Ex Wife's Suspected Drug Use

[FlusteredInKy]

I am involved in a very bad divorce involving many allegations from my ex-wife.  Up until now, I have been in court constantly disproving those allegations and along the way the custody has stayed the same.  I have a 4 year old son with whom I have joint equal custody.  I never had an attacker mentality as she has had.  I basically just proved that I was a good father and left all of her bad traits alone.  I don't want my son to be without a mother, so I was happy that he can spend equal time between us.  Recently, I got a disturbing phone call from an ex-boyfriend of my ex-wife, who apparently was not happy with their relationship.  He went on to tell me that he viewed my ex buying and using drugs and also that this activity was happening around my son.  He even named a few names and locations and the extent of the drug use and clarified that the reason that he was telling me was that he liked my son and thought that he should not be subject to such activity.  I am not sure that I believe him, considering the circumstances of their relationship, but nonetheless I am concerned.  

    What steps should I take?  Should I wait to see I can find any truth in his story or set the ball rolling by contacting the authorities, social services, etc.   The only thing that bothers me is that last week we just wrapped up on the final divorce hearing.  What sort of things can I do considering that the divorce is final now.  Can I have her take a drug test?

[Kitty C.]

Nope, get her nailed for felony drug possession!  If this guy can give you names and places, he can give it to the cops as well!  Would he be willing to tell LE exactly what he told you?  And what kind of drugs are we talking about here?  Many states (including mine) are having some serious meth problems, so they are going after them as hard as they can.  If she's using meth, there's a stronger likelihood that they will hit harder, since it generates scummier characters and a child is involved.

Get her nailed and hauled to jail, then request an ex parte hearing for emergency custody.  Then when you go back later to finalize (given that she's gonna try to get custody back), you'll have her criminal record to use against her.  And depending on what she gets busted for and what your state laws are in regards to punishment, you could easily have 'temp.' custody long enough that the judge will want to maintain status quo, too.

As for drug testing, it's damn slim that you'd be able to get drug testing court-ordered, but every jurisdiction is different.  One thing to ask if you do is that BOTH of you submit to it.  But make DAMN sure that there are severe repercussions if she fails to get tested.  Like she forfeits custody if she either refuses to test or comes up dirty.

[FlusteredInKy]

This is what I am iffy about.  Although he was more than happy to supply the information to me, the fact that he knows the information, compounded with the reputation that follows him, makes me believe that he will be apprehensive about supplying such information to the police.  I guess it could not hurt to ask him to contact the proper authorities, but what would they do with his information.  Would they just put it in some file somewhere or actually follow up on it?

[Peanutsdad]

Without credible evidense, it's more likely the police will listen, and promptly forget it after the phone is hung up, or after they leave.

Most pd's are so overwhelmed, they are not going to spend resources to investigate a user,, they want DEALERS. Now,, if they follow up dealer info,, and your ex happens to be making  a buy,, done deal.


Your best bet in this situation, is hire a PI to have her monitored. Make sure he is bonded and has a decent rep in the event he has to testify. Be ready to pony up between 5k-10k for this type of investigation.

[Kitty C.]

A lot depends on your jurisdiction and how big a problem drugs are in your area.  I happen to live in a county that has a major meth pipeline running thru it.  It's also a rural county, allowing LE to devote more time to the problem.  What they do with the info is a crap shoot, but if this guy has info and is willing to part with it (maybe he already has a history with LE and they would know his info on dealers could be credible?), they could act on it in various ways.

It sounds like this guy does have a conscious, and I don't think that he' offer the info to you without realizing that he could possibly have to give it to authorities as well.  A child is involved and that's all he cares about.

PD's advice of using a PI is good also, but like I said, a lot will depend on your jurisdiction and how well you know how local LE will act and react.  It's been my opinion that the smaller (more rural) the jurisdiction, they more time they would have to give to the situation.  If you know any local cops, ask some general questions on how they're handling drug cases, how many they're getting, and how hard they are pursuing it.  That will tell you a LOT.

[imajerseygirl]

I am a very suspicious person by nature, and that's exactly waht I would do, without hesitation.  Get a Private Investigator to follow her around and find out what she's doing.  You HAVE TO find out, for your son's sake.  My God, what is this world coming to when a mother does drugs in front of her son.

That makes my stomach turn.  Good luck..I hope you can find out what is going on for your son's sake.

Cathy