical custody.  Still she is not abiding by this order and police ignore it.

We have fought this for so long that financially we are depleted.  It's cost us numerous homes, cars, etc...we have nothing left to fight.

We do not understand why DSS protects her so much.  There has to be a reason.  It is a small area she is in and everyone is related to one another in some way.  I think this may be part of the reason.

I just don't know what to do.  This little girl is ready to run away and if she does, I fear what will happen to her.  I wonder every day I don't hear from her if she is ok.  She is giving up hope on herself.  

If anyone has any suggestions because the court wont' listen and put them back in this ignoring the abuse, DSS dont' care...no one is helping her.

Please, let me know.  I am giving my e mail address, and my phone number as well.

[email protected]  e mail.
Phone: 319-439-5393

Thank you for listening.
Sincerely, Jennifer Polton.

[mistoffolees]

You're not going to want to hear this, but you need a GOOD attorney. Find one who will work pro bono or allow you to pay over time. Take a second job, borrow money, beg, whatever. You're not going to get this straightened out by yourselves.

Oh, and be very careful about posting this. If your fiancee is under a gag order, you may be getting him in trouble by posting - particularly at this level of detail. Where did you get all this information? Obviously from him. Since you're not married, a court might well determine that he has violated the gag order. (I'm dealing with it on the other side - my stbx has a gag order, but her mother is running around telling stories all over the place that are clearly based on my stbx's lies).

Don't delay. Find an attorney who will work with you to straighten this out. I can't offer legal advice, but my gut says that you should be looking at a 'shock and awe' plan right now. Hit everyone from every side, filing lawsuits against dss, etc., all at once in order to get it resolved. If you try to do it piecemeal, you'll find that every time you clear one hurdle, another one appears in its place-particularly since the first year will be spent in the low levels of the bureaucracy. If you hit them like a ton of bricks, you'll probably get their attention.  Although shock and awe will cost more up front, the total cost is likely to be much, much less.

Also, a part of the solution will undoubtedly involve a custody evaluation. Not cheap, but it's probably your best way for everything to come to light at the same time and clear your fiancee's name.

Finally, consider bringing in some heavy hitters. Do either of you know (or have co-workers who know) legislators, news reporters, etc? Again, your lawyer is the one to guide you, not me, but it seems that focusing some light on this case might help to clear it up quickly.

[EnigmasMatrix]

Thanks for the suggestions...I'll try them.  On the gag order, I'm not sure about that either, but they had me involved in everything, all the team meetings etc..that's how I have all of the information that I have.

Tried the news stations etc..they won't help, said that they view it as custody issue and some said that it's too hard to get juvenile records..even though we had them all, some said that they are afraid of a lawsuit by DSS.  Some said they are too far away to deal with it.

I'm still seeking an attorney.  I've called, e mailed, faxed hundreds of them in MO and in Iowa.  They tell me that this is criminal negligence but have quoted us up to 30,000.00 because of who all has been involved in this..DSS...and how they were involved.  

Ron is looking at taking a second job, plus he is going to school too.  We are really trying hard to help the kids...honestly...we really are.  I can't work, I am physically disabled so I can't do much to offer him any assistance monetarily...it makes me feel rotten.  I try to do what I can though.  

Thanks again for the support, it is greatly appreciated.  Hope everyone has a great day.

Hugs, Jen.

[HelpingHands]

What happens if the child does run away to a 'safe home'? (firestation, police, etc)

Can she record some of the abuse on her cell and take it to her teachers or send via email, text msg to you??

SOMEBODY has got to step in and help this child if she is begging for help like she is.

Another thought- can you record the conversations you have with her and take it to an attorney or DSS in YOUR area?

[wendl]

I know how you feel, my Husband cannot post or discuss his case either and I am married to him and they drug me into crap too. Isn't it fun NOT.

Anyways,

If things like this start to happen again, tell her to call 911 right away,  If she can get out of the house and go over to a friends to call that might help too as that other parent will see any marks if any and will be able to comfort her while she waits for the police.

School counselors are a good resource as well for her, also is they suspect any abuse, my law they must report it to the authorities.

Get yourself a good attorney, interview them before you hire then and don't hire the limit yourself to the 1st one you talk to.

Good luck, I know how hard this can be.  But the good thing is this child has somoen (you) that she feel comfortable talking to and the probably means so much to her

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[mistoffolees]

Be careful about recording conversations with minors. In my state, it's a serious issue. Not only is it inadmissible, but you can get in trouble for doing it.