I'm New...Here is our story, any advice is greatly appreciated

[luckystepmom]

My husband and I were highschool sweethearts who didn't work out.  His now ex girlfriend new who I was by name and our past together.  When I began dating my husband, his daughter had just turned 1.  He and the Mom were never married.  He saw the child almost everyday anywhere from 2hrs to 7hrs (depending on work schedule) with ocassional unscheduled sleepovers probably about 3-4 times a month.  When we began dating (again) we both understood that we were dating with the intent of marriage, therefore, my hubby told child's mom about us within a month of our first date.  Suddenly, she started not answering the phone when hubby called to pick up child.  Numerous times if she did answer or call us back she would say things like "I don't want you to pick her up today", "We have plans today", or  "I just laid her down for a nap, I'll call you when she wakes up (we would either not get a return phonecall or she would call after 6pm and say "its too late now").  When hubby and I got engaged, he told the Mom because it meant I would be a permenant part of child's life.  Mom said she no longer wanted child to have overnights at hubby's apartment, because she didn't want to think about her child being there while we might be having sex.  As ridiculous as the request was (they had sex in the apartment after child was born, while child was asleep and I don't believe Mom plans a life of celibacy for her future) my hubby decided to play nice, as always, and agreed.
 
One month later, hubby recieved court papers to show up for child support hearing.  Child support calculations based on overnight visitation.  My husband asked his attorney (general attorney hubby used for a few business issues) for some advice.  Attorney said first meeting will be with a support officer, not to agree to anything and he or another attorney could be retained for the next date set to be in front of the judge.  Hubby showed up and the Mom wanted $80/week.  Hubby said no, as he was told to and was quickly ushered in front of the judge.  Hubby told judge his lawyer was not present and thought a new date would be set before child support trial started.  Judge said that usually that was the case, but he had time and according to the law, it could be done that day.  Hubby requested time to call his lawyer and ask him to come down.  The judge said he had plenty of time since he had recieved notification and they would proceed now.  (All of this is in the transcripts)  The judge asked Mom how often she worked and how much money she made (however she was not required to provide any paperwork, paystub, taxes, etc. She only worked part-time and my husband did not know to request that a full-time income be imputed.)  Hubby was required to bring his taxes with him.  The judge said to Mom I see you asked for $80/week, the guidelines would give you more would you like to go by the guidelines, she said yes.  Hubby began paying child support and life went on.  

Hubby and I bought a house almost a year later.  Before buying the house hubby talked to Mom about the house, where it was (1 and hours south) and agreed to work out a 50/50 schedule, in exchange hubby would do all the driving.  After purchasing the house Hubby invited Mom and family to come see house.  Only Mom came, we showed her the entire house she was probably here for about an hour.  Mom and hubby discussed new schedule and hubby asked Mom to make one that worked for her.  When she came a few days later to drop child off for what we thought was going to be a week, she showed up and told us she only wanted child here on weekends and everyother Thurs. (She said she worked on weekends) It was less than we wanted, but hubby agreed and we decided to save our money until we could afford to sue for custody.  

After about two months, hubby filed for support reduction, because a full time income had not been imputed and child now had overnights with us 10 nights a month.  Mom in turn filed for custody stating she wanted hubby to have child only on Fri. and Sat. nights everyweek.  We had already retained our lawyer to help with the Support mod. so we told him what was going on and rehired to help with the custody case.  Our original trial date was May '03, our current date is the end of Jan '04.  Over the course of this case we have learned that Mom is working full-time six nights a week (from deposition).  And has had a serious boyfriend for 9 months and they our discussing marriage (from psychologist evaluating us) also in mediation hubby learned Mom had signed child up for pre-school without discussing with him first.  Along with all of this was our psychological evaluation.  Things went very bad. But I will post that seperately.  

The judge will not throw out the evalution and believes hubby is being rigid.  Hubby has made every offer to come to an agreement, including selling our house and moving in with my parents (who live 15 min. from Mom) until we can find (and afford) a house closer.  My parents house would still have a seperate bedroom for the child (Mom lives with her parents and shares a room with the child) all for joint or 50/50 custody.  He just wants to be an active part of child's life.  Mom is refusing all offers and stating she now wants the standard custody schedule of every other weekend and a two hour Wed. night visitation (she learned this was standard from the psychologist).  Meanwhile, still before our actual trial, in chambers the judge told her council if Dad insisted on his day in court Mom should look into making Dad pay for her legal fees.  My husband has done everything in his power to be a good father, Mom has lied, manipulated, and used the child to seek her own venegence and looks as though she'll come out of this getting her way as always.  We need advice, please.

[Brent]

If you can't get the evaluation thrown out, you may have to live with the current situation for a while, documenting as you go, and then go back to court to correct things once you have something to show the court. I'm not sure my adice will be much help, as it seems like things have been decided by the judge in advance (not terribly unusual, unfortunately).

>Meanwhile, still before our actual trial, in chambers the
>judge told her council if Dad insisted on his day in court
>Mom should look into making Dad pay for her legal fees.

