One more thing.

[pegasus1338]

Ok, I didn't mention in my previous post, but when DH was home for R&R in August we got pregnant! Yay! Anyway, when BM found out she congratulated me and seemed excited for us, etc. She said to let her know when we knew the sex of the baby and all.

Well, SD told me that she wants to go with me when we find out the sex of the baby. I should be able to make the appt. late enough so I could go get SD, take her with me, and then back home all without her missing any school. She wouldn't even be later that 6p.m. back at home. Anyway, I called a few weeks ago to ask BM for a favor. I asked if I could do exactly what I explained above. She didn't say anything for like 3 seconds. She said, it depends... waited a few more seconds, on how early she would have to leave school. I explained again that she wouldn't have to miss any school and if she did then I wouldn't have mentioned it. Well, she didn't really say much else about it, so I just told her that when I had a definate date then I would get back to her. She just said ok.

Well, this really irritates me. My DH is in Iraq. We hare trying to hard to involve SD in all this as we can. What harm would come in SD going with me. This baby is just as much her sibling as the one her BM and Step-dad had a little over a year ago. Anyway, this frustrates me to no end. And I know I HAVE to be nice right now, but if she doesn't let her go. I will have to say something. I find out the date of the sonogram on Wed. Any suggestions on what to say, how to ask or even how to defend if need be? Sorry for all the questions. It is hard being Daddy and step-mom at the same time w/o stepping over the line. THe line that BM actually told me didn't exist for me, but I still see one ya know.

Oh yeah also, I just thought of this one. What if BM tries to talk me out of going to the Dr. appt again when I call to make final arrangements to meet them. AHHH someone shut me up or turn off my brain from thinking. Deep breath. Anyway. thanks again in advance!

[shawneetears]

Peg,

Congratulations!!  You are certainly in a tight spot and yes, you do HAVE to be nice in this situation.  You will have to take the situation with the doctor as it comes but make sure you are relaying all of this to your DH; even in Iraq he is her father and needs to be kept up to date.  This might be worth a quick consult with an attorney and find out what if any rights you have in your husband's abscence.  He/She may know something more but from what I can tell BM is holding all the cards at present.  You can clarify this with the Dr as well, find out if, since your husband is deployed and you are standing en loco parentus (in lie of the parent) for him, if you can get medical info regarding your SD.  The doctor may require a power of attorney from your DH just so he can cover him/her-self.
As for your SD coming to the sonogram....just hang tight till you have the date and time of the appointment, then you can approach BM again with plans already in place.  I would not mention it to SD so if BM backs out she won't be dissappointed.  If BM simply won't agree, then get the sonographer to give you a few snapshots of the baby....at least one for you and your DH and one to give to SD, she will feel a part of things even though she could not go to the actual appointment and BM can't really object to that.
Maybe you can consider giving BM a gift for christmas....an air purifyer for SD's room....  I would say  some pictures of lungs damaged by smoking but that would be a bit antagonistic (yeah I am a non smoker...lol)
Good luck!
wish you all the best life has to offer!  :)