Change Of Custody - Opinions On What My Odds Are?

[NJDad]

Hello,

I am divorced almost 6 months, having 4 wonderful children. The Ex had tried almost every tactic from false abuse charges, false harassment charges and coercing the children to make false abuse claims. She hired private Psychologists, without my knowledge, to attempt to achieve her agenda. The court ruled that she was very controlling, needlessly involving CPS and the police, filed unfounded reports, dismissed her private Psychologist's reports, denied me medical and school records and also was suffering from symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder. I was awarded Joint Legal Custody by the Court and agreed to let her be the Residential Parent before the trial started.


Within 1-month post-trial, she continued to and did the following:

1) Filed several more false abuse charges against me – elevating one to a sex charge with my 5-year-old daughter. Unfounded.

2) Continues to coerce the children to make false reports against me to Doctors, Psychologists, School Officials, and various members of the community. The children report to the Court Counselor that she is doing this.

3) Only sporadically saw the Court Counselor, by making up excuses to her - as ordered by the Court. (She saw her 3 times in 5 months - instead of the 10 times required.)

4) Failed to inform the Court Counselor that there had been additional abuse charges filed or alleged against me – as ordered by the Court.

5) Failed to see a Court Ordered Psychotherapist to address her anger and behavior.

6) Prohibits the children from talking to me on the phone – as ordered by the Court. I've spoken to no one child more than 4 times in 5 months. She is to promote the children calling me and speaking to me. She continues to intercept and monitor the phone calls and punishes the children if the speak to me.

7) Failing to disclose medical records and children's events – as ordered by the Court.

Denigrating both my family and me to the children and to anyone else she can.

9) Continues to takes the oldest child to a Psychologist and forces her to make false claims - even when directed to the Court that only the Court Counselor is to be used.

10) She had her boyfriend move into the house.


Just before Christmas, the Judge sent a letter stating that my Ex's actions were detrimental to the children. And that I may file a motion; but nevertheless, the Court may file a motion on its own behalf.

I just filed a motion for Residential Custody due to these issues the other day. I am also requesting that she have Supervised Visitation until the Court Counselor deems that progress had been made with her anger issues. I am fortunate enough to have a job and family that will allow me to accomplish this request. Curiously, while trying to call the kids yesterday, after she had been notified of the Motion, she had a happy tone to her voice as she stopped them from speaking to me.

I am just curious as to what other people's impressions of my situation are?

Thank you,
W


PS. I disabled the viewing of my profile until the legal issues have been resolved.

[MKx2]

I would say (and this is NOT a legal opinion) that odds would "appear" fairly good for primary residential to be awarded to you.

If youwant a "real" opinion, perhaps you should post this to Socrateaser's board, if you haven't already.

What a mess for you and the children!  I am so sorry they must suffer in this way - and you as well.

Please be sure to keep us posted as to what's happening.

[NJDad]

Thanks MKx2,

I 've been hearing mixed responses from those I speak with. There may be additional testing and interviews required, at which time, she will be pressuring the kids again to say what she wants.

Last year, my oldest daughter wanted to live with me (8 y/o). The two middle kids were leaning towards their mom (5 1/2 and 4 y/o). The night before my family Forensic Evaluation, the one where I attend with my children, my Ex told my son that if he lives with daddy he will NEVER see mommy, mommom or poppop or his other sisters ever again. During the dinner time drop-off, he started crying this in the car. I had a camcorder running and caught the whole incident.

Several days later, after the evaluation, the kids told me that their mom said I wanted 50/50 custody of the children. The oldest and youngest would live with their mom and the middle kids would go with me. Of course this devastated my oldest daughter, thinking that I didn't want her when she wanted to live with me. The two middle kids were upset because they thought I was going to take them from the oldest and youngest sisters, their mom, mommom, poppop and their home.

I can't wait to see what she pulls this next time and how she abuses the kids both emotionally and physically.

