finally in evaluationd and NOW -

[grafxgrl]

CP is saying she cant afford it. Apparently hasnt paid her lawyer in 2 months, and has not ever paid the ad litem. Her lawyer is filing a suit now for her to recoup all attorneys fees (from us!), and to force us to pay her share of the evaluation and the ad litem.

We think it is another way to try and weasel out of the evaluation. When we scheduled the depositions for her and the child psychologist we got everything done and then it was her turn to be deposed and ahe wanted to deal - no deposition was taken and of course she has not adhered to the spirit of the agreement reached (stupid us for beleiving her again!)Everything indicates that she is starting to decompensate (we suspect mental illness). She drives a freakin lexus!!! She just took the child on a wildly expensive trip, and child got an exorbitant amount of gifts for Christmas...and now she is crying broke? HELP!!!

Anybody have any ideas how this might play out? suggestions? should we just pay the eval fees and the ad litem? Any insight would be appreciated.

thx

[Dr.Stepmom]

Wow, I can't believe how similar your story is to ours (except CP owns a Mercedes).

Child's CP accused us of abuse with no grounds and is being forced to pay for the entire eval herself...we are pretty sure that she is going to drop the ball though.  We have been advised to step up to the plate and pay for it ourselves if she backs out as it shows commitment on our part.  The evaluator will figure out what is going on.  It sounds like an eval may be helpful for you.

We think CP has borderline personality disorder.  Yours sounds similar.  You may want to read up on it as it gave us a lot of insight.

Good luck!

[grafxgrl]

yep...it sounds like you and i lead parallel lives...thanks for the note. It would be gtreat if she was ordered to pay it! but we are ready to do it ourselves if need be.

We have suspected borderline for a long time and have been trying to educate ourselves.

Where are you with your eval ? would love to hear how yours is going as you experience it.  what state are you in? we are in texas.

thanks for the vote of support and i wish you good luck with your stuff too.

:-)

[Dr.Stepmom]

My husband has his first appointment with the evaluator in a few weeks.

We weren't given any forms to fill out, so we put together our own packet of info.  We put together our ideal parenting plan, our hopes for future schooling, what our house/schedule/discipline/activities are like and also included her declaration to the court asking for the eval and our reply.  We have a lot more info about all of her bad actions, but we are saving these for later...we want to be really positive and focus on us in the beginning as we are sure her poor behavior will come up soon enough.

We are in California. We currently have 25% time-we continually ask for more but our always denied and some of our court ordered time has been removed by her.  We are hoping to go for 50/50 custody for a short transition period, then go to primary custody before child reaches school age.  My husband began working from home to spend as much time as possible with the family and CP sticks child in daycare 10+ hours a day when she has custody.

Between all this and her absolute reluctance to encourage our time at all (along with the lie about our "abusive" behavior) we are hoping that we may have a shot at this.

Please keep in touch about how things are going for you (and any tips you may come up with) and I'll let you know how we do.

[nosonew]

Dr. Stepmom, You are correctly on the mark by leaving out the negativity in custody evals.  Focus on the child, yourselves, and how you believe that BOTH parents should have equal access to the child.  The other stuff will come out, but don't place blame on her, just the facts, etc.  Also don't try to diagnose her with a disorder to the evaluator, (unless you really are a doctor that is!)  

And hopefully if the evaluator sees he is a stay at home parent vs. daycare 10 hrs per day, and he is believes it is in the best interest of the child for BOTH parents to be involved as much as possible in their lives, along with false allegations, sounds good, I wish you much luck!

[Davy]

I'm really not trying to be funny and I don't understand all this evaluation processes.  All my EX has to do is utter one statement and one would know immediately that she is a nut case with varying degrees of disorders.  

Is the purpose of the evaluation an attempt to determine a percentage of the disorders at any five second interval ??  What I never understood is why judges and others in the system could not make those determinations.  Perhaps they need to be evaluated !  Really !  Is'nt it all about money ?

[MYSONSDAD]

You just hit the nail on the head!

