Hi, I'm new here

[Dad in Ca]

Greets,

I'm a 48 year old dad with a 3 year old son in California, I have joint legal and physical custody (one week, one week off).

I just got served a motion by my ex-girlfriend, to modify our original agreement last friday; 5-28-04
Court date is June 21
I'm worried and had a consultation with a lawyer the same day.
I cannot afford the attorney, however I think I cannot afford to be without one on this matter.
She is asking for full physical custody, joint legal custody, every other weekend visitations for me, attorney fees and court costs, childcare costs (daycare?), and a lot of restrictions against me.

I'm a good father and have had 50/50 about one year.
I have good parenting skills, I just finished my BA in childhood education and start my single subject teacher's credential in the fall.

Great to be here :)

[Erika]

Did she put her reasonings why she wants this change, is there a change of circumstances listed. Also what restrictions is she asking for, has she accused you of abuse?!

A year is enough time I think to show 50/50 is established. I am doubtful a judge will change the status quo, unless she will use the abuse card. Has she given you any reason for this before you received the papers.

ie: groans of more CS, etc..

[Dad in Ca]

Actually, she doesn't get child support.
We used to make the same amount of money so it was a wash.
But now she has gotten a big raise, so I guess she would be paying me.

I pay half of everything that is communal; the daycare, medicine, that kind of stuff.

I still love the girl, but she is all about money, she had me sign for a new suv for her, just before she broke up with me.

[gas]

Welcome.  I am currently going the other direction, trying to get visitation increased of my 4 yr. old son to 50%.  Trust me, it's much more difficult to get increase later vs. what you got from the outset.  Did you ex agree to the 50/50 or did the court recommend this?  You definitely need an atty, don't even think about going solo.  If you have good documentation from past year demonstrating your parenting abilities you should be in good shape.  To get visitation decreased, she's got to have proof you've been a lousy Dad-and "circumstances have changed significantly from a year ago." What were your atty's thoughts?

[Dad in Ca]

She agreed to 50/50 when I first took her to court.
The judge was against it, something about no "custodial parent" or something. The judge we have for the modification is very pro 50/50

I have no documentation and while I am a good father, I am a terrible co-parent.  She has done some terrible things to me and I have treated her very bad in response; called her names, etc.
I regret it every day.

I have the best attorney in our town; he took one look at her papers and said he can beat it easily.
Something about she's missing required forms or something.

Costing $1500 which I don't have, but it's better than getting slaughtered; I couldn't imagine not having my son with me.

I'm wondering what are my chances of winning attorney and court fees

[gas]

Being a lousy co-parent doesn't offset being a great Dad.  She needs to demonstrate you've been a lousy Father to prevail (abuse, negligence, etc.)   Absent that I don't see how she has a case

Where do you live?  I wish I had that pro 50/50 judge....

Can relate with you on the money issue but can't put a price on not having my son....

Sounds like she had a pathetic atty in round 1.  Getting Dad to pay half on child care, pre-school is standard...been there

[speciallady]

and you have a private message~

[Dad in Ca]

Thanks you guys!

I'm feeling better already.
I'm just hoping I get to keep my kid :)

[Dad in Ca]

Hey Gas,

I'm in So Cal, I don't want to disclose the location in case my ex reads this.  She doesn't know I have an attorney and I want to keep it that way.

The first judge was so anti 50/50 it wasn't even funny.
She was wanting to get back with me after walking out unexpectantly one day.  She just called me at work and said she was leaving, packed up the house and took my kid with her.  Wacked me for child support immediately.
When she wanted to get back together, I told her only if we have a joint custody order, in case she got itchy feet again.
So we didn't have an attorney the first time, we just went in and agreed, the judge very reluctantly gave to us.  He wanted to give everything to the mom, so I know how you feel.
Good luck with your deal.
It aint easy.
I went through an entire 19 year child support thing already in San Diego.  Could never get any judge to even give me a second look.

Things have changed since then, so you have a much better shot than I did.
Wishin' you the best

[wendl]

Welcome,

I would probably argue that the child is 3 and has this schedule for over a year and it has been working out well. That you feel by changing the current order it would not be in the best interest of the child.

Hopefully they will stay with the status quo that you have already formed.

How did the consult with the atty go.
:)