finally in evaluationd and NOW -

[bluesman]

>Dr. Stepmom, You are correctly on the mark by leaving out the
>negativity in custody evals.  Focus on the child, yourselves,
>and how you believe that BOTH parents should have equal access
>to the child.  The other stuff will come out, but don't place
>blame on her, just the facts, etc.  Also don't try to diagnose
>her with a disorder to the evaluator, (unless you really are a
>doctor that is!)  

I am in the middle of a bitter battle to remain a father to my kids and went through a custody evaluation. After the evaluation, my attorney had his best friend (another well respected custody evaluator in my area) review the evaluation I went through. I told him about how I really held back and tried to take the high road. He told me that was probably a mistake. He said evaluators spend probably 15 hours on a case and are required to make a decision that affects people the rest of their lives based almost solely on what they learn from the parents. The most important thing I think he said to me was, "If you don't give me the information, how can I make a decision?" In other words, don't hold back any of your concerns. You MUST give the evaluator the negatives. You just need to do it the right way. To bad on the other parent and talk about how awful they are is not the right way. But being factual about all of your concerns is critical. Taking the high road and relying solely on "our kids needs both parents" will get you nowhere.

Don't misread what I'm saying. It is important to acknowledge that your kids need both parents, just don't think that taking that approach even if your ex doesn't will make it go your way. My point is, you must bring up the bad things that your ex does if they are real and are worth bringing up. Leave out the petty stuff but make sure you bring up the serious stuff but do it without blaming, whining, etc.

I would be very interested to know where you live in California you live and who your evaluator is.