Custody pre-trial tomorrow

[jgg]

Well tommorrow I go off to court to hopefully  a 2 year old nightmare.

I left my ex in September of 2002. She was having mental problems which she was getting worse instead of better. I planned on leaving her with my year old son. (she also had a 4 year old from a previous which lived with us) When I tried to leave she called the police and said I assaulted her. In that trial she was awarded joint custody with physical to her and joint legal.

During the time I had visitations, I noticed my child was not wearing any new clothes. The clothes he was wearing were old and soiled. He showed up with frequest rashes and sometimes with curdeled milk in his bottle. I called my lawyer in March to discus a custody change based on her mental state as well as her inability to support my child.

In April of that year I received a phone call from DSS stating there was a 51A filled and they were investigating abuse and neglect by my ex and they had some concerns regarding her capabilities. I formally filed a motion for change of custody.

In July while awaiting my court date, and during my visitation weekend, I received a call from her cousing stating that she had a mental breakdown and threatened to kill herself and her other son. She said she would be driving her to the hospital to have her admitted. At the hospital it was determined she needed more psych care than that place could offer and transfered her to a mental hospital for psych intervention. She was diagnosed being bi-polar with the possibilty of being schitzophenic

A week later I got a change of custody with I having physical and legal. The also put 2 GAL's on the case one for the minor child and one for the case.

Upon her release 10 days later she wanted the child back, which I declined. She was also ordered to pay child support which she did infrequently to the point of being $3k in arrears. She then filed SSI disability for her "illness"...when asked she stated privialged information.

The court in October granted her daytime visits only one day a week.
She cancelled the majority of the visits she only saw him 5 times from October through January 11th.

We tried to contact her numerous times about seeing her child, all contact went unanswered until April when we received a letter stating she was too "ill" to see the child, that she was under medication and her doctor would inform us when it would be ok to resume visits.

About 2 months after that we received a note from my ex saying shes better that it is ok to resume. We asked for the doctors note, she refused and filed a contempt motion, which the court ordered her 3 supervised visits before she resumed her normal visitations.

During this time the 2 GALS recomendations were full custody legal and physical to me. The guardian for my child recomended daytime visits only, the GAL for the case recomended an overnight every two weeks.

She recently fired her attorney who was siding with us and got a new attorney who wants overnights as a basis to regain custody, her attorney stated that her client does have a mental problem but is taking medication and is ok. She has also said the DSS workers where not competent, and the GAL for the case does not have the creditials to make a custody determination.

Recently during the 5 hour visitation she does not feed my son nor changes his diaper. During one visit she stated to my child (now almost 3) "if your father wants to falsly accuse me of keeping you in a pis**y diaper wait till he sees what I acuse him of" and another time she gave my son a box of uncooked macaroni and cheese and told my son, "at least I feed you, make sure you eat it on the way home"


Right now I have had him in my custody for 17 months, I have since married to a wonderful woman who has a son nearly the same age as my own. He attends school with his step-brother and they are like two peas in a pod.

 I have reams of e-mails from the cousin, her ex-husband of the child she threatened, and many irrational e-mails from the mother. We have a detailed log book regarding each visits. We have also filed a motion to have the psych records to be viewed by the judge "in camera"

I hope by the good graces of god he can elighten the judge to see that this woman has serious issues that is causing a danger to my child by the neglect and the state of her mental illness.

Please wish me luck!





 

[Bolivar]

What a story.  Your children are lucky that you are stable and a good dad.  

It is unfortunate that our legal system is broken.  If the roles were reversed and mom was stable and dad was mentally ill your case would be much different.  Dad wouldn't have a chance in hell.

Hug your children everyday, I'm sure both of you need it. :-)

[jgg]

Thanks for your words of encouragement.

I think I have a pretty good case, but it a shame that his mother cant see that not visiting the child and when she does basically not tending to his needs equals not really being a mother at all....

