Help for Father's Rights in Wisconsin - Desperate

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Hi, I'm writing on behalf of my fiance who is at this time driving back from Wisconsin to Texas WITHOUT his daughters, instead of with them on the scheduled placement.  The girls have been victims of abuse and parental alienation for some time.  We filed a CPS report in January after his 15 yr old disclosed several violent attacks by their mother against her and her 10 year old sister, involving dragging the 10 year old by the hair up the stairs and the 15 yr old physically fighting mom off of the 10 year old.  Also an altercation where she was doing her homework at the computer and mom attacked her by grabbing her hair and punching her.  This woman has a history of drug abuse, as well.  If that weren't enough she has also repeatedly put the 10 year old in situations where she has been sexually assaulted by a cousin and uses this as punishment for the 10 year old when she misbehaves.  After daughter disclosed this to Dad 2 years ago, Dad confronted mom and trusted she had taken care of the problem and was no longer sending the child over to this cousin's house.  We found out that is not the case.  This was also reported to CPS, after consulting with 10 year old's therapist and pediatrician and being advised to report to CPS.  CPS talked to the girls at school and then at home and they were to afraid to disclose.  The day after CPS came to the house, ex-wife files a bogus restraining order to further alienate him from the children and prevent them from talking to each other.  She dropped the restraining order on her own, after admitting in court to a prior drug history and that she refuses to answer phone calls meant for him to talk with the girls over 60% of the time.  We have begun to compile a large amount of documentation, but are frustrated by lack of finances for an attorney and the blatant bias in the courts of Wisconsin against fathers.  My fiancee is a disabled vet on a tight pension and I have 2 disabled children that we also care for, which makes the finances tight.  She takes full advantage of this situation, telling the children that the money from his VA pension is "extra money from the government" and that their father does not pay child support.  3 times this summer he has worked to arrange summer "placement" (as termed in Wisconsin), and after her refusal to drive them to the airport, he finally resorted to setting a day, notifying her, and driving up to meet her at a designated point for drop off.  She did not show.  He informed the family court and showed the verification that she had received notice of the placement time, as well as the sherriff and police department.  He was given forms for contempt of court and sent on his way.  Then as he was going to get a bite to eat before driving back home, the police stopped him and told him his ex had called the police department and told them she was afraid that he was going to come take the children from the home.  They told him he could not go to the home to even see his daughters and that in Wisconsin, if he doesn't have primary placement he has to go by what she "agrees to".  He has not seen the 10 year old in a year and only got to see the 15 yr. old 3 days at Easter in the past year, at which time she made her own CPS report, which was ignored.  Does anyone out there know how we could get some help?!?!!?  It is ridiculous that Wisconsin CPS will not protect these children and that the courts sit on the sidelines while a low-income father tries to get his children in a safe place.  Since March, the 10 year old had a broken arm in 2 places, that was supposedly broken while alone at home.  Mom did not take her to the dr. for 3 days and left her by herself in pain during this time.  15 yr old has had a knee injury that is unexplained as to how it occurred ("walking downstairs and it started hurting") and could not walk on it for 5 days.  Mom only took her to the dr. 5 days after the fact when she told mom she had called dad and told him about her knee.  The medical facility that treats them is refusing to provide any further medical records without demand from an attorney, which is in violation of the divorce decree, as he has joint legal custody and the school is refusing to send records or reports so he can know how they are doing.  Please...someone out ther reading this have some answers for us!!!  We cannot afford to continue to pay money to advocacy groups that can do nothing for us but agree with our complaints.

[dsm]

Hi.  We're from WI as well and played the CPS game as well.  It took a long, long time, but it worked.

First of all, I am so sorry for what the kids are going through and the stress and heartache this is causing  your DH as well as you.  I am assuming your DH shares legal custody, with his ex having primary placement, yes?  Is there any order stating that your DH cannot have access to records?  Okay, then.   Get ready for a bunch of groundwork and documentation that needs to be put in place on your end.   I also need to say that I am not a lawyer and am only giving advice based on what worked for us, and do not make any promise this will work for you and strongly urge you to discuss tactics with a lawyer.

The kids attend public school?  Do you have a relationship with teachers/guidance counselors?  If not, get one.  The school year is only a few weeks away.

