Son wants to stay with dad after argument....

[wendl]

Rini,
I am sorry to hear that you are going thru this, I had problems with my mom growing up and moved in with my father and found out the grass wasnt greener on the other side once I was there (I loved my dad more than anything and ended up living with him however I didnt have a mom that really wanted me)

The only advice I can say is show him you love him no matter what and do what you feel in your heart.

As for someones comment on spanking:
I was spanked with a belt, a hand, a wooden spoon etc, I have never been violent with anyone bla bla bla.  I have once given my son a spaking with all else failed and it wasn't hard he was shocked more than anything.

I have never raised a hand to my stepkids however we all at times whether we admit to it or not whether they are bio or stepkids would like to smack them, its how we control it is what matters, I am sure your dh didn't mean to do it and probably feels bad.

I wish you all the luck and will keep you in our prayers

[rini]

perhaps if you had bothered to read further down since you had such a hard time reading past my typo you might have gotten to the part only ((((((((  2)))))))))))  little paragraphs later that stated that i had a hard time getting hime to bother at all with visitations.  Missed that part im guessing?????????????  or one of those people that only see what they expect or want to see so they can disparage the poster.

I do sincerely regret having posted on a site that i have been coming to for 3 years and being responded to with the insulting cutting remarks that were not only uncalled for they were absolutely devastating to someone that has been already hurt and going through the second most horrible experience in my life second only to being molested as a child from the age of 6 to 12 .   thanks so much for encouragement and helpful statements.  
 
but unfortunately im tired stressed and recovering from major surgery that none of these idiots is ever going to let me recover from not to mention not having slept for almost 2 weeks due to the pain and stress and loosing my child that i have raised basically on my own for almost 9 years with only financial support from the dad.

and to be honest just about at my last straw with putting up with my ex husband my current husband and my son. so oooooooooooppppppppps i made a freaking big mistake there next time i beg for help with something i will make sure i check my post so i dont get flamed for a minute i thought i was on another board. (where they treat people like that all the time)

If you had bothered to read further down and read the part about trying to get the dad to comply with visitation how could you possibly think that i was the problem and come off like that .........

...

i asked for support you offered nothing but nasty remarks but well i guess i ll just leave it at that.   but thank you so very much for your (2 cents )  if i was suicidal it just might have pushed me over the edge.l


Honestly i do now realize why this board gets such a bad reputation.......


first of all let me say that i realize that you have no idea about my situation like most of the others on this board

i have been here for 3 years and you are fairly new to it

i came here to get help for my current husband to see his 2 kids but i have always been more than fair with my own ex husband even to the point where it is ridiculous.  bending over not only backwards but doing handsprings for him to see the kids.

by WHIM i mean

dad contacts me the day before occasionally a few days before and if the kids dont have plans or activities they go to see him.   Most of the time they come right back home 7 overnights in the past year.  He or his gf have not washed or bought a stitch of clothing for as long as i can remember.  their motto is if it doesnt smell too bad it is ok to wear.  I make the kids bring the clothes home for me to wash because if i dont i will never see them again.  

he has no set visitation never has due to his job that he works 24 hours a day 7 days a week. ( again his choice)

i have allowed this situation to continue only because if i had  insisted on his complying with eo weekend and a set  weekday visits he would cancel every week instead of just canceling 2 out of the 4 days ( that  he picks a month)  he picks them and still cancels once or twice a month........

the kids have never been a priority for him NEVER not when they were little not now not ever. and i have spent almost 9 years trying to reinforce that daddy still cares even when he cancels his visits when only required to call a day or a few days before more consistently than he actually shows up.

i have even offered to allow him time to find a new job that is more flexible and lower child support to reflect the fact that he has chosen to work a job and see his kids. he has refused every time i have offered.
He is a hotel manager and enjoys the freedom it ensures him his current gf never knows if he is working or where he is and that is the way he likes it.


