Going to court vs. taking her offer

[nosonew]

Our bm request DH "Give up all rights to child and she would return 100% of every dime he ever had to pay her for c.s." This was in writing, it also stated "IF you do not do this, I will ruin the relationship and/or make him a child only a mother could love".  When we went for custody, THIS WAS NOT ADMISSIBLE and the custody evaluator didn't give it ten seconds.  

So, yes, blackmail happens all the time, but unfortunately, you can't always use it!  I do wish you the best of luck, and really, only YOU can know the best decision for YOU and your kids!

[deb09]

Most judges will stay with the status quo.  

The status quo is NOT what is written in your custody order.  

The status quo right now is that the children spend 50% of their time with you!!!!

You even have proof of this (somewhat) from school records - Do the children take a bus from your house when they are there?

You can win at least a 50% time share if you take this to court for a new custody order.  Additionally - if your child support is based on the OLD custody order, you may see a reduction, not an increase for staying with this and fighting.  I can't tell from your post what they based the child support on.  Have your lawyer calculate child support based on a 50/50 arrangement.

Ask for everything and let her settle for half - you have a good case here as far as I see to stand and get what you want if you have the courage.  They will not really care about her past, but bring it out anyway to scare her and intimidate her.  (I know that sounds really crummy, but she is threatening you!)  

Don't give up yet - this is an opportunity for you to get in writing a good custody order and perhaps better the children's situation.  It is common to use intimidation tactics with some attorneys - don't fall for it!

Deb

[mango]

OK. If the kids are in your district, and you are doing 50/50 plan now and she is willing to sign for that. Then it might be a good idea to get that set-up in writing–leaving the support as is.  Because if you have writte nin the order "father is residential parent" you have upper hand at most things, and it will be harder for her to pull crap on you later. It's baby steps towards full custody for you someday in the future if needed.

I still wonder tho, about the child support. For now I would agree to the 50/50 your district, and let her have the support for now. Afterall, it might be cheaper then fighting. Later you could go back and re-evaluate the support order, in your favor. Go one step at a time. Just MO.'

So, good luck. I guess I would try to work it out.

[YahYah]

and tell her you want her to have every other weekend and you'll still pay her child support, and to put that in writing.

She sounds like she's thinking she has you by the balls, but she still sounds a little scared too.   This is for the best interests of the kids so the child support is the least of the matters at hand.  I agree, $900+ each month is TOO Much, but she thinks she has something to lose and I definitely agree with her.

I would tell her you will accept an offer that has the children living with you during the school weeks, and that you get every other weekend as well.  You split everything else.

If she says "no" right up until the hearing date, then you can agree to her minimal offer.  

I would definitely let her sweat this thing out, because she's got worries to deal with that you just don't.  45 days of "clean" makes a recovered addict NOT.  Right?

and trying to harangue you with the child support after all this, is atrocious.

After a year of paying her support while the kids live with you, you can go back for a modification to the support order.

We had to do this.  We had custody of my ss, over half the time, for over a year, and we still paid as if he lived with his mother full time.  It stunk, but she was all about the money.

I feel for you.

[lacunar]

Take the offer.  

Get it written up and submittedasa modification to the current CO.

If the kids have been thriving in the current arrangment, then leave it in place.

Dont worry about the support money.

[djwhite]

I am leaning towards taking her offer.  My attorney has written a proposal with stipulations that the support stays the same, and I get every other week visitation.  Sad thing about all this, when the ex was in rehab and not able to see the kids for a month, my daughter started behaving better.  Now the ex is back in the picture, and my daughter is getting the attitude, talking back, etc.  very similar to my ex.  Even though she is a teenager, she doesn't quite get that there is more to being a responsible parent than going to movies or shopping all the time.