REALLY Mad, but even more scared

[rayderfan]

I have been divorced for about three years now and I remember when I was going through it, I told Dawn (my ex) that I would drop the custody fight if she would sign in the decree that she would never leave the area and take Mickayla (my daughter) away.  That never happened and guess what she is planning on doing in June.  I live in Des Moines, Iowa and she is planning on moving to Ohio.  I got myself a lawyer and filed for custody.  Our pretrial conference is scheduled for April 30.  I guess I am just looking for every abailable suggestion and piece of advice that I can get my hands on because I am scared to death that I am going to lose this and my visitation schedule (6 days out of every 14) will be shattered.  I also read something about getting a temporary restraining order to prevent her from taking Mic out of the state.  I know that Iowa would let her go at any time if she wants to. (why the hell do we even bother with the divorce decree if it doesn't hold any water anyway?)  Does anyone know if this would be a good idea or even possible?  

Any help and/or information is greatly appreciated.  I just feel like I need to do more and I don't know what that would be.

Thank You
Gregg

[patton]

Just my opinion of course, BUT if it states in the divorce decree she cannot move the child out of the state, I'd say you have a very good case.  Of course the ex can move.  

Sounds like you have a good case to gain custody if she does move.  

Do you have an attorney?  I would think since she has told you she is moving you can get a restraining order to NOT move the child.

I would definately file  the RO before she moves out of state.

Good luck

[Peanutsdad]

What you are going to need to prove,, is that the move will be detrimental to your childs relationship with you. You may need further to prove that the move isnt going to accomplish anything that couldnt be accomplished where your ex currently is,, ie, same jobs, opportunities.


Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/missed-visit.htm

Suggestions When Falsely Accused
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/falseacc1.htm

Dealing With Threats Of False Allegations
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/blackmail.htm



One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is definitely better.

[bluesman]

Gregg,

Interestingly enough, I'm from Des Moines, now living in CA and my wonderful ex was just successful in moving with my three small children from here in CA to Cedar Rapids. I now see them 9% of the time.

Here are some basic things you should do.

Make sure your attorney is the best damn attorney you can afford. He/she should have as much experience as possible in family law. If you aren't confident in your attorney, get another one. I don't care how much it costs. Expensive doesn't ensure a good attorney, but inexpensive usually does ensure a mediocre attorney.

Don't ever agree to anything in which you must count on your ex doing something out of the kindness of her heart. I did this and it might have cost me my children. For example, I agreed to a visitation schedule that I really wasn't happy with (not enough time) and hoped that after awhile my ex would not be as angry and then I'd be able to get more time with the kids. That was at the advice of my attorney. I fired that attorney.

Do as much research as you can about the laws in IA. I was just there last month and there's a lot of activity right now in the legislature about custody. The Register ran several articles the week I was there. Help your attorney help you. In my case, I did a LOT of the 'grunt' work. Research, writing, etc. and he added his 30 years of experience.

I had a great attorney but I got him too late to change the tide. I stuck with a bad attorney for too long because I was afraid to switch after things started. My new attorney, as good as he was, was not able to overcome the mistakes that had been made before he was involved. Point is, fight like hell. I don't know if she has the advantage but the chances are, she does. You need to fight like she does have the advantage. The court will not afford you any favors or slack.

Good luck.

j

[Kitty C.]

Here's a link you might want to check out.  If you are uncertain whether your atty. will fight hard enough for you, Mark might be able to line you up with one that will in the DSM area.

http://www.cnbp.info/

Also, the TRO against your daughter moving is the right thing to do, especially if you've got no move-aways in the original order.  Mind you, there's NOTHING stopping your ex from moving.  She can move whereever and whenever she wants.  It's your CHILD who cannot move at will. not without JOINT agreement of the parents.

Because it is in your original order, I think you have a good shot at this.  BTW, I'm due east of you by about 120 miles........