The worst part of this all is the wait...last night I held my son for the longest time from just the worry of it all...

[jgg]

Well I got out of there with good news...i think...
The bad news is the judge did not rule on my custody case...she called another pretrial in April.

The good news is the judge told opposing counsel that the court is refusing to remove my child from my custody no matter how better she is or how much supporting evidence to prove she is better. The judge stated that too much time has elapsed and he is in a stable home.

The judge did agree to allow her medical records to be released, and she called for another pretrial in April so both parties can talk and come up with a reasonable solution....unfortunatly her attorney is pretty determined to go to trail even though the judge told this attorney that she will lose and her client will be obligated to pay tens of thousands of dollars worth of legal fees from not only her services but the services of my attorney...it didn't seem to bug this lawyer.

So I guess I can rest easy knowing he is going to be safe with me...it is sad that my ex is going to have to foot a HUGE legal bill if it goes to trial

[futurestep-mom_AZ]

Congrats I love hearing when the sysytem works and the best interests of the child are served!!!!!

Extra hugs to the kids and kudos to you for stepping up and being the dad that they need!

[Lawmoe]

Unfortunately, you have expectations that are unrealistic for a pretrial hearing. the issues you raise are relevant. However, you will not be able to present them to a Judge in total unless and until there is a trial.

Settlement or pretrial conferences are schedule by the Court in nesrly every case.  In such conferences, the Court may require each party to submit a pretrial statement of the case and issues.  In such hearings, the Judge will meet with the lawyers and/or parties to discuss the issues and to make settlement recommendations.  This is a gentle form of arm twisting to :

1.       Try to resolve outstanding issues; or

2.       Set issues that will be contested at trial and may include timelines for exchanging information, exhibits and witness lists.  

If you cannot resolve the issues, the Judge does not enter any orders or hear evidence. Instead, the matter is set for trial.

TRIAL

If you are unable to settle your case with your spouse, it will go to trial.  Some states have a trial by jury.  Other states have a trail to  Judge.  At trial you each tell your story to the judge. It is told through your testimony, the testimony of other witnesses, and documents called exhibits. st trial, the moving party (usually called the petitioner or plaintiff) presents their case first. The call their witnesses who are subject to cross-examination by the opposing party. When the plaintiff or petitioner rests their case, the Respondent or Defendant presents their own case with witnesses and evidence, each subject to cross examination by the opposing party.

[jgg]

Thanks for the info,
However, I think the judge who is at the pre-trial was not too happy with the opposing counsel and their attempt to move this to trial. I think the judge did everything short of ruling on this...and I think the judge may try to close this at the next pre-trial.

The opposing counsels case that was mentioned before the judge was:
1. My ex did go into a mental institituion for a mental episode, but with constant psychological care and medications she is better now.
2. My ex had bad counsel when I obtained custody and my ex's attorney said she was railroaded by her former attorney...the judge dismissed this as being pure nonsense.
3. The child cannot be florishing in my home due to not having nuturing contact with his mother, again the judge said that widowed parents as well as adopted kids thrive just as well with one or both bio parents not involved...in other words nonsense.
The ex's witness list has 3 people, no documentation other than a doctors not stating if she maintains his care she could be a functional person.

The judge in the case did everything but plead with opposing counsel to drop this and basically gave a "timeout" to come to solution, which her attorney refused to talk us

Based on all this, my attorney is going to ask for closure on this due to a lack of a case and the foolishness of tying up the courts time with a custody hearing opposing counsels cannot win. (which the judge told opposing counsel 3 times during the last pre-trial) and opposing counsels refusal to discuss the matter as ordered.

It would seem is it went to trial and the judge told her she would be paying BOTH attorney's fees if (when) she loses...I don't have much to worry about

[Lawmoe]

A Judge cannot close things at a pretrial. they can bring pressure to settle, but eveyone is entitled to their day in Court. That means a trial.

It sounds like you have a good case.

[T0052SC]

good luck.  keep up the work