W

[MKx2]

NJ - you keep that camcorder running, tape phone calls if its legal in your state and DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT!  Let her bury herself even deeper!  You be the good guy - don't bash your ex, don't say ANYthing negative about her in front of the children.

What she is doing is absolutely, positively CRIMINAL!

[NJDad]

Hi MKx2,


I just met with the court counselor. She feels that my Ex is an "Angry Spouse" and that's it. At this time, she is recommending that the children stay with her. My kids sat quietly in the room, because the Ex had scared them the weeks beforehand. My daughter did say that her mom takes the kids alone into a room and rehearses over and over what to say to CPS and doctors to get me into trouble. Even though the counselor has all of this documentation, proof that the Ex lied to her and proof that the kids were manipulated, she doesn't feel it's severe enough to remove the children from her. Several weeks ago, she gave me the impression that my Ex would lose custody since she had another family do the same thing and the father got custody.


When we left, I told my dauhter that I loved her and that I tried to help them out. I asked her why she didn't speak up and she started to cry to me saying how her mom punishes them and is so cruel to them. She said that the Ex kicks them and pushes them into furniture and the floor.


If I, being the man, had residential custody and did the things that she had, not only would I have lost the children, but I would have been charged with something.

So much for New Jersey having "Equal Rights" in custody issues.

I guess they have to say that to the fathers to make it seem like the system is fair to them.


W

[tulip]

I know it seems hopeless, because the counselor told you she is recommending bm keep the kids.
I wouldn't give up so easily. What she is doing to these kids is abuse, physical and mental! If you give up fighting for them, they are going to be scarred their whole lives! And they will hate you for it. Either they will hate you for giving up, or they will start to believe the lies she is telling them about you. The judge already told you what you are doing is wrong, so let the judge decide. If the judge decides she keep the kids, then you get as much visitation and phone time written into your court order as you possibly can. Every time she denies your visitation or phone contact, file contempt charges against her.
Call CPS and tell them what your daughter told you. Tell them that she is afraid that if she tells them the truth about it, she is going to be abused further! Your kids have to stick up for themselves too.

[Peanutsdad]

W,

As my attrny saz to me,, "Take the high road always,, but document every moment".

[NJDad]

Thanks, Tulip.

Seeing the Ex this past week was hard. She was like the cat that ate the canary. Not only do I know she has something planned, but the Court Counselor's ruling just gave her validation to her actions. That she really won't be held accountable for them. The Ex used to work for a Rescue Shelter and he had warned me, just after we separated, that she knows the system and all of its tricks.

I picked up the kids tonight for my parenting dinner. My 2 year old's leggings were pulled up on one leg and her skin tone looked funny. I took a wetnap and rubbed the leg and I was shocked to see that she had makeup covering some brusies on her legs. I filmed it with the camcorder but I rubbed off all of the makeup.

I made comments to my family the other day that, when I had the kids for the weekend, after the children had their baths the 2 year old seemed to show some bruises on her legs which I didn't notice when I changed her diapers. Now I know why. I wonder if my Ex will try to set me up, saying how the baby didn't have any marks on her and then all of a sudden viola!

How can I prove this one?


W

[NJDad]

Thanks for the reply Peanutsdad.

I'm trying. I work with computers and there's a saying 'No doc, No problem.'

Check out the above post... it's scarey.

W

[tulip]

Call CPS, call somebody, the minute you see this stuff. She is physically abusing these kids, and should be prosecuted for it. Yeah she is trying to set you up. Here's what I would do. The minute they come to your home, wash them and check for bruises. She can't possibly claim that you beat them up within moments of there arrival.

[Kitty C.]

Wipe on PART of the make-up away, that way they can PROVE that it was covered up, cuz LE will need to be able to PROVE it.  But call LE first, NOT CPS.  Once CPS finds out there's a custody dispute, they'll just think you're a disgruntled parent.  LE will take it more seriously.

Also, if you have any contact or rapport with the school or daycare, ask them to keep an eye out for bruising as well.  In fact, you might even ask LE to check on the kids in daycare or at home.  It's called a welfare check and it's done all the time.  Somehow you've got to nail this *itch, cuz those kids are suffering and you are the only one who can do anything about it.......

