Looking for help on my situation.

[terencevkelly]

Okay I am new to the site so please forgive me if I am not posting correctly. I have questions and I need to know where to go for answers and help. Okay, my son is nine years old. His mother and I have joint custody with her being the custodial parent. Well the situation is this. I moved to Fort Worth about five years ago. My son is in Tyler. Now, I have consistently paid my child support, which I filed on myself, from the time he was about two years old. But my son does not live with his mother. He lives with his grandmother. This was supposed to be a temporary arrangement in order for him to attend a school in the district in which her mother lives while she tried to get her financial situation under control. Well needless to say she has moved into a house in the district, one block down the street from her mother and she still has not allowed him to come and live with her. Okay, that may not seem major except for the fact that she still gets the child support payments and is not supporting him. But okay I have dealt with that part. The major problem is that her mother suffers from cancer and it's effects. So she is too tired and weak to either watch him or discipline him because of her failing health. In such, the grandmother has asked me to come and take him to live with me, as well as he has constantly voiced the need to move in with me because he does not feel like he has the attention or support he needs in the situation. His grades are not what they have been this year and in fact have been on a decline since last year and he has been to see a behavioral counselor because of his acting out. Now every time I ask him why he acts out, he tells me that his mother keeps saying that if he keeps being bad that she is going to send him to stay with me. So this is his attempt to move. It is making me nervous because he is getting to the age where he is getting too hard for her sick mother to control. He is also talking a lot about trying to just get away from his mother. I am not sure what the problem is but something makes him not want to stay with her but there is a problem. What can I do to try to get custody or at least make her take him from her sick mother. I geniunely fear for his safety because his grandmother sleeps most of the day or just lays on the couch and he has no supervision. What can I do?

[Sunshine1]

First, offer to take him.

Second, keep paying child support to the mother.

Third,get a lawyer and after 6 months of you raising him (or longer) to get him established in school and friends etc...file for custody.

Fourth, keep paying child support until your modification has been made legal.

Alternative, to all of the above:

First, offer to take him

Second, get her to change primary custody status to you for "School and medical purposes".  Do not breathe a word of child support, just say "well I will keep paying it in case it doesn't work out."   :)

Third, get it all drawn up and get the judge to sign it.  

Wait 6 months and then file to stop child support.

Yes you are going to have to buy your son, but that is just the way it works unless you want a long drawn out fight.

[terencevkelly]

Well the problem is that she does not want me to have custody of him because I got married and had another child. She will hardly let him stay for a week with me. I have been trying to at least get him for the summer but she won't let that happen because she knows he won't want to come back and I won't make him. I have met with a lawyer once before and she informed me that she could file an injuction (?) to get a judge to force her into limiting how much time a day that he can stay with her mother and that he could not spend the night there. Yes, that would help me feel better about his safety as far as she goes but then that opens up a whole new can of worms about where will he be and how can I get in touch with him.

[just_me]

My husband and I are in Tarrant county too.
Which court has jurisdiction???  Where were you divorced?

If tarrant county has jurisdiction, I would definitely see an attorney about modifying your custody arrangement.  Actually either way I would file for custody.  
I would get your son in counseling ASAP.  At 9 a judge won't talk to your son about his preferences, but he/she will speak with a counselor.
Also requesting that the court appoint an attorney for your son or have CASA involved can be very helpful.  If Tarrant county has jurisdiction, I know of a great counselor and would be happy to recommend him.  If not find a counselor in Tyler that is willing to go to court.
Start keeping detailed notes about where your son is and how often he sees you and his mother.
Is the grandmother willing to help you gain custody?  
I don't think it would be in the child's best interest to force him to return to the mother.  It sounds to me that your ex doesn't want her child, but doesn't want you to have him because she would lose child support and have to pay.

If the grandmother's health is failing, I wouldn't waste any time in getting started.

[Jade]

>Okay I am new to the site so please forgive me if I am not
>posting correctly. I have questions and I need to know where
>to go for answers and help. Okay, my son is nine years old.
>His mother and I have joint custody with her being the
>custodial parent. Well the situation is this. I moved to Fort
>Worth about five years ago. My son is in Tyler. Now, I have
>consistently paid my child support, which I filed on myself,
>from the time he was about two years old. But my son does not
>live with his mother. He lives with his grandmother. This was
>supposed to be a temporary arrangement in order for him to
>attend a school in the district in which her mother lives
>while she tried to get her financial situation under control.
>Well needless to say she has moved into a house in the
>district, one block down the street from her mother and she
>still has not allowed him to come and live with her. Okay,
>that may not seem major except for the fact that she still
>gets the child support payments and is not supporting him. But
>okay I have dealt with that part. The major problem is that
>her mother suffers from cancer and it's effects. So she is too
>tired and weak to either watch him or discipline him because
>of her failing health. In such, the grandmother has asked me
>to come and take him to live with me, as well as he has
>constantly voiced the need to move in with me because he does
>not feel like he has the attention or support he needs in the
>situation. His grades are not what they have been this year
>and in fact have been on a decline since last year and he has
>been to see a behavioral counselor because of his acting out.
>Now every time I ask him why he acts out, he tells me that his
>mother keeps saying that if he keeps being bad that she is
>going to send him to stay with me. So this is his attempt to
>move. It is making me nervous because he is getting to the age
>where he is getting too hard for her sick mother to control.
>He is also talking a lot about trying to just get away from
>his mother. I am not sure what the problem is but something
>makes him not want to stay with her but there is a problem.
>What can I do to try to get custody or at least make her take
>him from her sick mother. I geniunely fear for his safety
>because his grandmother sleeps most of the day or just lays on
>the couch and he has no supervision. What can I do?

You need to talk to a lawyer about what you can do.  Given how long the mother has not had him live with her, you may be able to get custody.  

Given that he is not doing well (which could have a large part to do with him watching his grandmother slowly die), you should have a strong case.  

[Davy]

I believe you will find a Father's Rights group in Dallas that will probably be able to direct you to reasonable legal representation in Tyler or Tarrant county.  Ft Worth may also have such a group.  They may be listed in the phone book as Texas Fathers for Equal Rights (TFER) or simply FER.  In the past, they conducted "Experience Sharing" sessions on Thurs. nights....folks from all walks of life.  It would be good if your wife could go with you.  By the way, do not let the name fool you and expect integrity.  

They should be able to guide you and assist in managing your case.
Expect them to be focused on the well-being of the child.  Be cautious if there's an air of radicalness or a concentration on Child Support (CS).

It appears you can provide a very win-win situation for your son.

There's no 6 month rules like another poster suggested.

Best of luck and keep us posted.  There are a lot of articles (click on below) of interest on this site.