I know this may not be the most popular request...

[Yngsmommy]

But I need information showing when 50/50 custody can be detrimental to a child's mental/emotional health.

The children in question are 6 and 3.

Bio-Mother has not been active since seperation in April of 2001. I.E. She has never been to either of their school (preschool or public kindergarten) although she has all of the contact information.

She has never attended a child conference or school related function although we have mailed and or emailed her the information to all of them.

She has never attended a dance recital although she has the contact information for the school, and has been given all of the information (we even offered 2 extra tickets 2 times when we had them).

BM has refused any and all communication regarding SD's therapist, stating SD does not need it even though it was recommended by two other therapists.

BM moves on average every 3 months.  She has lived in 5 different counties, and has now for the first time moved less than 60 miles from the kids.

She is supposed to get them 3 weekends a month but has 'forgotten them' 5 weekends in the last year.

She is supposed to get a special 2 hour birthday visitation with them on their birthday however, she has decided not to excersize it (even though it was offered) the last 2 years for one child, and 1 time in the last 2 years for the other.

She has recently moved 15 miles away and has informed us she wants 50/50.  We are offering her 50/50 IF she can prove herself stable for the next 18 months (i.e. same residence for 18 months no more than 30 miles from the kids school).
If she attends therapy
If she attends co parenting classes with DSO, etc

BM has been flagged as unstable per the court appointed evaluator who said she showed signs of not only being mentally but also emotionally unstable and was using SD (then 4 now 6) as BM's therapist asking SD what BM should do regarding DSO, and how mad she was at him, how much she hated me, hated the kids loved me..etc.


Anyway...

I am looking for documentation showing that when the parents can not co-parent (or if a parent has been shown to be mentally unstable) it is NOT in the best interest for joint physical.

[Indigo Mom]

How's a 50/50 custody split going to work when she doesn't even exercise her parenting time right now????  

Or, (an unpopular response) is she only trying for 50/50 so she doesn't have to pay much child support?????

[Yngsmommy]

AH yes...

well getting 50/50 isnt about spending time with the children.  If she get's 50/50 she will jsut hand them off to her mother, who would DEARLY love to raise them because.. as she puts it.. "I screwed up so bad with my two... I can do a better job on the grandkids"

Our lovely BM wants custody because...

she hates DSO, She hates me, the kids are close to me, if I hadnt met and feel in love with DSO everything would be fine, I am living the life SHE is supposed to have, I am the reason she cant hold a job/ go to college/ become a productive adult... etc

We dont want to give her 50/50 which is why I am looking for studies to show it CAN be detrimental to kids.

Currently we have 85% and that works.  We like every other weekend and half of holidays... i think if she was honest with herself that is all she wants them too.

Besides.. she would have to PAY child support to want it reduced.  She is like 10K in arrears right now...at 654.00 a month and counting.

Her reason for not paying child support is that she should have custody.

[Indigo Mom]

I just met Mrs. "whatever she is".  You should hook her up with my daughters father...they can make children and pawn them off on anyone!!!!!  They can have kids and do nothing with 'em!!!  They can "call" themselves parents, yet do NOTHING to show that they are.

Wow...feel ya pain.

I don't know of any "studies" or whatever, however, common sense should kick in with the Judge, no?  LMAO...I said common sense in the same sentence as Judge.  Oh, I KILL me sometimes.

Do you have a GAL?  I wish ya lived here because I have THE GAL of a lifetime and she takes no shit from no one!  She's the GAL who should be on every custody case in the world, because she's only concerned about the child, does DEEP investigations, and takes NO prisoners.  She cares not about the titles "mom" and "dad".....her #1 and ONLY concern is the child she's representing.  

A GAL might be of help to you.  

Now, my personal opinion.  This "mom" should be THANKFUL that you're in the childrens lives.  She should look at it from a "loving mothers" point of view, but she's too busy being a selfish bitch.  I LOVE my sons co mom...and she isn't even with dad anymore!  I don't understand this whole "evil step parent" thing because I've been blessed with 2 wonderful creatures...my co mom and my hub.  

-----Her reason for not paying child support is that she should have custody.-----

And her reason for not having custody is because she's an unstable, immature twit who cares only about herself and the hatred she has for others.  Nice "role model".  Thank gawd those kids have you.....

-----We dont want to give her 50/50 which is why I am looking for studies to show it CAN be detrimental to kids.-----

It was detrimental to lil miss and that's why 50/50 didn't work in our case, will never work, and will probably never be in place again.  Ya need a GAL to "find" out why it's detrimental and show this to the Judge.

[StPaulieGirl]

I never could understand how people could move every year, nevermind every 3 months!  I still haven't fully unpacked from moving back into my parents house three years ago.  Now that my mom passed away, I get to pack up 50+yrs worth of stuff.  How can people move every 3 months??!!!  

Social services, etc. seem to think frequent moves are a red flag.  It shows instability.  I think what you're offering her is fair, and to your advantage.  I don't think she's capable of sitting in the same place for 18 whole months.

Imo, if she keeps blowing off visitation, she should just move on.  

[tulip]

If the current custody arrangement is working well, she would have the burden of proving that a change would be in the best interest of the children. Doesn't sound like she can do that. They are doing well in school and are well adjusted psychologically, yes?

If she tries to take the kids away from their father who is unwilling to give them up, she will be in for an uphill battle she is probably not prepared for.

Of course, if she can prove over a period of the next 18 months that she is committed to changing her lifestyle, and putting her kids first, for the kids sake maybe your dso should consider a custody change, to allow the kids a chance to have a relationship with their mother.

If she is not exercising her parenting time now, and is way behind in her child support, she doesn't really have a chance should she try to fight him for custody.

[Yngsmommy]

I know.. believe me I know.

We shouldnt worry... I mean I was terrified she would lie to the evaluator and come off more stable than she was... but I didnt need to worry. She came off unstable.

I am just of the mind.. that preparation never hurt anyone.

and although I know she theorteically shouldnt have a chance in hades at custody... ya never know.

[Yngsmommy]

We are pretty sure she cant stay in a place 18 months which is why we suggested it.

I am also pretty sure she doesnt want to be an active mother etc... which is why we made sure we requested she had to do all the things... that... well mothers should do.

In April when her tax refund is apprehended, her liscense is suspended, and we wont release the kids to her on account that she cant drive them anywhere legally...

well we are pretty sure she will decide that hating DSO and myself isnt worth it... and ask me to adopt them (she has offered 2 times so far but we couldnt get the papers to her fast enough and she got mad and vengeful again before she signed em.)

[tryn2begooddad]

10k in arrears and she isnt in jail or being pursued for it by the state...come on now if it were a man he would being villified for non payment...go after her for that.