VERY weird situation...need advice quickly

[kittensbaby]

Hi,
I am new here. I have been looking for somewhere to get advice but I am new to this, I'm hoping someone can help. I'll tell you the background of the situation, hopefully I can make it short and understandable, but I tend to be wordy.

My BF (we live together) has a step-son, almost 12. He was married to his mom for 8 years, and around for some time before that. The birth fathers rights were terminated some time ago and I believe he has really never had contact with him. So basically my BF is the only father he knows.

Last summer, my BF and I were seeing each other. Both of us were still living with our spouses, but both of our spouses knew that we were together and that we were leaving. I only tell you this because it does have some bearing on the situation.

In February, my BF's wife committed suicide. At the time we believed it was because of what we did but many things have come to light that nobody knew about, legal/major money/mental health problems. While we'll never know exactly why she did it, there was way more than anybody realized.

Following her death, the original plan was to have the son live with his maternal grandmother until the end of the school year then live with and be adopted by his maternal aunt and uncle. There were some problems from the beginning. The aunt had never wanted kids and when a problem arose with the child she very quickly decided that she basically needed more time to work things out before the adoption would happen. Honestly, although I admit I don't know her, she seemed more interested in the child's social security check than in raising him.  

My BF went to them and told them (the aunt & uncle) that he wanted custody of his son. Not much was said. Shortly after, he got a letter from a lawyer saying there would be a hearing for temporary custody, being sought by the maternal grandmother. The aunt & uncle were, I guess, now out of the picture as far as custody was concerned.

We were not able to afford a lawyer and legal aid said he made too much money. He went to that hearing alone. I was not there but from what he told me they (maternal relatives) told a bunch of lies. The judge didn't really want to hear anything BF had to say. Grandmother got temporary custody.

She had been turning off her answering machine, not answering calls, etc. to keep BF from talking to his son, the judge said she had to stop that. BF has been calling daily, leaving messages. One day Grandmother happened to be outside and he got to talk to his son. His son is in therapy, which his Grandmother takes him to. She also goes into his sessions with him. My BF has talked to his therapist and she mentioned something that the Grandmother had LIED about to her. So who knows what this therapist has been lied to about? I feel she is not at all neutral and they are relying on her opinion for custody.

Over the weekend, BF got notice of another hearing. This one, as far as I can tell, is for permanent custody. We still cannot afford a lawyer. The hearing is Wednesday.

I want to mention that we did have his son for weekends a few times, before the custody issues. We sat down and talked with him about a lot of stuff , mainly to see if he REALLY wanted to be here, with us. He said he did. He said that he doesn't blame us for his mother's death, that she was sick. I have 2 daughters, so he'd have other kids around, he's always been an only child. I have a degree in Early Childhood Education and have worked with children a lot. He has ADHD and I have knowledge of how to handle that. I am a stay-at-home mom, where with his Grandmother he goes to the YMCA every day.

I guess I'll just ask the questions I want answered most:

1. Can we postpone the hearing somehow? Maybe buy some time to figure out what to do?


2. Is it possible to request a neutral therapist? One that he could talk to alone, without the Grandmother adding lies?

3. What are step-parents rights if the BM is deceased and the BF has had his rights terminated?

Any advice is appreciated. Please, no dwelling on the not-so-nice background. In my case, my STBX was seeing other people too while I lived there, so it's not even an issue.

[jilly]

You may want to post this on Socrateaser's board. He can help you with the legal aspects.
There is no such thing as stepparents rights. At least nothing I'm aware of. Since your BF has no biological connection to the child the BM family will most likley get custody. But, since he has been a part of the child's life and the only father he's ever known it could go in his favor. You just never know what a judge will do.
You can always file for a continuance. That will buy you some time to figure out your finances and get an attorney. Trust me...you're going to need one in this situation.
I would think you would be able to request another therapist see the child without Grandmother's intereference. However, this is something you should discuss with an attorney.
Good luck!

[DeeDee]

First off, what state are you in?

Also, since a bioparent died, someone should have applied for guardianship in probate court.  Typically probate court is a higher court than family court and that is the court that should be making a ruling right now.

Did the bioparent leave a will?  Did the parent will guardianship of her child to anyone?

Typically a state will have specific step-parent adoption laws. (you need to research them for your state.  Your boyfriend can still apply for stepparent adoption.

Does your state have "grandparents rights" laws on the books?

1. you can request a continuance at the hearing, you can also file a request for visitation until permanent custody is determined.

2. You can request a GAL (guardian ad litem) for said child. You can also request that the GAL present a list of therapists which all parties involved in the future of the child to agree upon. You can also request to the court that your boyfriend be a part of the therapy process involving both conjoint counseling with said child (grandmother and child, AND stepfather and child, and all together, as well as individual sessions for the child with neither grandmother or stepfather present).

3. A stepparent typically have no rights, however if there was a will leaving guardianship to a stepparent, or any paperwork with a stepparent adoption pending it will help your boyfriends cause.  Also with the biofather's rights terminated, your boyfriend is probably still able to file for stepparent adoption depending on which state you reside in.

[Lawmoe]

1. Can we postpone the hearing somehow? Maybe buy some time to figure out what to do?

It is possible.  However, you must have a timeline for how long is needed and why. If you cannot reach an agreement with the oposing party to continue the hearing, you must fie a motion in that regard.  You must, however, be as prepared as possible when you go to Court in case the continuance is not granted.  You should be asking for an evidentiary hearing on the issue of permanent custody and a custody evaluation as part of that hearing.

2. Is it possible to request a neutral therapist? One that he could talk to alone, without the Grandmother adding lies?

Not likely. The child has been seeing the same therapist for some time and it would be upsetting to remove the child from that environment.  He can request that he be allowed, at the therapist's discretion, participate in that therapy.

3. What are step-parents rights if the BM is deceased and the BF has had his rights terminated?

The step parent's rights are limited.  He has acted a s a parent for many years and, as such, likely has a basis to seek custody just as the mother's relatives do.  His rights are no greateer and would be based on what is in the child's best interests.