I have noticed that some don't like it when I don't want SM watching the kids

[ksmomof2girls]

when they are out of school and I'm available to spend time with them.

I'm a NCM and for medical reasons from May to Now, I haven't been able to work.  My X knows this.  

Most of the time our girls are out of school for inservices that fall around my "agreed upon" parenting time.  X has refused me most of the time to let us spend more time together on those days.

On Monday January 3rd, we agreed on set parenting times, and a parenting plan. In that parenting plan I get FROR when our girls are out of school and X isn't going to be home.  

This past week, we had a major Ice storm come through our state.  The girls' school district cancelled school for Wed, Thurs and Fri.  I was scheduled to have surgery on my shoulder on Wed, but it was postponed until this week because of the weather.

I called our girls to let them know it was cancelled for that day, and to see how they were doing.  When I called they had lost power.  I didn't loose power at all. ( There are still people without power and they are saying that it will be Wed or Thurs before everyone gets power back on.)

Knowing that SM told my X that my surgery was cancelled or that the girls did, I think that I should have had FROR to keep them on Thurs and Friday since they were out of school. (Judge had ruled on the FROR.....he ruled that either parent would get FROR if the parent was not going to be with the children the length of 8 hrs or longer. Mainly a school day.)

Put yourself in the same situation.  You were the NCP....either M or F....

and you were off of work, or was able to take off of work. Even though a SP would be at home, wouldn't you rather get the chance to spend time with your child(ren) then have the SP with whom the child spends more than half their time with?

I don't have a problem with our girls staying with their SM when I'm not available to spend extra time with them when they are out of school.

I.e. new job, or just can't take off from work.

But since I am able, I should get priority over the SM.

Like I told my attorney that day in court, " If I had the girls and they were out of school, and my SO was home, but I knew that my X was off of work, or was willing to take off of from work, I would let our girls go over there instead of having my SO watch them."

To me...its not the SP's responsibility to watch the child(ren) if the bio parent is able and willing to.


Sorry so long. I just had to get this off of my chest.

[wendl]

I am a mom and a stepmom, as  both I do feel in the natural parent can watch the children while his/her ex is at work he/she should the 1sr right to do so.

If you have FROR then you could possibly file a contempt for this.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[MixedBag]

IF BM was here (we're talking geography), I too think that as a SM, their son should be with her while dad is at work and stuff vs. me.

DISTANCE in my case precludes me from asking.

HATRED in my case would preclude my EX from allowing me FROR given the chance.  Fake-wife WANTS to replace me.  Time will tell if your EX feels that way too.

SMs should be allowed to have a relationship with the kids.  I think you respect that thought, right?

Your FROR is new -- not even signed by the judge, but verbally ordered in the court.

Sit tight.....and hang in there.

You know -- you also mention ice storms and stuff, in all honesty, think about "proving" in court that the roads were safe enough to travel to your house when they weren't safe enough for the kids to travel to school because school got closed.  

Sit tight and hang in there.  Your order that the judge is gonna sign is really a tremendous step forward to bring the children back into your life like they were supposed to be in the first place.

[ksmomof2girls]

Mixed Bag wrote:

"You know -- you also mention ice storms and stuff, in all honesty, think about "proving" in court that the roads were safe enough to travel to your house when they weren't safe enough for the kids to travel to school because school got closed."


On Wednesday it was because of the roads. Even the Courts were closed that day.

But the Main reason school was cancelled was because 12 schools in the district were with out power until this weekend.

One school lost power on Tuesday afternoon.


Oh I am sitting tight. I am hoping that this will be done by Thursday so X has to call to find out if I am able to have them on Friday. ( Inservice on Friday and Monday)

[sld02]

ARGGHHHH.....

This kind of stuff makes me insane.  I am a SM & BM.  I love my step-children.  But honestly, is BM is available - GREAT!  She should have first priority.

What we are talking about with some of these SM is maddness.  Why would you want to take on the role of mother when these children already have a mother?  Why can't they respect the boundaries of SM vs. BM.  It comes down to mutual respect.

We have shared legal and physcial.  Since he has physcial during the school year - he likes to think that he is CP.  He also wants the children to be with gf (step-sister) after school even though I have my own business now and can be available EVERY day after school.  This is why we are going back to court.

Any others who can share about BM vs. GF would be greatly apprehiated!

[forthekids24]

... I am a Custodial SM.  My DH hates to talk to BM.  I have been pulling my hair out trying to get them to communicate directly.  


"Knowing that SM told my X that my surgery was cancelled or that the girls did, I think that I should have had FROR to keep them on Thurs and Friday since they were out of school. "

You should have called your ex directly to let him know and work out the arrangments on picking up the kids.

Don't put the children in the middle or assume they will pass on anything to the other parent.   It is not their responsibility.

FTK

[jojobear]

I am a SM....my husband and I both share this identity.  He is a Biological Father and a Step Father (although we hate the term) and I am a Biological Mother and a Step Mother (again, we hate the term "step")  For 15 years I have been a mother, and for 5 of those years I have had 2 children under my care that were not biologically mine.  But the only thing that seperates them from the children that I gave birth to..is the blood that runs through their veins...and sometimes the way that they act...I am sure they have had a transfusion!  lol   I am one of the few that actually think of children that I did not give birth to..as my own.  There is no boundries.  I am so tired of the court system, school system, medical system that makes it so difficult to do just that.  I have held my babies in my arms and loved them and cared for them...and wanted the best for them.  I was not there when they came into the world..but I do not want to miss anymore milestones in their lives....I love them and want the best for them.  I don't ever want to replace their mom..but I want them to feel fortunte that they have two mother figures that love them bunchies and bunchies.  I don't remember what my original post was to be about...but just to let you know that there is some not so biological mothers that do care about children that they did not give birth to.   I have 5 kids.....2 were not connected to me by an umbilical cord..but have been connected to my heart from the day I met them.
~Jo~

[sharptimes5]

I wish the bio in our situation were as together as you are.  There are times when my hubby has a day off during the week, or days when I'm not feeling well (6 months prego) and it would be a Godsend to have a bio who would be willing to take her own child and give me a break.  Don't get me wrong, I love my SD as if she were my own, but I wish her mom would share in the responsibility of being a parent.  I don't think our situation will ever allow for that however.

Carol

[kiddosmom]

I am wish sharptimes5 on this one....

[sld02]

Congrats to all the SM's who realize the importance of BM!

It is always in the best interest of the children to show mutual respect and consideration.

Those that think they know it all, or are better than BM, are selling their Step-children short.