A few questions from Virginia

[lookinnomore]

I was divorced years ago, from a dead beat abusive man.  I received a college degree and worked for years.  I didn't quit working until his x dropped their kids off on our door step on mothers day weekend 5 years ago.  It seemed impossible to pay for child care for 5 kids when no one was paying child support to us!  I was a single working mother for years before I moved in here.  I view this as a second chance at a family.  My kids don't want him to be a daddy, as much as the dead beat doesn't pay child support, my girls see their father as often as they want! You do an awful lot of assuming, and we all know what that makes you!

I am not surprised that you have been married and divorced and all alone now.  I am sure your kids see you for the sick-o that you are. A fiance, is that your way of saying he isn't ready to get married.  Stand tall baby, marriage is only a piece of paper.  As for the troublesome biomom, I am sure when she gets a load of you his problems with biomom will only get WORSE.

Find another board! YOUR hated here, GO AWAY!

[MYSONSDAD]

What I do have is a photographic memory. Dumbo had the same sarcasim and negative attitude. Along with your little clown icon.

What matters is the integrity of these boards. What conflict we have has nothing to do with why people come here. You are delibertly trying to attack members here and chase away new comers. This is wrong no matter how you slice it.

Everyone has a difference of opinon. But doing it in a sarcastic, nasty, way will not benefit anyone.

If your purpose here is to destroy the integrity of Sparc and it's purpose, you will be the one sadly mistaken. Won't happen.

And if you think we are hiding behind 'Childrens Rights', you could not be further from the truth.

The entire purpose of these boards is the Children.

Some people just don't 'get it'  

I won't be replacing any one in a psych ward, too strong for that and my child is my first priority.

You, one the other hand, must have been thru quite an ordeal to have so much bitterness wrapped up inside...

[FleetingMoment]

Wow, you are bitter.  Impossible to pay child care for 5 kids when "no one was paying child support to you two?" Welcome to reality. Welcome to a world where billions of custodial parents live, work, and survive without child support. How can that be when he had to pay for 2 and you had to pay for 3? Doesn't make sense for you to give up your job security to save money on his child care...  5 kids, 5 years later. Hasn't the daycare cost gone down enough for you yet to return to work and earn the 1500 you now need for court evaluations, or worse yet, to help pay her child support once again. Or is that what is bugging you out. That you might possibly lose your SAHM status. Jeeze Loueeze. The poor man can't keep supporting the whole lot of you forever.

Second chance at a family? I'm not understanding this in this least. You mean to say your children had no first chance as a family, with just yourself raising them? Were you all four such an intact family without a man to warm the sheets? What makes a family complete? It's apparent your children don't see your views for a second chance as family or his own kids as anything but taking away from themselves. They want their own father. But too bad, heh, kids?

Hate to pop your bubble, truly, I do. But, I'm neither alone or lonely, in the least. I have wonderful, intelligent, healthy, loving children. A fiance who, like myself, remains financially independent and supportive of his own lot, and would never dream of mooching off myself.

The problems with the biomom have nothing to do with me :) It's the petty, petty little nuances that she and my fiance bicker over. The biomom and myself are in fact, the best of friends, as she knows I'm not neither a leech nor a provider for my fiance. She calls me often for help... and she gets it :)

As for my own ex? Just like yours, sweetie. A dramatic deadbeat.

A marriage license is just a piece of paper, yes I know. It's not that you don't want more children. It's that you have five children living in your household who are likely going to grow up producing children out of wedlock, and believing its ok. They're not my morals :(

[Kitty C.]

'It's that you have five children living in your household who are likely going to grow up producing children out of wedlock, and believing its ok. They're not my morals....'
 
You cracked me up on that one!  REALLY!!!!!!  You can sit there on YOUR pedestal, with your broken marriage and children who've suffered thru a divorce, and say they're not YOUR morals????  What a hoot!!!!!!

This would be downright hilarious.....if it weren't so sad, for the fact that you are so delusional as to believe everything you say is gospel.........

[lookinnomore]

You are so dumb, I have never paid child support for my children they have always lived with me.  Which side are you on here dumb ass, when you thought I was supporting him and his kids, that was bad, now your on the other side upset he is supporting me and mine!  We think its better to have someone at home for these 5 children to come home to after school than to come home alone as teenagers and get into who knows what.  I think you don't know if you are coming or going.  I think your here to argue no matter what the problem is, you take the defensive.  Not worried to pay the 1500 for the evaluation if someone thinks it will be worth it stupid.  Was looking for advice from someone elses experience doing it.  I dont' think you understand what this board is for.  I think your aggressive and argumentative and thats it.  

I doesn't surprise me that you don't understand anything.  If I need to explain it, I am wasting my time so I won't bother.  Kids who are raised by two parents even if they aren't biological, they tend to turn out to be strong adults.  I already told you my kids see the dead beat as often as they choose.  You are appearing more and more stupid everytime you speak.

For the record, none of these 5 children in my house were born out of wedlock.  

Enjoy your life you are crazy bitter and DUMB!  This is my last response to you, if the people on this board were smart they would stop responding to you as well! YOU NEED HELP serious HELP

[FleetingMoment]

Or a figment of your imagination? Not my clown icon. It's a beneficial courtesy of SPARC's smilie table. When a smilie fits, use it.

I have not once attacked the integrity of this board. Nor do I intend to. It's a fantastic site, I know quite a bit about its history and its founder. I  still have quite a bit of exploring to do. Some answers I may be looking for are in Custody, others in Father's Rights, still others in Stepfamilies.