This is a classic tactic by judges who don't want to do their job. It's a blatant threat to penalize your DH for daring to insist on his day in court. If the judge has told the opposing counsel to "look into making Dad pay for her legal fees", then it's a sure bet that the attorney will do it and then this maggot of a judge will award them. :(

[luckystepmom]

My husband and I were highschool sweethearts who didn't work out.  His now ex girlfriend new who I was by name and our past together.  When I began dating my husband, his daughter had just turned 1.  He and the Mom were never married.  He saw the child almost everyday anywhere from 2hrs to 7hrs (depending on work schedule) with ocassional unscheduled sleepovers probably about 3-4 times a month.  When we began dating (again) we both understood that we were dating with the intent of marriage, therefore, my hubby told child's mom about us within a month of our first date.  Suddenly, she started not answering the phone when hubby called to pick up child.  Numerous times if she did answer or call us back she would say things like "I don't want you to pick her up today", "We have plans today", or  "I just laid her down for a nap, I'll call you when she wakes up (we would either not get a return phonecall or she would call after 6pm and say "its too late now").  When hubby and I got engaged, he told the Mom because it meant I would be a permenant part of child's life.  Mom said she no longer wanted child to have overnights at hubby's apartment, because she didn't want to think about her child being there while we might be having sex.  As ridiculous as the request was (they had sex in the apartment after child was born, while child was asleep and I don't believe Mom plans a life of celibacy for her future) my hubby decided to play nice, as always, and agreed.
 
One month later, hubby recieved court papers to show up for child support hearing.  Child support calculations based on overnight visitation.  My husband asked his attorney (general attorney hubby used for a few business issues) for some advice.  Attorney said first meeting will be with a support officer, not to agree to anything and he or another attorney could be retained for the next date set to be in front of the judge.  Hubby showed up and the Mom wanted $80/week.  Hubby said no, as he was told to and was quickly ushered in front of the judge.  Hubby told judge his lawyer was not present and thought a new date would be set before child support trial started.  Judge said that usually that was the case, but he had time and according to the law, it could be done that day.  Hubby requested time to call his lawyer and ask him to come down.  The judge said he had plenty of time since he had recieved notification and they would proceed now.  (All of this is in the transcripts)  The judge asked Mom how often she worked and how much money she made (however she was not required to provide any paperwork, paystub, taxes, etc. She only worked part-time and my husband did not know to request that a full-time income be imputed.)  Hubby was required to bring his taxes with him.  The judge said to Mom I see you asked for $80/week, the guidelines would give you more would you like to go by the guidelines, she said yes.  Hubby began paying child support and life went on.  

Hubby and I bought a house almost a year later.  Before buying the house hubby talked to Mom about the house, where it was (1 and hours south) and agreed to work out a 50/50 schedule, in exchange hubby would do all the driving.  After purchasing the house Hubby invited Mom and family to come see house.  Only Mom came, we showed her the entire house she was probably here for about an hour.  Mom and hubby discussed new schedule and hubby asked Mom to make one that worked for her.  When she came a few days later to drop child off for what we thought was going to be a week, she showed up and told us she only wanted child here on weekends and everyother Thurs. (She said she worked on weekends) It was less than we wanted, but hubby agreed and we decided to save our money until we could afford to sue for custody.  

After about two months, hubby filed for support reduction, because a full time income had not been imputed and child now had overnights with us 10 nights a month.  Mom in turn filed for custody stating she wanted hubby to have child only on Fri. and Sat. nights everyweek.  We had already retained our lawyer to help with the Support mod. so we told him what was going on and rehired to help with the custody case.  Our original trial date was May '03, our current date is the end of Jan '04.  Over the course of this case we have learned that Mom is working full-time six nights a week (from deposition).  And has had a serious boyfriend for 9 months and they our discussing marriage (from psychologist evaluating us) also in mediation hubby learned Mom had signed child up for pre-school without discussing with him first.  Along with all of this was our psychological evaluation.  Things went very bad. But I will post that seperately.  

The judge will not throw out the evalution and believes hubby is being rigid.  Hubby has made every offer to come to an agreement, including selling our house and moving in with my parents (who live 15 min. from Mom) until we can find (and afford) a house closer.  My parents house would still have a seperate bedroom for the child (Mom lives with her parents and shares a room with the child) all for joint or 50/50 custody.  He just wants to be an active part of child's life.  Mom is refusing all offers and stating she now wants the standard custody schedule of every other weekend and a two hour Wed. night visitation (she learned this was standard from the psychologist).  Meanwhile, still before our actual trial, in chambers the judge told her council if Dad insisted on his day in court Mom should look into making Dad pay for her legal fees.  My husband has done everything in his power to be a good father, Mom has lied, manipulated, and used the child to seek her own venegence and looks as though she'll come out of this getting her way as always.  We need advice, please.

[Brent]

If you can't get the evaluation thrown out, you may have to live with the current situation for a while, documenting as you go, and then go back to court to correct things once you have something to show the court. I'm not sure my adice will be much help, as it seems like things have been decided by the judge in advance (not terribly unusual, unfortunately).

>Meanwhile, still before our actual trial, in chambers the
>judge told her council if Dad insisted on his day in court
>Mom should look into making Dad pay for her legal fees.

This is a classic tactic by judges who don't want to do their job. It's a blatant threat to penalize your DH for daring to insist on his day in court. If the judge has told the opposing counsel to "look into making Dad pay for her legal fees", then it's a sure bet that the attorney will do it and then this maggot of a judge will award them. :(