Help !! I want to know my daughter.

[Armydad]

Hello,
  I'm Davis and I Live in Kansas and here's my story. I met a woman in March of 2006 we dated and in November of 2006 we found out we were having a child. We kept dating and in December I deployed to Iraq for 15 months. I came home from Iraq on leave and we were married 5 days after the birth of our daughterin may of 2007. I returned to Iraq and about 2 months before I came home the turmoil began. I started recieving emails that she was leaving and then I would get new ones saying that she wasn't. About a month before I returned she filed for divorce. I was unaware of this and when I returned We leased a bigger house bought a new car for her and sent her to school for a cna license. In August of 2008 I was informed that I had to go to court because our divorce would be final. I was informed on a monday of this and court was that thursday! I got home from work that day and went home to find that she had moved out that day and had taken our daughter as well as all of the money out of our bank account and the furniture. So later this week I show up at court and find out that I am Divorced and that there was nothing I could do about everythinng else and to help the situation I had to make her car payments as well as maintain the lease on the house. I couldn't believe it I am married 14 months and now I pay her car payment for 5 years. She was also granted custody of our daughter and I was to have visitation every other weekend and alternating holidays. I was in shock that I had been taken advantage of in this fasion. From the very begining there were reasons visitation had to be cancelled or that it would only be okay for me to see my daughter at her house or if I did get to take my daughter to my house something would come up and she would have to come pick her up. Then at the end of october I saw my daughter for the last time. I dropped her off at her moms house kissed her goodby and told her I would see her in a couple of days. Since that day my ex has moved out of her parrents house (to where I don't know) and refused to answer my phone calls, refused to answer the door when I show up at her mothers house for visitation, her and her family have refused to answer the door when the police came with me and I can not reach any of them. I finally recieved an email from the ex a couple of weeks ago stating that she is unsure of the role she want's me to have in my daughters life and that because I am a soldier and that I have been to I raq she is going to tell the court that she believes I have PTSD and that she is afraid to let my daughter go with me.

on a side note I was out of town over the holidays and had to mail her child support check from where I was and apparently it did not arive the day it usually does. So that is how she ended the email asking where her money was.

Anyway I have filed a petition to enforce visitation and have a hearing scheduled for this morning although I could not give an adress for the ex as she won't give it to me. I did give the clerk the name of the last place I knew she worked. I feel that I may not be as prepared as I could be for this. I don't have a lot of money and like I  have said I'm a soldier we don't make a lot. So I'm having to go in there on my own. I'm sure this is going to be a continuing problem and My biggest concern is being able to have a relationship with my daughter. I am hoping that if I can keep getting her for visitation and build a relationship with her I can petition for primary residential custody. Do I have a chance? Being in the army does alow me to provide a good home for my children but all I keep hearing is that There is no way a judge is going to give my daughter to me if I'm a soldier. If anyone hasany advice for me it would be greatly appreciated as well as anywhere I can find information that would help me.

Thanks,

[Armydad]

well I went to court today and it didn't go great but atleast I get to see my daughter now and will have a piece of paper with dates on it so I can have something for the police to help inforce. I only get to see her for 4 hours 3 times a week. The judge told me no overnights but if I do well we can re-evaluate in 6 months for one overnight every other weekend. IF I DO WELL! we were in court today because I asked to have my visitation inforced and somehow I walked out with less visitation ordered and I have to wait 6 months to re-evaluate. This is less than the state visitation guide-lines. I don't get it somehow being male and in the army means that I am somehow unable to parrent my child. Once again if anyone has any advice or knows where I can look for help please let me know.

[janM]

Your time may be limited because you and your child are getting re-acquainted, and she is young. At least you were given the option to modify down the road.

[Gestalt]

well I went to court today and it didn't go great but atleast I get to see my daughter now and will have a piece of paper with dates on it so I can have something for the police to help inforce. I only get to see her for 4 hours 3 times a week. The judge told me no overnights but if I do well we can re-evaluate in 6 months for one overnight every other weekend. IF I DO WELL! we were in court today because I asked to have my visitation inforced and somehow I walked out with less visitation ordered and I have to wait 6 months to re-evaluate. This is less than the state visitation guide-lines. I don't get it somehow being male and in the army means that I am somehow unable to parrent my child. Once again if anyone has any advice or knows where I can look for help please let me know.

take this 6 month re acquaintance time and use every possible minute...court doesn't always seem fair or right, and in your shoes I would be angry too...but you have to work within the system, show the court what a great dad you are then mom really won't have a leg to stand on for denying you time.....good luck

[Davy]

Davis in Kansas :

First , your service and sacrifices are greatly appreciated by many. 

I once stood in uniform (Vietnam era) as a plantiff and victim of a drunken driver in front of a so-called judge.   Don't blink.  Just acknowledge to yourself the dislike for the military, the bias, prejudices, and all dual standards.  Brush off the dirt .. leave the blood.  Find politeness and respect in all communications and actions without cowling down. There's no need to be a dying cockroach!   ONLY FOCUS ON THE WELL-BEING OF YOUR CHILD.  It is honorable to seek assistance if you suffer in any way from combat.

No doubt you have made some poor choices (ie car purchase) probably because you were flush with combat pay.   Was your combat pay used to determine your CS obligation ?  If so, you probably should seek a reduction.  You would be well advised to pay CS to the court or another avenue that officially records all payments rather than sending a check to her. 

Other considerations :

- learn to file a "Contempt for denial of access" motion each and every time there is non-compliance of the court order.  It is usuallly easy and within the scope of the non professional. Unless the child is being hidden (which might be this case) just expect a slap on the wrist at most.   Note : continued denial or hidding a child is very serious (even criminal)

- if possible, enroll in parenting classes.  I know you don't need that but it may be a positive step since your child is so young.

- hide a microcassette recorder for your protection against false accusations during visitation periods/exchanges.  That's a common trait of drama queens and it seems you are dealing with a former MIL to boot.  Be prepared to deny false accusations any time and any where.
It would be good if you could be accompanied by a female if the visitation is at the mother's or MIL's residence.

Welcome Home !!