[tjraid18]

 I'm really glad I read this post. theres good information that I could keep in mind to help with my situation. It's hard for me to think of any advice on this one because just the thought of my ex leaving the state with my kids ..... is to tough. Just wanted to say good luck and go Raiders!!! Hopefully she wont move and you will continue to enjoy the 6 out of 14 with Mickayla. By the way-- I like that name. My daughters name is Brianna--- she'll be 8 May 26th

[rayderfan]

First of all, I just want to thank all of you for your information, time, and support.  It sounds like I'm not even close to being alone in this area.  I guess that helps a little, but it is ridiculously sad that this many of us are familiar with the situation.  There are some good links to get me started and I wanted to thank you for them.  

Also, just to clarify, in the original decree it is NOT stated that she can't move away with Mickayla.  I wanted that put in, but my lawyer obviously didn't think that was important.  He is fired.  I have a lot more confidence in my new lawyer, although I have only met with him once.  (A week after our first meeting he had a triple bypass, but he is back on the case now.)  And I hope a lawyer's fees DO directly correlate to their competence, because he is making a fortune off me.  
Wow, sorry.  I got off topic a little.  

I was wondering if anyone could guide me in the direction of a good site for viewing the current custody laws.  I must not be looking in the right place because I haven't really found much for current law.

Since there were no restrictions in the original decree, other than my visitation will be totally screwed, does she have the right to take Mickayla whenever she wants without a restraining order?

I don't know how much a difference it makes, but my ex is getting married in June and her new victim moved to Ohio for a higher paying job.  This is the reason for the move.  

Sorry I was kind of all over the map here  but there are so many questions that I have.  It's hard enough thinking about her moving away only one month from now, but what if there were something I could have done to prevent it but didn't know about it in time?  That would absolutely kill me.  

tjraid18:  Thanks for the Raider shout.  I love the Robert Gallery pick.  You wouldn't happen to know where he played, would you?...

Well, I have a lot of links to check out and God willing some answers to find.  Thanks to all of you again.  I can't express the appreciation with this keyboard (it doesn't cry).

[Kitty C.]

http://www.legis.state.ia.us/IACODE/2003SUPPLEMENT/XV.html

Under '598' you will find the statutes on custody and support.  Even tho there's nothing in you order that specifically states she cannot move with the child w/o agreement, her wanting to do so creates what's called a 'significant change of circumstance', what is required to file for modification.  This is 'significant' because for her to do so would 'significantly' impact your time with your daughter.

If you need any other info, just ask.  I can usually dig it up somewhere!

The Raiders couldn't have done any better!  I've seen Gallery play right across the street from where I work, at Kinnick Stadium!  He's a good old Iowa boy and making us proud!  Did you know he got a $15 MILLION sign-on bonus?  Got a feeling he will be back here to do some good deeds, just like Tim Dwight (Chargers) has been.  Go Hawkeyes!

[bluesman]

>her wanting to do so creates what's called a 'significant change
>of circumstance', what is required to file for modification.
>This is 'significant' because for her to do so would
>'significantly' impact your time with your daughter.
>

You need to research this thoroughly and talk to your attorney. I want to stress that I don't know what the code and case laws in Iowa say, but in CA, a significant change of circumstances is what's required for the court to even listen to a request for a change of custody (after an initial custody determination has been made). The burden is still on the non-custodial parent to prove that a change is necessary to prevent detriment to the child. Translated from legal-ease to English, this means the custodial parent (usually mom) can move to Tibet if she wants to. In CA, if you don't have sole physical or at the very least joint physical custody, you don't have @#*!.

I hope its different in Iowa. That's why its so important the you read case law and talk to your attorney.

j

[Sayluv]

Gregg...


I'm in CA also and I was just going, well still am going though, a custody issues with my sons father. I had no knowledge of anything on how/where to begin or  how to go about getting custody/support order started. I live in Solano County, not sure wher you are, but the courts have what they call a "facilitator"who has an office in the courthouse and he/she  can give you some advice and help you with what you should do next. It worked for me.  Good luck.......  Yvette