A question...

[sweetnsad]

He may be her Daddy, yes, but my SO is her step-daddy...the man that is here for her 24/7...not just when it's convenient or fits into his schedule...and she knows this, she isn't stupid.

She called him by his name for two and a half years...just recently started calling him Daddy...and it's made him so proud.  Her sister does it, so she started to do it.  I'm not going to discourage her from it...she knows in her mind that she has her "real" daddy and her step-daddy.  It would be different if she didn't know any better.

[rtwins]

I can understand how you feel but you should be careful with how far you let this go.
We were in the same situation. My husbands girls at age 5+6 started calling their step dad "daddy" We too, did not want to make a big deal over it but the next time they came over they were calling my husband "father".
We then questioned them and they said it was too confusing for them to have two dads so their mother told them to call BD "father".
I know my husband was hurt but we again went along with it.
A couple weeks later, they were call ing him by his first name. This is when we had to put a stop to it because we had other small children at home and we thought it to be disrespectful.
Grant it, alot of this was coming from their mother but it all started very innocently and we didn't want to rock the boat.
The girls are now 12+13 and to this day still call my husband by his first name. I hate it. It is just plain disrespectful and reflective of how much their mother has influenced them.

[sweetnsad]

Well, I can certainly understand your stance on this...I don't want my daughter calling her father anything other than Daddy or Dad...you are right, it is disrespectful...but, she knows one from the other...and my soon-to-be-husband and I have one child together and another on the way that call him Daddy, so it makes her feel special to share in that.  

I handle it the way it should be handled.  I don't instill any bad feelings in her for her father and she knows this.  She loves them both and considers herself lucky that she has two "daddies".

[homewrecked]

First I would like to apologize for my hot-headed response that I posted last night.  It was probably destructive to the cause and I was out of line.  Here is my thought on that terrible issue, hopefully a little more rational...

My two children are very young, (two years and 10 months) so I have no parenting experience with older children, but I can tell you, that neither one of them is allowed to have another daddy.  I am that person.  

I would completely understand if the father was a bum, or a dead-beat.  I have no sympathy, much less respect for those degenerates who call themselves men.  However, in my humble opinion, that title is reserved for the man who takes the responsibility to wear it.  And as long as he is worthy of bearing that title, no other person is.

I appreciate the fact that the new "daddy" is willing to step up to the challenge. But as long as your precious daughter's real daddy is willing and worthy to wear that badge, he deserves the honor.

[sweetnsad]

Trust me, her real father gets the honour of "Daddy", but there are times he doesn't deserve it...

Tell me, would you spend time with your babies only when it was convenient?  Would you put making money before your kids?  Would you not support your children so you could buy them great Xmas gifts and appear to be "father of the year"?  These are all things that my ex has done...he hasn't paid me CS since May of last year...and feels now that he should be relieved of that duty.  

He takes her for two days and after the first night has gone by, he calls and says she's lonely and wants to come home....he's done this numerous times, I can't count.  If he takes her to his father's place for the weekend, or his own dump he calls a home, either way, he's two hours away.  He tires of her easily.  I don't call that a great father.  He interferes in our life here and tries to tell me what to do.  I don't appreciate that.  My daughter has the best life possible here.  She is loved and appreciated.

I sympathize with your situation and I can tell you aren't that kind of man.  Don't ever put anything before your kids because they will feel it.  And wear that "Daddy" badge proudly...

[homewrecked]

I have only been on this ting since last night, and besides all the great advice and support, all these different points of view are very helpful in coming to some sense of sanity.

You're right, I'm not that kind of man, and if this little girls father is, I wish for no good thing to come to him...  ever.  There is no worse person on this earth than one who would use these innocent creatures as pawns in their deviant plots.

I wish you and your new family all the best now and in the future.  I am so happy to hear that your little girl is in a safe, loving home.

[sweetnsad]

Thank you so much...you sound like such a wonderful man and I feel so bad for the situation you are in...

My ex-husband was a very abusive man...he hospitalized me twice with concussions, broke my thumb, left me bruised and battered, beat me in the car while he was driving in front of my then two year old, etc...Do you know that my daughter is almost six now and STILL remembers EVERYTHING?  It breaks my heart and she is the most softest, sensitive, loving child you have ever met...and can you believe that I am forgiving enough to allow such a human being to still be her father?  I could never punish HER for his mistakes, but there are many women that do.

Take care homewrecked...you deserve much happiness and prayers.

[msme]

still have much to learn. You seem like a terrific father & dad & I don't doubt that you are. However life holds many twists & turns that most of us cannot forsee.

Right now, my son & his fiance are building a blended family of 8 children. It is very difficult, at best. My son's ex is the typical PBFH & has told the kids, (before she lost all visitation due to failure to comply with court ordered Anger Management classes) that they were not allowed to ever call anyone but her mommy, ever.

We recently also found out that she had charged the 11 year old daughter with the responsibility to break up any relationship that their daddy might enter into. She also told her that if they never got back together, it would be all her fault.

gr8Dad & gr8Mom, (their names on here) declared themselves the "Dad" & 'Mom" of the house. The children were given the opportunity to decide what they wanted to call them.

They were told that any man or woman who's bodies were working properly could be a Father or a Mother. Their father & mother are the only father & mother they could ever have. No one can change that or take that away from them.

They were also told that a Daddy or Mommy is a person who loves them very much, who takes care of them & is there for them everyday & some kids are lucky enough to have more than one of them.

The decision has been left to them & most have started to call them mom & dad but one has said that he won't be her daddy till after the up comming wedding & a couple of the older ones are still deciding.

I do not know how her ex feels, he lost his supervised visitation, which he got for beating her & the kids for defying all the rules at the supervising facility & hitting her when she dropped the kids off there.

I do know that it takes more than sperm & eggs to be a daddy or mommy.

Good luck & God bless.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[Davy]

Oh please !  MOST and let me repeat MOST folks ..probably 80% - 90& of my acquainces call apples apples and oranges oranges.  Particularily the husbands married to women with children prefer not to be called 'Dad' by someone else children.  Personally, I would consider such to be disrespectful to my own children and disrespectful to my father when / should I ever be called upon to comply either directly or subtlely.

A long term significant one was nicked by my sons and her son appropriately used my name.  When my kids lived with their BM they started calling her by her given name ... I changed that around but completely understood the reasons.  My sisters (3) and I all call (we did not even have to discuss) mom's husband by his given name.  His ego was such he would have been delighted to be called 'Dad'.  After about 18 years one of my sisters had all the family movies choreagrafted together and mom's husband graciously said NOW I understand why our Dad he would be the ONLY ONE called "Dad"...he passed in 1971 at age 53.  Mom had a great respect for Dad but for many years she suggested/requested to her 4 children to send cards on "Father's Day" to her husband.  I think two of my sisters begrudgently complied just to keep "mom happy".  What puke !!

My very strong personal opinion of condoning a mother or anybody else to define or redefine a parent - child relationship is a degradation of fatherhood and heritage.  

Hope all is well with gr8dad !!!
 

 

[sweetnsad]

Give me a break Davy...for one, your post is very sketchy...it can't be read very well because it wasn't written very well....it doesn't make any sense, you are jumping all over the place.

Your Dad died, I got that much...and I'm sorry for that...and obviously you and your sisters couldn't have liked step dad very much if you didn't even want to send him Father's Day Cards....well that's completely different than the situation here...COMPLETELY different...my daughter LOVES her step-dad...to the point that she calls him Daddy.

And that was HER choice, not one that was inflicted on her.  She knows she has her "real" dad and her step dad...she isn't stupid...she considers herself lucky to have two daddies.  So do I.