Dad is never there for the kids and never has been he picks them up and takes them to a movie every other week that is all he ever has time for. I have been responsible for all of the care EVERYTHING for almost 9 years. I was asked by his gf for help because my children were being rude to her about 6 years ago and i read them the riot act they have never treated her or HIM for that matter with any disrespect .  ( my son only treats us badly i suspect because he is acting out because of his dads neglect and apathy..


but then again daddy only takes them for a fun time occaisionally and has none of the responsibility that goes along with it.  He ignores any punishments that the children have and has NO RULES whatsoever... for them.



i have never raised the child support not once in almost 9 years. i dont ask for anything extra not medical not day care when they were younger and i have done everything humanly possible to ensure a fair relationship even though daddy left me for his current gf. and refused any type of counseling or any attempt to save the family.

by the way our support is based on the pa guidelines and i have never increased it even when the guideline amount went up .. in other words dad does not realize it yet but an adjustment from 3 kids to 2 kids will probably raise his support payments..

My 15 yr old will stay in a filthy house and his dad will still never be there for him not to mention having to transfer to the worst school district in the state.


usually when people ask for help they want help not a response with bitterness and nasty comments but im guessing you were in a bad mood.

not all of us are pbfh as bio moms.........

i am just not willing to jump through any more hoops for my x and if the custody arrrangement gets changed it will all be changed and i guess he will just have to live with seeing the other 2 kids when he can arrange his schedule around the court order like normal nc fathers do.

rini

[nosonew]

Although a bunch of you newer folks out there don't know Rini, she has been here for a long time and helped me out with some things when she was flat on her back in bed.  

Her post did not deserve the slams she got.  You acted like she purposefully had medical problems, had control of her hospitalization, and stood there holding son so sdad could smack him (which was well deserved by the way).

Whether you believe in corporal punishment or not, that is beside the point here.  The point of this post was, "What should I do?" Not many gave helpful suggestions, as with several posts on these boards lately, people are looking at things (one word, one sentence) that they take as a personal confrontation and rather than help these people with the true issue at hand, they are blasting them away from the very site that could help their children and themselves!

Come on people, clean up your act!

MY PERSONAL OPINION!---Nosonew (aka Katie in chat)

[StPaulieGirl]

I did read your whole post, and typos happen.  Don't worry about it.  

I bent over backwards to accomodate my kid's father, until his lies about me resulted in his new wife calling CPS on me.  Christmas he got away with it...because it was Christmas.  I know where you're coming from Rini.  I'm going to start documenting all the missed time, and other issues, because eventually I'm going to have to take the ex back to court regarding the QDRO that never happened.  If he wants to wiggle out of it by his usual tactics, I'm going to be armed because I'm fed up with the whole situation.

You have a right to be fed up.  Being sick on top of it makes things ten times worse.  You have to eliminate the stress in your life, as much as humanly possible.  Your little birdies will fly out of the nest one by one, and don't you want to spend your remaining years with your husband by your side?  

If you and your husband are on the same page, and get some positive help from a decent counselor (there are some real nutballs out there, so watch out), then you can get through this and hopefully help the kids grow in maturity and respect, plus save your marriage.

My 15 yr old will stay in a filthy house and his dad will still never be there for him not to mention having to transfer to the worst school district in the state.

Your 15 yr old apparently doesn't care if their house is filthy, but wait until he gets jumped walking home from school.  He's 15, and thinks he knows it all, so let him enjoy his choices and their consequences.  You might be doing him a favor in the long run.

Once again, wishing you a speedy recovery and a positive solution to your problem :-)

[sweetnsad]

NEVER hurt anyone....sorry, but I got my share of spankings, and guess what???  I respect my parents for it...how many kids out there actually do???  How many kids actually have respect for their parents and their rules???

A spanking doesn't mean a beating...there is a world of difference...you have to discipline your kids, no question about it...the kids nowadays are wild and out of control...that never happened when I was a kid...Gee, I wonder why???

I'm sure I'll be flamed for this...but that's just my opinion...

BTW, I don't agree with slapping your children across the face or anything drastic like that....I think that is abuse.