Blunt and straightforward are not sarcasm, nor nasty. There's a tendency for others to get defensive when others tell them what they think or see straight up and out.

What I see here so far is an unusally high number of posters ragging on the "mental status" of their ex spouses.  I don't get it. How could all these spouses be so obviously nuts, yet, no one saw it coming when they married them or had children with them?

You've got cases of parents who gave up their children when they were very young. Parents who needed to grow up, parents who felt pressured to give custody to the other for financial reasons, parents who were once stay at home parents and victims of DV and spouses that controlled everything including finances. Now that they're free of all these obstacles and can very well share in the parenting and future of their children... why shouldn't they be able to. If and when the courts confirm through evaluations of all sorts, that these once estranged parents should now have at least shared custody of the children... it appears that most of the custodial parents become selfish. No way! they say.

You've got cases of parents who are "supposed" to share decision-making. Pooh pah, they tell themselves. If I want to take my kid to a counselor, I'm gonna. If I want to get them braces I'm gonna. If I want to enroll them in every which what sport or activity they want despite the fact that it interferes with his/her parenting time, I'm gonna. Then I'm gonna complain that their father/mother refuses to participate.

I read things like these, and yes, you're right I do want to smack them upside the head. Wake up! This is truly hurting the children. Of course smacking the air isn't going to work. There is no way to speak the truth without sounding harsh.

You know what? I don't believe you belong in a psycho ward any more than I do. But I can understand your defensiveness. Just rest assured, my intentions are not to destroy the integrity of SPARC. No way, no how.

[Kitty C.]

'#3133, "RE: A Little Input"
In response to In response to 0


           Yep. Leave out discussion boards such as these. Too many internet trolls that bounce in and out of SPARC, Divorcesource and Divorcenet with nothing better to do. If your site proves worthwhile, you can bet they will destroy its credibility in zero download time flat.

Every Moment Counts. Don't Let it Get Away.

 
~~~~~~~~~~~~

The thing is, what you consider blunt and straightforward is being viewed by everyone responding to you as sarcastic and nasty.  Even I would have a clue by the first few responses.  If I thought I was being 'blunt', but someone took offense to it, obviously I didn't say with the intentions I meant, and I have to change my 'style', so as not to offend anyone.  Offending one or two is one thing, but if EVERY response to my posts were antagonistic, it's time for me to look in the mirror.   There ARE ways of getting even a conflicting point across without pissing everyone off.  I suggest you find it.  You may very well have valid points, but I (for one) wouldn't give you the time of day on them.  Not combined with the 'holier than thou' attitude you deliver with it right now.

Yes the truth does hurt.  That may not be how you want to be perceived, but that's certainly how you are portraying yourself.  And  throwing out your credibility along with it.  So if you still want to make your point, I suggest you do it in a way that won't offend EVERYONE (there will always be those few who you can never please).

[joni]

FM, I have a problem with people who are rude, disrespectful, malicious and vindictive and hide behind the guise of "honesty" to rationalize their actions.  "I was just being honest" is as lame as "don't take it personally, it's just business".  

There are better ways to present the other side of the fence without being disrespectful about it.  There's nothing wrong with presenting an unpopular opinion, I've done it more than once.  

FM, take a moment and read all of your posts on this board and you'd have to admit that you often drew first blood and didn't act with the least bit of integrity.  Ergo, you've tainted yourself.....your righteous self.

[FleetingMoment]

I can't believe you would get yourself into a tizzy over that comment. I meant exactly what I said.  If one can have an informative site going that's aiming to be successful, discussion forums should be left out.  

Instead the site owner should have a selection of different people, volunteers perhaps, professionals preferred, with a lot expertise in specific areas. Questions and pleas for assistance can be answered by them through email.

Discussion forums are often full of well meaning people either giving the wrong advice or looking at it from their own side as either the CP or NCP. Bad enough to deal with that (as you have expressed to me already), then to have to deal with trolls.

Because I speak against trolls, make me a troll? Well, whatever. Like you said I can't please everyone, but again, I'm not here to please anyone.

[FleetingMoment]

>
>FM, I have a problem with people who are rude, disrespectful,
>malicious and vindictive and hide behind the guise of
>"honesty" to rationalize their actions.  "I was just being
>honest" is as lame as "don't take it personally, it's just
>business".  

I posted to only three individuals. One was a valid suggestion. The other two I felt had a bit more to their story than what they were saying. Sometimes something provocative will bring out the be(a)st in them, and along with it true motives and stories.

Rude? Maybe. Depends on the reader. Disrepectful? If someone doesn't deserve respect or sympathy, why be a hypocrite about it. Malicious?  Vindictive? Not from me. Disgusted is a better choice. To me, Jerry painted a picture of himself as a man who fathered three different children with three different mothers. Yet he's the perfect father. I predict it won't be long before he has  a probem with his third child. He really should have that vasectomy.

The lady from Virginia portrayed herself as type who's fine and dandy with her live-in taking care of her, until the threat of money came along. Is this about his kids or is this about money? She's entirely capable of earning wages and pitching in now. She has her college degree, all the kids are five years older now. Instead she's wondering how "they" could get through a custody battle on the cheap.

Will someone at least repeat to her, there are no cheap custody battles??!?!? That they have two choices now. For her to get a job and supplement the household while he fights the custody challenges... "or" ... give the mother of the children the benefit of the doubt and let her the boys. But don't complain.