[Indigo Mom]

Because she's 2 years old and coming over with "covered" bruises...here's what you need to do.

Go out and buy her a "pwetty" new outfit.  (before you pick her up)

When you get to your home, ask her if she wants to put it on.  If it's "weawwy weawwy pwetty" she will.  Get her undressed, and without her knowing, quickly give her body a thorough look over.  If she doesn't want to get her new outfit on, tell her she's "bewwy tinkie and needs a bubble baff"  If you see any marks that look more than your usual 2 year old bumps and bruises, say this...

"doodnes dwacious, dass a pwetty big owie you have there..."  I'm serious..stop laughing.  Be all types of excited and "dork" like when you say that.  Make her interested in this owie.  But don't say anything AT ALL after you do your childlike questioning.

If you "got" her interested, she'll probably tell you what happened.  Don't prod, don't ask questions, just be a great big silly person.  If she says anything at all like "mommy kicked me" just say something equally as silly as the first thing you said..."holy moly, sugarbear, that must have hurt!!!"  And then drop it.

Run, don't walk, but fricken RUN to her doctors...if they're closed, bring her to the ER.  Now, no one jump me on this next part...I do NOT care what your court orders say.  I do NOT care if they say you will go to jail forever if you take her to a doctor...GO ANYWAY!!!!!!!

The OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONLY time I ever got help for my son is when I did just this.  I picked him up from daycare, and on the bus home, he happened to look up.  I immediately noticed the "hickey" around his neck...looked like a thin hickey necklace...IOW..he was strangled.  I did the whole excited thing I told you to do, so he told me what happened.  When we got home, I called his doctor who for some strange reason, set his appointment for the next afternoon, but informed me she's immediately calling social services.    (on my word that some type of abuse happened to him) A social worker was at my house within an hour talking to my son...She made her report, and investigated the daycare center, as my son told her what happened there.  At his doctors appointment the next day, they ran this blood test to see if he was an "easy" bruiser.  He wasn't, and the doctor determined that "whoever" did this used excessive force.

My point?  Don't bother with 911, don't bother with social services YOURSELF.  Go straight to the doctor/ER and have them do it.  I can't tell you how many times I've called the "child abuse and neglect" hotline, and social services, and the police for welfare checks...NO ONE CARED!!!!!!  It took me calling his doctor before anyone gave a damned.  

I've called for a police welfare check when my son showed up at the supervised visitation center with a shiner like you wouldn't believe.  He was CLEARLY socked in the eye, but what monster told the center was that "he fell on the bedpost"...and my son shook his head yes.  That was good enough for them.  I, however, BOUGHT that particular bed, and the bedpost was 4 X 4 and square...half his face would have been bruised and cut...not just a single shiner.  That night, when I finally got home, I called a police welfare check.  Monster refused to answer the door for 15 minutes, so I gave them his phone number.  He answered the phone, but took another 10 minutes to open the door.  He said the same thing as he told the center, and my son just shook his head to agree.  No one cared.

I've got more horror stories, but I won't go into them.  Call the fricken doctor when you see ANYTHING...especially if it's covered up with make up.  Now, about the foundation covering it up.  You can still see bruises under that...trust me, it doesn't cover bruises or pimples.  Do NOT wipe it off!  Let the doctors see exactly what your ex is doing.  oh, when you do take her in, they'll ask if you suspect anyone of doing this...DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT tell them it's her mother...say that you picked her up from her moms...but you've no clue who did it.  

This sucks for you and your child...I'm very sorry.

[Kitty C.]

Great advice, Indy.  Especially since you've 'BT,DT'.  And I agree with the doctor/ER route.  When THEY report abuse (and they are mandated by law to report ALL suspicions) only then will the appropriate agencies follow.  Otherwise, you're looked at as just another po'ed NCP.  Get it medically documented, something that CANNOT be disputed in court.