[sweetnsad]

Clap, clap...now THAT'S the response I like....

[kiddosmom]

I can honestly say i have not had the pleasure of meeting rini, i did not say anything bad about her, nor attack her. I did in fact wish for her speedy recovery.
Teens are the most unstable humans on the planet, It may be a great idea to send him to daddy, let him start being daddy.


Corporal punishment  btw to me is spankings, in the buttocks area. My g'mother was the one to punish us most of the time, she loved smacking us so hard in the face we landed on the floor. Of course her spankings were worse, we had blood running down our backs, butt, and legs, I would have prefered the spanking though, then noone knew.
I hope things improve enough for this not to be an added stress for you again Rini.

[LizaLou1]

Rini,

I read all the posts, take heart and don't give up on the board.  I can't imagine your situation and I will not judge your husband for slapping the 15 year old for beating up a younger sibling (& a girl at that).  Faced with that situation, I might have done the same thing.  The stress of Mom being in the hosptial probably had everyone acting different than normal.  

Based on your comments on visitation, I bet your exhusband and SO get tired of your son soon enough and send him packing.  Just let him know the door home is always open.

Feel Better and Best of Luck,

LizaLou

[Davy]

...just like the recent past !!

There you go again drooling all over yourself while running off at the mouth with totally ridiculous posts that are seriously meaningless with absolutely no value.  It is apparent you have never been held accountable for your mouth or actions !!!  Like everything and anything goes.  This is not an attack.  I hope this helps you and hope that you start taking Dr. D's advice given to you on the shrink board.  It may help if you are able to ween yourself off prozak as well.

Let me try to summarize.  Darling daughter was 5' 2" about 100 pounds.
Bozo 6' 4" and approx 240 pounds.  She woulda, coulda, shoulda knock your teeth right down your throat just like she did the Bozo ... you and he have the same status legally and every other way.  She and her brothers just got tired of getting slapped around.

Oh... and I refused to testify under subpeona at Bozo/Bimbo's parental termination trial.  The court, attys, etc got the message.  Do you ?

Isn't it strange that I, the primary parent and displinarian had absolutely no problems before or after those days except for the deep anger the kids had (and still do) resulting those days.
 

[StPaulieGirl]

Just like most of your posts, you don't proofread or edit.  What the hell is wrong with you?


There you go again drooling all over yourself while running off at the mouth with totally ridiculous posts that are seriously meaningless with absolutely no value. It is apparent you have never been held accountable for your mouth or actions !!! Like everything and anything goes. This is not an attack. I hope this helps you and hope that you start taking Dr. D's advice given to you on the shrink board. It may help if you are able to ween yourself off prozak as well.

Of course it isn't an attack, it's another Davy train moment!  Excuse me while I wipe the drool off my chin.  No comment about my bf.  Btw, he thinks you're an asshole )(  Oh yeah, he read your last attempt to flame me.

Okay, specifically what advice on Shrinkrap are you referring to?   I don't particularly care for Prozac, but I take it to try and regulate my heartbeat.  I thought it was strange that they would perscribe Prozac for a heart problem, but my son in law's father went through serious heart surgery, and he takes it.  I am not weening myself off anything, until the doctor tells me to.  

Let me try to summarize. Darling daughter was 5' 2" about 100 pounds.
[p]Bozo 6' 4" and approx 240 pounds. She woulda, coulda, shoulda knock your teeth right down your throat just like she did the Bozo ... you and he have the same status legally and every other way. She and her brothers just got tired of getting slapped around.

[p]Oh... and I refused to testify under subpeona at Bozo/Bimbo's parental termination trial. The court, attys, etc got the message. Do you ?

[p]Isn't it strange that I, the primary parent and displinarian had absolutely no problems before or after those days except for the deep anger the kids had (and still do) resulting those days.
[p]Sorry dude, you aren't making any sense.    What are you talking about?????  You refused to testify against what?

[p]Just kick back and sip that grape koolaid Davy boy....