Get the kids talking - do this by reassuring them that you love them, and that they are not to blame for what is/has happened to them.  They need to tell another adult - preferably a teacher who will be required to report what they talk about.  Develop a relationship via email or telephone/fax with their teachers.  The 15 yearold may be more difficult given high school and number of teachers involved, but it can be done.  Keep the relationship about being concerned for their educational experience.  Do not accuse or insinuate anything about their other home - simply state that communication with their mom is strained and that you are wanting to be involved in their education and want to be kept in the loop with grades, performances, conferences, field trips, projects, etc.  If you want, I can find letters and other correspondence that we used with my SD's teachers, doctors, and even CPS agents.  It is important that the school, doctor, etc do not feel that they are being put in the middle - they need to be a truly objective participant.  They need to be able to see that you are operating in the kids' best interest alone - not out of vindictiveness or anything else.   A teacher was our greatest ally and finally got CPS to listen and do something in our case.  Every year it was a new beginning and the paper trail had to get restarted all over again.  Every new school (which were many) had its own obstacles to overcome.  Be very friendly to the school secretary - she is probably who will mail your information and report cards to you as well as keep you updated on what is happening in the school.  You need her to be in your corner and say that you are cooperative.

Documentation.   You will hear it time and time and post and post again all over this site.  Document til you are not sure your fingers will work anymore.  Can you record phone calls?  WI is a one party state; not sure what TX is.  Record your conversations with the kids, with the ex, with law enforcement, all of it.  

There's alot to do, and it can be overwhelming.  You have to be diligent and you have to remain strong.   Get a copy of CPS records - yes, this is fully doable.  You will be surprised at what you will find.  My SD's file was over 2 inches thick with neighbor reportings, school reportings, doctor reportings.....it made us sick when we got it.  

Don't pay any more money to advocacy groups who obviously are not working for you - they just want your money.  

Biggest thing is to just keep going - one day at at time; sometimes one hour at a time.  But just keep going.

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dsm - 36; DH - 40; SD - 17; LO - 11; BB - 4
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh
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[[email protected]]

dsm,

Thanks for the input.  We tried the school contact last school year, but ex interfered with the records and told them not to send anymore...with drs. and with school.  He has joint legal cutsody and full access to all records, so for them to do this is in violation of the court order in place, but due to the distance problem it is difficult to enforce their cooperation without an attorney.  She also went against advice of pediatrician to stop medication 10 year old was on and just switched dr.  We cannot get disclosure as to who she is now seeing, are they in therapy, etc.  She just stops sending them when he gets documentation and switches care.  Then she refuses to disclose new drs.  The 10 year old has had expressions of suicidal ideation after being put on Paxil.  She reacts badly by becoming more depressed and Mom has dr. then up the dosage...which causes more adverse reaction.  Finally DH sent a statement of non-consent to the pediatrician and consent forms for her to view all therapy records that show the pattern I just mentioned.  Pediatrician told mom that she was giving child her last prescription for Paxil and mom must take child to child psychiatrist.  We have been unable to get documentation or any further informaiton past that point.  Is it just me or is WI 20 years behind the times as far as what is in the "best interest of the child"???  While he was up there for the scheduled placement that did not occur, I suggested he contact a Children's Advocacy Center or CASA and to my shock and dismay, there are no such systems there.  Who stands up for the children??  Do they expect an overworked, underpaid, understaffed, overwhelmed CPS and DHS to do that with no support systems in place?  It is as though a woman in the state of WI is encouraged and practically given a license to abuse.

[dsm]

There are ways to get around all of this, but it will take alot of legwork via telephone and letter-writing.

Do y'all carry the insurance?  If so, request explanation of benefit forms from the carrier and search them out for the providers.

Schools are reluctant to get involved in custody issues.  They want to remain a neutral party.  Forward them a copy of the court order (bet she hasn't done that) which clearly states that shared legal custody.  use the letters from here and call and arrange a meeting (via telephone if necessary) with the principal.  If that doesn't work, take it to the superintendent.  You have rights.  Use them.

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dsm - 36; DH - 40; SD - 17; LO - 11; BB - 4
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh
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