"Children learn what they live"

[Indigo Mom]

-----Is the purpose of the evaluation an attempt to determine a percentage of the disorders at any five second interval ?? -----

Like, CHA, dude!  We don't have to get a license to "have" children...but once there's a split, every fricken little THING you do is under the microscope.  It's almost as though people are dying for you to be a "proven" nutbag.  (what's funny?  in just about every split, someone has "instant insanity", usually the NCP) I gotta say...I've been a nutcase for many years now...no one cared about it when I was a single parent.   Not one person in the hospital, when I had lil dude, cared that I was a complete loon.  (I was beggin someone to come home with me...the jerks...made me bring this lil bundle home all by myself...gack)  Anyway, when monster started playing his games?  Every little stupid thing I did was considered "harmful" to my son....even the fact that I had the AUDACITY to get marred and move into a home with my hub.  I was called "unstable" because I moved.  HOW DARE I????? Unreal.  I will NEVER allow anyone to poke inside MY head...I'm afraid of what they'll find, prove me unfit, then take my kids away.  Thankfully, I've never had one of those evaluations. (being poor has it's benefits) phew!  I may be a nutcase, but I am not harmful to my kiddo's!  I'm a "special" nutcase, but I bet an evaluator would think differently.  

-----What I never understood is why judges and others in the system could not make those determinations. Perhaps they need to be evaluated ! Really ! Is'nt it all about money ?-----

Davy, Davy, Davy...if Judges, GAL's, CASA's, Lawyers, etc were required to have evaluations...there wouldn't be any left you silly goose!  A bet a majority of 'em would be tossed into the loony bin!  Then where would we be?  OMG!  We'd have our kids, now wouldn't we?  Good idea, dude!  Let's make it a law that all these people must undergo a psychiatric evaluation at their OWN expense...not the taxpayers.  You're a fricken genius!

[Davy]

Well Indy...I think you as a special nutcase would be great in just about any capacity in the system.  It takes one to know one and I suspect you could drive em wild while maintaining your normal sanity (haha).  One  of my views ...  the system is likend to what they say out on the funny farm ... "We're all here cause we're not all there".  When I was dragged into this gawd awful (got that from u) mess I quickly took on the mindset to be "the one that flew over the cookoo nest" while splattering as much white stuff (not green stuff) on them as my bowels would allowed.  The more diarrhea the better.

Did ya ever see (Davy) Crockett at the Alamo ??

Let me explain further.  As horrendous as everything is in 2004 there have been great strides made over 20 years.  I knew the system was corrupt before first walking into 'family court' but thought all I would have to do is explain my primary parenting role....well.

The family court did not exist.  The baliff was armed and appeared dangerous. The judge had just sent a guy to the gallows cause his wife's head rolled out of an open car door and down a hill following a high speed chase.  Needless to say, the judge did not want to hear about my children or my life long parenting skills.  The judge's ballywick, as a former criminal prosecutor, was criminal cases.

Basically in those days, custody and all other relevant issues were  granted to females automatically in concert thru a show of hands.  The only 'hearing' was what the female wanted after being asked.  There was no HOPE for children or fathers.... they were just throw-aways ...

... all they had left was there MINDS ... MAYBE.

TGIF    

[Indigo Mom]

The other night, hub rented a comedy DVD.  Chris Rock: Bring the pain.  You have got to see it!  (make sure your bladder is empty)

Anyway, one part of it was about divorce.  He agrees with everyone else that women rule the courtroom.  Anyway, he's talking about how many women use the term "accustomed to" in the divorce proceedings.  

"Your Honor, I'm accustomed to this lifestyle"

"Your Honor, I'm accustomed to this"

"Your Honor, I'm accustomed to that"  

"Gimme the money...gimme gimme gimme"

"GRANTED"

So, Chris goes on about the things a man gets "accustomed" to during the marriage.  What about those things HE is "accustomed" to?  (you have to hear how he says it...  'a--CUS--TUM...TO'...it's a hoot) He said he wants ONE man to go into court and tell the Judge a few things.  One of them being...

"Your Honor, I'm accustomed to tapping that 4 times a week, I should at LEAST be able to tap it 2 times a week now"

He called it...um....p**sy payments.  (need I mention how I almost DIED laughing??????)

I wonder....if these "interesting" payments were ordered...how many people would really go after alimony?  I bet the word "accustomed" would NEVER be spoken in court again!  lololol